What's your IGTAS scale like?

[wizer]

As I've gotten older, I've had the misfortunate and discomfort of experiencing a rapid decrease in the time between the first onset of the feeling that I will eventually have to take a dump, to being in a life and death struggle with my sphincter.

There's been 2 failures in recent years, notably both following eating questionable food, one at a buffet and the other when I overindulged in too many greasy fried chicken wings. Once I made it out of the car and plastered some nearby shrubs, while the other I had some interior car cleaning to attend to as well as a bit of laundry.

Those are extremes and not the norm, but it's become a consideration. I have coined a term for the process during which the urge to take a dump goes from 0 (no urge) to 5 (start looking for a place to go), to 7-8 (the turd is pushing against my sphincter like a baby about to crown) to a 9 (red alert) up to 10 (your pants better be down).

The term IGTAS is my acronym for "I Gotta Take A Shit" and is a score of the need to go versus time. It's a graphic representation of the time from onset of first symptom to emptying of the bowels.

It's not unusual for me to leave my house with dog leash in hand after a coffee and a few energy bars, feeling no urge whatsoever, to dropping my pants and wiping my ass with a nearby rock less than 15 minutes down the road.

What's your IGTAS?




 

[Garraty_47]

I must be doing something right (or maybe I'm just a mutant) because at slightly over 6 decades on this insane asylum of a planet my bodily functions are still operating well within normal tolerances. If it wasn't for the slowly increasing amounts of grey in my hair and beard I'd hardly even notice the steady march of years passing me by.

Not bragging... you *did* ask.

[wizer]

I must be doing something right (or maybe I'm just a mutant) because at slightly over 6 decades on this insane asylum of a planet my bodily functions are still operating well within normal tolerances. 

It could also be the food my wife is cooking. Mediterranean diet. Maybe that stuff just goes through the body faster. It's not like the stuff coming out is even solid. More like mashed potatos.

[Garraty_47]

It could also be the food my wife is cooking. Mediterranean diet. Maybe that stuff just goes through the body faster. It's not like the stuff coming out is even solid. More like mashed potatos.

Diet will definitely affect the, ah, consistency of certain functions. That's as true for me as anyone else.

Still, no mishaps so far... something to look forward to I guess. LoL

[Biggie Smiles]

You guys are talking shit now

[Garraty_47]

You guys are talking shit now

Wait 'til you're our age, young man.
You just might develop a keener appreciation for the finer points of regularity.

Besides- Wizer is only imparting some valuable life lessons such as always knowing where the nearest non-abrasive, non-irritating leaves can be grabbed in a hurry. I'm not sure it rises to the level of "survival skill" but it's unarguably a good exercise of situational awareness.

[Biggie Smiles]

Wait 'til you're our age, young man.
You just might develop a keener appreciation for the finer points of regularity.

Besides- Wizer is only imparting some valuable life lessons such as always knowing where the nearest non-abrasive, non-irritating leaves can be grabbed in a hurry. I'm not sure it rises to the level of "survival skill" but it's unarguably a good exercise of situational awareness.

Nah.. I know where you guys are coming from. I go through this on my morning cup of coffee. Luckily I work from home and my home has 4 bathrooms. But when the signal comes through I gotta run or I'm done 

[wizer]

Wizer is only imparting some valuable life lessons such as always knowing where the nearest non-abrasive, non-irritating leaves can be grabbed in a hurry.

Here in Greece, any greenery is of the rough drought resistant variety, you don't want to be wiping your sensitive parts with that stuff. Rocks are plentiful, I've actually gotten quite good at selecting one with the proper taper and thickness that isn't covered in dirt. The technique took  bit longer. Early on, I would find out rather belatedly that although rocks are somewhat effective, if not used properly, some of the fecal matter gets "shoveled" to the top of the ass crack only to be discovered later.

[Garraty_47]

I wonder if I can ever look at rocks the same way again?

Before now I'd wonder if they had any fossil imprints, or would be good for skipping, perhaps simply admired their coloration or texture.

I fear henceforth all the rocks I encounter will trigger a momentary silent "is it T.P.?" evaluation.

Those poor rocks.
It's not even their fault... this is just my perception now.

Damn you Wizer. Damn you.

[wizer]

Damn you Wizer. Damn you.

It could be worse.

Not only do I not only look at rocks differently, nowadays I pick up the promising ones as I find them, just "in case". The best candidates look like ancient Indian arrowheads.

[Biggie Smiles]

For exiting news and helpful hints on how to wipe your ass with rocks of adequate physiology visit theBlueCashew now!

Don't delay!

[Garraty_47]

For exiting news and helpful hints on how to wipe your ass with rocks of adequate physiology visit theBlueCashew now!

Don't delay!

I for one look forward to Wizer's follow-up series where he breaks down the advantages and disadvantages of various kinds of rock and which ones to avoid entirely... pumice springs immediately to mind.

We're all about teh edjumication here at TBC!

[wizer]

For exiting news and helpful hints on how to wipe your ass with rocks of adequate physiology visit theBlueCashew now!

Perhaps a "Self Help" section can be added to the forum.

[wizer]

I for one look forward to Wizer's follow-up series where he breaks down the advantages and disadvantages of various kinds of rock and which ones to avoid entirely

Rocks with a square edge or with a taper that differs significantly from my ass crack profile have been deemed unacceptable for wiping and scooping.

[Biggie Smiles]

Perhaps a "Self Help" section can be added to the forum.

We could make that happen -- for shits and giggles