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Re: Forum gossip thread by James Bond

Laughter Lounge

Started by @realAzhyaAryola, March 17, 2015, 07:32:25 PM

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Couch Potato

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

priscilla1961

http://quotespics.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/best-funny-halloween-quotes-and-saying-for-halloween-cards5-0051.png">
My Daughter Is Sweeter Than Fucking Sugar!!

kiebers

I've learned that if someone asks you a really stupid question and you reply by telling them what time it is, they'll leave you alone

Anonymous

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

 ac_dunno

priscilla1961

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2265415/84894044.jpg">
My Daughter Is Sweeter Than Fucking Sugar!!

priscilla1961

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2265415/84894046.jpg">
My Daughter Is Sweeter Than Fucking Sugar!!

Odinson

Quote from: "priscilla1961"http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2265415/84894044.jpg">




Its just Trump grabbing them by the pussy.

Bricktop

Quote from: "priscilla1961"http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2265415/84894044.jpg">


"So THAT'S where you hide your peanuts!!"

Bricktop

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."

Blazor

lol tomorrow is turkey day...



https://media.giphy.com/media/bQTs3YGo8m72o/giphy.gif">
I've come here to chew bubble gum, and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.

Anonymous

Quote from: "Bricktop"At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."

 :roll:

kiebers

https://i.imgur.com/G87Di0E.jpg?1">
I've learned that if someone asks you a really stupid question and you reply by telling them what time it is, they'll leave you alone

Anonymous

Quote from: "kiebers"https://i.imgur.com/G87Di0E.jpg?1">

Well it is isn't it. ac_toofunny

kiebers

I booked into a hotel the other day. As the receptionist was handing me the keys I commented, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."



"No it's regular porn, you sick fuck," I was stunned to hear.
I've learned that if someone asks you a really stupid question and you reply by telling them what time it is, they'll leave you alone

kiebers

The teacher tells the class what a parable is and gives them homework of researching a real life one.



The next day. Mary tells the story of her father needing to sell 12 chickens, so he bought 12 eggs and incubated them. Only 10 hatched, so he didn't have 12 chickens to sell. "What is the moral of that story, Mary?" "Don't count your chickens till they're hatched, miss." Mary gets a gold star.



Judy is up next and tells the story of her mother buying a dozen eggs which she carried home in a basket on the front seat. At one point she slammed on the brakes and all the eggs broke when the basket fell off the seat. "What is the moral of that story, Judy?" "Don't put all your eggs in one basket, miss." Judy gets a gold star.



You guessed it, the next speaker is Johnny. He relates a story told by his dad. His aunt, Shirl, was a fighter pilot shot down over Iraq. As she was coming down by parachute she saw she would land amongst about 100 enemy soldiers. A review of her possessions revealed a half bottle of whisky, an M60 machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky, landed amongst the enemy, mowed 85 of them down with the gun then finished off the rest with the machete.



Of course the teacher was flabbergasted. "What is the moral of that story, Johnny?" "Dad says it's, don't fuck with Auntie Shirl when she's pissed."
I've learned that if someone asks you a really stupid question and you reply by telling them what time it is, they'll leave you alone