Weird predicament

[JOE]

So I've got a really good mate going back to the late 90's who got with his early 20's sweetheart, bought a massive house together and now plan to tie the knot a few months from now.



I knew in advance this was happening and figured I'd be back in my home state by then but this is unlikely now, so I'll have to drive 20 hours each way or spend a day changing flights... which would normally be OK, but the invite states no plus one's and no children. Just me and wife.



It's in informal wedding on their property with finger food, drinks, and later barbecue/after party.



It doesn't sit well with me that our 11 year old  can't attend any of it, makes a huge hassle, besides me having to get down there, get time off of work, et cetera...



I'd rather make excuses and not go but it may be seen unfavourably by mate and bride...though would get them a great gift...



...but the kid thing... that really bothers me.



What to do....

There was someone in my family who did that.



Held a wedding way out in the middle of nowhere which required 2 boats/ferries to get to the wedding destination. Altogether no less than a 3 or 4 hour journey to get there. In the process most of the guests had to book expensive accommodation to attend the wedding. And those who didn't had an arduous trip there and had to go back just to get back to work on time.



It was a nice wedding - but cost everyone a good chunk of change.

Maybe $200-300 cost incurred for each guest including travel and accommodation/food.



Personally I would never impose on anyone like that.

Find a compromise and a halfway point that would satisfy the needs of the bride/groom and their guests.



And if I were the parents of the children and had some say, I would tell them to scale back their demands.



Wedding settings or locations have to be reasonable and should require no more than an hour's journey from point A to Point B.



Anyways I can identify with this post because I've experienced it myself.



As a general guideline, do unto others as you would want them to do onto you.



Be considerate of their time and their pocketbooks.

[Frood]

Thank you Joe.



We don't want to impose on the wedding plans but fucking hell!! It's a huge sacrifice and I've already agreed to be the best man.

[JOE]

Thank you Joe.



We don't want to impose on the wedding plans but fucking hell!! It's a huge sacrifice and I've already agreed to be the best man.

No, not you.



I feel the hosts are imposing on you, the guests or members of the wedding party.



I wouldn't do that to anybody



I'd be considerate of their time.



And yes if they ask you to make sacrifices fo rthem, they should do something back for you, like a perk as you suggested which would enable your children to attend the wedding.

[Frood]

Just one 11 year old adorable and well behaved girl who they love to have around, teach her to drive stuff, shoot stuff... I love my mate and his girl but fucking hell... this ban on kids hurts me.



And like I said before. They can lay out a few extra chairs for the ceremony and expect the kids go home before the party kicks off...

[Frood]

Oh shit... just realised I'm confusing the marriages of two close mates over a year apart.



Yeah nah.... the 1st one isn't THAT close and the 2nd ones love our daughter to bits.



Sorry

[JOE]

Just one 11 year old adorable and well behaved girl who they love to have around, teach her to drive stuff, shoot stuff... I love my mate and his girl but fucking hell... this ban on kids hurts me.



And like I said before. They can lay out a few extra chairs for the ceremony and expect the kids go home before the party kicks off...

It appears they just don't want children at their wedding period.



It's supposed to be an adults only affair.

[Frood]

Just one 11 year old adorable and well behaved girl who they love to have around, teach her to drive stuff, shoot stuff... I love my mate and his girl but fucking hell... this ban on kids hurts me.



And like I said before. They can lay out a few extra chairs for the ceremony and expect the kids go home before the party kicks off...

It appears they just don't want children at their wedding period.



It's supposed to be an adults only affair.

All of their children are grown up and in my mate's case, out of the house for many years... but hers still stick around. Her kids are very late teens and early 20 somethings.



I'm going to do what Dovey agreed with me over. I'll attend all on my own and leave 2-3 hours after. Won't make a fuss. I'll make excuses for my wife or whatever.



I don't want or need to ruin their perfect day but it's not perfect because kids aren't allowed to share in the celebration.



It's incredibly selfish.. short sighted... and I think disgusting when you consider how much the institution of marriage has been eroded over the last few decades in the eyes of children.



So if my mate and his girl don't want to be seen taking their vows, by big eyed sponges of little human being peoples, it's probably a sign of what's to eventually transpire.



He's still my mate....I will go along with this shit... and support him when it all goes to shit.



.....and I believe it will.

[JOE]

Still, it seems to reflect the rather selfish and narcissistic Western. culture we live in.



"No children allowed"



I've seen how other cultures do it and they embrace the presence of children crying or well behaved. They accept that it's just part of life and our everyday existence.



ie - Filipino, East Indian, Chinese



That's why they often assign children as flowegirls.

[Frood]

You know... you're pretty pleasant to interact with when you're not intentionally being a dick..