Laughter Lounge

[Rancidmilko]

[cw_]

[Breakfall]

[Rancidmilko]

[cw_]

[Breakfall]

[Rancidmilko]

Air Force One fell off the radar screen somewhere over Iowa yesterday.



The Secret Service were sent out to find where it landed or crashed. After driving through hundreds of miles of open roads surrounded by corn fields, they see the smoking hull of the plane off in the distance along the edge of a field. Rushing out, they find it empty.



Way out across the field, they see Enid on his tractor, so they run out, stop him, and question him if he saw anything. "Yeah, I did," he says. "The plane crashed early this morning."



"Did you know the president was on that plane?" asked one of the agents.



"Yep. He was dead," said Enid. "So I buried him with my back hoe."



The terrified agent asked, "Are you sure he was dead?"



Enid says "Well, he said he wasn't, but you know what a liar he is."

[cw_]

^

[Anonymous]

Air Force One fell off the radar screen somewhere over Iowa yesterday.



The Secret Service were sent out to find where it landed or crashed. After driving through hundreds of miles of open roads surrounded by corn fields, they see the smoking hull of the plane off in the distance along the edge of a field. Rushing out, they find it empty.



Way out across the field, they see Enid on his tractor, so they run out, stop him, and question him if he saw anything. "Yeah, I did," he says. "The plane crashed early this morning."



"Did you know the president was on that plane?" asked one of the agents.



"Yep. He was dead," said Enid. "So I buried him with my back hoe."



The terrified agent asked, "Are you sure he was dead?"



Enid says "Well, he said he wasn't, but you know what a liar he is."

 ac_toofunny

[Rancidmilko]

I stole that one From Ollie

[Rancidmilko]

An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for the past two months.



Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"



The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit, steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.



He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."



"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"



At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again".

[Anonymous]

An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for the past two months.



Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"



The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit, steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.



He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."



"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"



At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again".

Ya, what dad wouldn't want his daughter fucked again. ac_toofunny

[Rancidmilko]

The panelists represented a wide range of idiosyncratic identities, expressed in a mixture of New Age and intersectional language — the more obscure and oppressed, the greater the status within the community. The main presenter, trans activist Malcolm Shanks, said he was a descendant of black slaves and Taíno tribesmen and "used to identify as gender-fluid," but has been "identifying more recently as a little bit more gaseous or plasma-like." Randy Ford, a fundraiser for the Lavender Rights Project and black male-to-female "trans femme," said she uses "'she,' 'her,' [and] 'goddess' as pronouns." Mahkyra Gaines, a program coordinator for the Gender Justice League, said she uses "no pronouns" and identifies as "non-binary" and "kind of like a black hole." Ganesha Gold Buffalo, a male-to-female trans prostitute and activist at the Black Trans Task Force, said she identifies as "Choctaw, Cherokee, and black" and with the "sacred lands."

[Rancidmilko]

I wanted to post that here, but it sounded like a joke, so...

[Rancidmilko]

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