You must insult the person above you.

[Shen Li]

What inspires Prof to get out of bed every day?

His bladder mostly.

[Renegade Quark]

Is the reason why they print "DO NOT EAT" on the dessicant packets found in pill bottles.

[Shen Li]

At the bank RQ told the teller he'd like to open a joint account.

The teller asked him with whom?

RQ replied whoever has lots of money.

[Prof Emeritus at Fawk U]

If you take her to a dinner by candlelight, blow out the candle near her or her breath becomes a flamethrower.

[Shen Li]

Prof joined a dating site for people his age.
It's called Carbon Dating.

[Prof Emeritus at Fawk U]

On her previous visit to her gynecologist, he had her in the stirrups and said "Hello, hello".  She asked him "Why did you say that twice?" and he replied "I only said it once".

[Shen Li]

Prof was buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier said: "you must be single"
Prof asked: "Wow how did you know that?"
Cashier: " Because you're ugly."