Laughter Lounge

[Anonymous]

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[GORDY GAMBINO]

I am truly perplexed that so many people are against a mosque being built at Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant. Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.                                                                                                      



That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, "The Turban Cowboy", which would be gay, and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."                                                                        



Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called " Iraq o' Ribs."                                                                            



Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.                                                                              



Next door to the lingerie shop, a liquor store called "Morehammered."                                          



All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.                                                                                                



If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please pass it on...for the sake of tolerance. ]

[kiebers]

[kiebers]

[Harry]

[RW]

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[Harry]

[Harry]

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.



When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.



As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"

[RW]

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.



When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.



As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"

 

[Harry]

[Harry]

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bike's basket.



As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bike, the bottle would break.



So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.



It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.

[Harry]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".



"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."



The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my ******* fault!

[Harry]

Wife texts her handy husband on a cold winter morning:

"WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN"



Husband texts back:

"GENTLY POUR SOME WARM WATER OVER THE EDGES AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER"



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

"LAPTOP REALLY BUGGERED NOW!"

[RW]

Lol

[Anonymous]

Wife texts her handy husband on a cold winter morning:

"WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN"



Husband texts back:

"GENTLY POUR SOME WARM WATER OVER THE EDGES AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER"



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

"LAPTOP REALLY BUGGERED NOW!"