The Redneck Guide to Losing Weight Without Giving Up Barrel Wash

[Anonymous]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy. So, I created a few pointers that Jenny Craig herself would be jealous of.



1.Get up no later than five am.

2. Down a gallon of strong coffee and no food.

3. Go outside and start right in to the hardest jobs on the farm before it gets hot out.

4. Don't drink your first beer until 9 am and drink it slowly.

5. Next beer break is at 11 am. Drink this one a little faster.

6. 12:30 third beer break.

7. At 1:30 put a half dozen perogies in the pan and crack a beer while waiting for them to cook. Crack another one while eating.

8. No more beer breaks until 4 pm.

9. At six pm fire up the bbq and throw a venison Kolbassa ring on. Crack a beer while waiting and text the old lady to bring you out the mustard, onions and two whole wheat sausage buns. By the time the old lady brings that to you, you are ready for another can of beer. Guzzle it down and then tie into the sausages.

10. Work another hour, put your tools away, gather all the beer cans up and head inside and clean up.

11. Watch the news, check TBC, and then fill your glass with barrel wash.

12. Fill your glass with swish about three more times and then hit the hay and repeat tomorrow.



One important note; don't smoke too much dope. It makes me hungry and I work less too.

[Anonymous]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy. So, I created a few pointers that Jenny Craig herself would be jealous of.



1.Get up no later than five am.

2. Down a gallon of strong coffee and no food.

3. Go outside and start right in to the hardest jobs on the farm before it gets hot out.

4. Don't drink your first beer until 9 am and drink it slowly.

5. Next beer break is at 11 am. Drink this one a little faster.

6. 12:30 third beer break.

7. At 1:30 put a half dozen perogies in the pan and crack a beer while waiting for them to cook. Crack another one while eating.

8. No more beer breaks until 4 pm.

9. At six pm fire up the bbq and throw a venison Kolbassa ring on. Crack a beer while waiting and text the old lady to bring you out the mustard, onions and two whole wheat sausage buns. By the time the old lady brings that to you, you are ready for another can of beer. Guzzle it down and then tie into the sausages.

10. Work another hour, put your tools away, gather all the beer cans up and head inside and clean up.

11. Watch the news, check TBC, and then fill your glass with barrel wash.

12. Fill your glass with swish about three more times and then hit the hay and repeat tomorrow.



One important note; don't smoke too much dope. It makes me hungry and I work less too.

I don't really know what to say Herman that will not seem judgmental..



If Mel ever needs to lose weight, this is a diet he could stick to.

[JOE]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy.

LOL!  



Lottsa those here out on the Left Coast.



I'd invite ya Hoimin, but It'd probably gitcha inta lotta trouble and thrown in the slammer again fer punchin' out some effeminate barristas at starbuckles, eh?



But keep tryin'. One day ya might make it out to the West Coast, eh?

[Anonymous]

I break up that guide a couple of times a week by taking out my 270 and shooting badgers after barbequed venison kolbassa.

[Anonymous]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy.

LOL!  



Lottsa those here out on the Left Coast.



I'd invite ya Hoimin, but It'd probably gitcha inta lotta trouble and thrown in the slammer again fer punchin' out some effeminate barristas at starbuckles, eh?



But keep tryin'. One day ya might make it out to the West Coast, eh?

Been there, done that and did my time.

[JOE]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy. So, I created a few pointers that Jenny Craig herself would be jealous of.



1.Get up no later than five am.

2. Down a gallon of strong coffee and no food.

3. Go outside and start right in to the hardest jobs on the farm before it gets hot out.

4. Don't drink your first beer until 9 am and drink it slowly.

5. Next beer break is at 11 am. Drink this one a little faster.

6. 12:30 third beer break.

7. At 1:30 put a half dozen perogies in the pan and crack a beer while waiting for them to cook. Crack another one while eating.

8. No more beer breaks until 4 pm.

9. At six pm fire up the bbq and throw a venison Kolbassa ring on. Crack a beer while waiting and text the old lady to bring you out the mustard, onions and two whole wheat sausage buns. By the time the old lady brings that to you, you are ready for another can of beer. Guzzle it down and then tie into the sausages.

10. Work another hour, put your tools away, gather all the beer cans up and head inside and clean up.

11. Watch the news, check TBC, and then fill your glass with barrel wash.

12. Fill your glass with swish about three more times and then hit the hay and repeat tomorrow.



One important note; don't smoke too much dope. It makes me hungry and I work less too.

I don't really know what to say Herman that will not seem judgmental..



If Mel ever needs to lose weight, this is a diet he could stick to.

Herman's definitely a case of a guy with too much testosterone floating around inside him.fashionista.



Maybe less red meat and some injection of female hormones might neutralize 'im a bit,



He needs ta mellow out, eh?

[Anonymous]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy. So, I created a few pointers that Jenny Craig herself would be jealous of.



1.Get up no later than five am.

2. Down a gallon of strong coffee and no food.

3. Go outside and start right in to the hardest jobs on the farm before it gets hot out.

4. Don't drink your first beer until 9 am and drink it slowly.

5. Next beer break is at 11 am. Drink this one a little faster.

6. 12:30 third beer break.

7. At 1:30 put a half dozen perogies in the pan and crack a beer while waiting for them to cook. Crack another one while eating.

8. No more beer breaks until 4 pm.

9. At six pm fire up the bbq and throw a venison Kolbassa ring on. Crack a beer while waiting and text the old lady to bring you out the mustard, onions and two whole wheat sausage buns. By the time the old lady brings that to you, you are ready for another can of beer. Guzzle it down and then tie into the sausages.

10. Work another hour, put your tools away, gather all the beer cans up and head inside and clean up.

11. Watch the news, check TBC, and then fill your glass with barrel wash.

12. Fill your glass with swish about three more times and then hit the hay and repeat tomorrow.



One important note; don't smoke too much dope. It makes me hungry and I work less too.

That is pretty funny Herm.

[Anonymous]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy. So, I created a few pointers that Jenny Craig herself would be jealous of.



1.Get up no later than five am.

2. Down a gallon of strong coffee and no food.

3. Go outside and start right in to the hardest jobs on the farm before it gets hot out.

4. Don't drink your first beer until 9 am and drink it slowly.

5. Next beer break is at 11 am. Drink this one a little faster.

6. 12:30 third beer break.

7. At 1:30 put a half dozen perogies in the pan and crack a beer while waiting for them to cook. Crack another one while eating.

8. No more beer breaks until 4 pm.

9. At six pm fire up the bbq and throw a venison Kolbassa ring on. Crack a beer while waiting and text the old lady to bring you out the mustard, onions and two whole wheat sausage buns. By the time the old lady brings that to you, you are ready for another can of beer. Guzzle it down and then tie into the sausages.

10. Work another hour, put your tools away, gather all the beer cans up and head inside and clean up.

11. Watch the news, check TBC, and then fill your glass with barrel wash.

12. Fill your glass with swish about three more times and then hit the hay and repeat tomorrow.



One important note; don't smoke too much dope. It makes me hungry and I work less too.

I don't really know what to say Herman that will not seem judgmental..



If Mel ever needs to lose weight, this is a diet he could stick to.

Herman's definitely a case of a guy with too much testosterone floating around inside him.fashionista.



Maybe less red meat and some injection of female hormones might neutralize 'im a bit,



He needs ta mellow out, eh?

I think red meat in moderation is a sound idea for health JOE, but I don't think injections are necessary.

[Anonymous]

I am the most fit right that I have been in years. People ask me. Herm what is your secret?



Being Ukrainian, I love my food and being a redneck I love my hooch. There had to be a way of losing weight without turning into some West coast latte sipping fairy. So, I created a few pointers that Jenny Craig herself would be jealous of.



1.Get up no later than five am.

2. Down a gallon of strong coffee and no food.

3. Go outside and start right in to the hardest jobs on the farm before it gets hot out.

4. Don't drink your first beer until 9 am and drink it slowly.

5. Next beer break is at 11 am. Drink this one a little faster.

6. 12:30 third beer break.

7. At 1:30 put a half dozen perogies in the pan and crack a beer while waiting for them to cook. Crack another one while eating.

8. No more beer breaks until 4 pm.

9. At six pm fire up the bbq and throw a venison Kolbassa ring on. Crack a beer while waiting and text the old lady to bring you out the mustard, onions and two whole wheat sausage buns. By the time the old lady brings that to you, you are ready for another can of beer. Guzzle it down and then tie into the sausages.

10. Work another hour, put your tools away, gather all the beer cans up and head inside and clean up.

11. Watch the news, check TBC, and then fill your glass with barrel wash.

12. Fill your glass with swish about three more times and then hit the hay and repeat tomorrow.



One important note; don't smoke too much dope. It makes me hungry and I work less too.

That is pretty funny Herm.

What is so funny about it? I think this will be bigger than the Atkins diet was.

[Aryan]

I would never dream of drinking alcohol in the morning  

[Anonymous]

I would never dream of drinking alcohol in the morning  

I wait until 9 am.

[Anonymous]

I would never dream of drinking alcohol in the morning  

I wait until 9 am.

That must take real will power Herm.

[Aryan]

LOL!

[Anonymous]

I knew nothing about the redneck culture before Herman joined us..



Thank you for sharing your traditions with us Herman.

 

[Anonymous]

I knew nothing about the redneck culture before Herman joined us..



Thank you for sharing your traditions with us Herman.

 

It's a frickin shame this country wastes so much money on Indian culture when we so few Canadians are celebrating the vast contributions to confederation of rednecks/white trash. Think of all the cops, jail guards, Cash Canada employees and addictions counsellors who owe their livelihoods to us. We give contribute so much and ask for so little in return.