Laughter Lounge

[Anonymous]

Why there are no black NASCAR drivers. David Letterman may be in trouble with NASCAR.



David Letterman may not get any flack from NASCAR, but I'll bet he does get some 'flack' from the NAACP, and others such as Al Sharpton and the Rev. Jackson will absolutely go nuts.



David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:



# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.



# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.



# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.



# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.



# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.



# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.



# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.



# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.



# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.



AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR



# 1 - They can't wear their helmets sideways.



 ac_tongue

David Letterman said this?

 ac_huh

[@realAzhyaAryola]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.



 ac_tongue

[@realAzhyaAryola]

ac_toofunny



To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.



When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting on his lap.



Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

[Anonymous]

ac_toofunny



To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.



When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting on his lap.



Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

 ac_toofunny

[@realAzhyaAryola]

A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."



 ac_toofunny  ac_lmfao

[Annie]

ac_toofunny

[Leopardsocks]

Man telling a joke:



"I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.



"Really" she  said, "Go on then...try."  



After about  thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"  



I said, "Yesterday."



When you are over sixty, who gives a  shit?"

I'm over 60!!!

[easter bunny]

Why there are no black NASCAR drivers. David Letterman may be in trouble with NASCAR.



David Letterman may not get any flack from NASCAR, but I'll bet he does get some 'flack' from the NAACP, and others such as Al Sharpton and the Rev. Jackson will absolutely go nuts.



David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:



# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.



# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.



# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.



# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.



# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.



# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.



# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.



# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.



# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.



AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR



# 1 - They can't wear their helmets sideways.



 ac_tongue

David Letterman said this?

 ac_huh

Well he's done it now. He'll never be invited back to the show.  ac_wot

[easter bunny]

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.



 ac_tongue

That sounds about right.  ac_biggrin

[RW]

You have to see the kids at the end.

[RW]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/1976917_10151932371881249_2011643293_n.jpg?oh=ac48ff8ab25421979b2be7589c2b1452&oe=55BA8ED4&__gda__=1437260041_1117032eae8a89f1d68dcda92cf34fb1">

[RW]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/11039306_704385939666342_42904609653910912_n.jpg?oh=59c429b243344dea98cd579987fa1045&oe=559EFA1D&__gda__=1437236252_3513dcd2ab9872366bff404a649cc663">

[Annie]

Aww poor Steve....

[RW]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/11081138_886800178029011_2959046100006842002_n.png?oh=22df969e4c415cfef4b218ad00f6cbfb&oe=55A5A4F3&__gda__=1436955979_009cef3449c8614a265600350a187d63">

[Annie]

Haha, my daughter had a babysitting job for a few years and and she told me she's never having kids, instead she'll get a dog. I told her get a puppy, it's like the same thing as a kid lol