I've said this once before, but it bears repeating...

[Angry White Male]

How to wipe your ass 101.  Pay attention people (females especially).



Toilet paper is white.  Your shit is brown (or it should be.  See Doctor if shit isn't brown).



Now, you pull off enough god damned paper, and run it into your ass crack, until the paper comes out white.  Got it?



If the paper is still shmeared with the shit, you are NOT done, OK?



If you have to use two god damned rolls, you use two rolls, got it?



You do NOT pull up your panties, until the paper is totally white when pulled from your ass.



Don't thank me for the advice.  Just be grateful that I've now taught you something that your parents obviously never did!