Laughter Lounge

[@realAzhyaAryola]

One valid reason why they shouldn't serve crack at McDonald's

[shin]

One valid reason why they shouldn't serve crack at McDonald's

[@realAzhyaAryola]

I see. I'm in the eastern seaboard, a stone's throw away from Baltimore and the seat of government.  

[shin]

Interesting... I'm from Chicago. I've never been the the DC/Metro area, but I had a general impression that the eastern seaboard is the most population dense area of the country. Also, I thought our winters sucked until I heard what that Noreastern did over there last year.

[shin]

Continuing the general premise of the thread...



DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE GUY in the bar who stood up and said, "All lawyers are assholes!" Another guy stood up and said, "I take exception to that remark, sir!" The first guy asked, "Are you a lawyer?" The other guy said, "No, I'm an asshole."







A LADY WENT INTO A DRUGSTORE and asked if they had Viagra. The druggist said they did. The lady asked, "Have you ever tried it?" He said he had. She then asked, "Can you get it over the counter?" He said, "I think I could—if I took two."

[Bricktop]

ac_lmfao

[Anonymous]

https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpt1/v/t1.0-9/12119172_1028124710555191_3288937601463828623_n.jpg?oh=6a32bb442da40b0e8a6782d879ee947f&oe=56CFD31C">

[shin]

https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpt1/v/t1.0-9/12119172_1028124710555191_3288937601463828623_n.jpg?oh=6a32bb442da40b0e8a6782d879ee947f&oe=56CFD31C">

Actually, Trump had some positive words when last I heard someone question him about Muslims... of course, I wouldn't put it past him to save face, after all.. he is trying to run for President. He knows what he's doing. In a popularity contest, bad press is better than no press at all, and I'm convinced that modern politicians are essentially figureheads set to play the role of soothsayer when bad news gets worse.

[shin]

ac_lmfao

Oh, ya like that one, eh? One more two-fer for yer...



A koala bear was sitting in a tree giggling when a gecko crawled by. "What's so funny?" asks the gecko. "I'm up here gettin' stoned." replies the koala. "C'mon up and have a toke my gecko-man."



The gecko climbs the tree and partakes. After awhile, he's getting horrible cotton mouth, so he tells the koala he has to go get a drink.



The gecko goes down to the lake, stumbling and giggling. He bends over to take a drink, falls in, laughs, stands up, falls over, etc. The commotion attracts an alligator.



The alligator asks, "What is your problem, gecko?" "Dude, I'm getting high with a koala bear." the gecko replies. "Up there in the tree gator-dude."



The alligator doesn't believe it so he goes over to the tree to check things out.



The koala sees the alligator walking up to the tree and yells, "DUDE!! HOW MUCH FRICKIN' WATER DID YOU DRINK!!?







A Koala bear decides he wants to get laid, so he picks up a prostitute. He goes down on her several times and they are really enjoying themselves. After they are finished the koala bear starts getting dressed.

The prostitute says, "wheres my money?"

The koala bear shrugs his shoulders. The prostitute repeats herself asking for her money. Again he shrugs his shoulders. The prostitute grabs a dictionary and looks up the word prostitute and shows it to the koala bear.

It says "gets paid for sex."

The koala bear picks up the dictionary and looks up Koala Bear and shows it to the hooker.

It says, "Eats bush and leaves!"

[Bricktop]

But we don't have alligators in Australia!!!



In the Aussie version of the second one, itys "Eats roots and leaves", roots being a slang term for "fuck" in Oz.

[@realAzhyaAryola]

A Blonde Woman's Call To Her Mom



"Hi Mom, it's me."



Mom: "Hi Sally, are you okay? I thought you were with your father at the Home Depot store, looking for a drill?"

Sally: "Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they've let me make one phone call, and that's why I'm calling you."

Mom: "Oh my god, what happened?"

Sally: "Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the face."

Mom: "What on earth . . . Why did you do that?"

Sally: "Well, it really wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black and Decker."



    :001_tongue:  ac_hithere

[shin]

But we don't have alligators in Australia!!!



In the Aussie version of the second one, itys "Eats roots and leaves", roots being a slang term for "fuck" in Oz.

I wonder how that got under the radar? Hmmmm... that's the last time I get Aussie jokes from a Yank.



I think they use "root" in that sense in the UK also.

[shin]

Try to keep a straight face while listening to this. I couldn't.

[shin]

This is not an effective way to play Space Invaders.

[shin]

I need to VENT! So, I went to Walmart (first mistake) to get some stuff for tonight's dinner. I noticed this lady was staring at me on the same aisle I was on. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes again...STARING! So now I'm like, "WTF", but finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course this same lady was ahead of me...starts staring again. Awkward. So I start playing with my phone so I don't have to look at her. Finally she says "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my daughter who just passed away." I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says "thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I understand if you don't want to. Can you give me a hug and say 'bye mama' to me?" Inside I was like "wth", but me being the softie that I am, I went ahead and did it (WEIRD I KNOW). She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn't right, because after my coupons it should have been like $40.00 or so. The girl tells me that my total was included with my mom's. I'm like, "What?!!!" she said, "Your mom said you were paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mom. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama. I flew out of the store looking for this bitch, ready to beat her ass. I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg...just like I'm pulling yours!!!!