Quote from: Dove on June 25, 2024, 11:22:31 AMWhen I was kicking heroin I HAD to use the "just today I won't use" mindset

 Because the thought of NEVER feeling that high again was devastating. It honestly made me feel like life wasn't even worth it anymore.

 I KNOW how pathetic that sounds.

 But I am 10 years clean and NOW I don't even want it anymore.

 When I'm in my last days my daughters will make sure I'm flying on morphine so...I can look forward to that lol

I had a few monkeys on my back. It took a while to get them under control. Luckily (from my perspective) my body was becoming largely unresponsive to the effects and withdrawals and much of my habits were... well, habit. I would still get a buzz on occasion, usually when I'd sourced more potent medical grade stuff.

I don't miss it, though I also wouldn't trade my experience with it for the world. I came out the other side of it alright and the manner by which I came out of it gave me strength and somewhat of a source of pride in myself. "Yes, I put myself in that pit. But I also managed to get myself out of it". Not many do both.

Cannabinoids might be one thing I might look into in the future, but its doubtful. The last time I had any of that was over 4 years ago and while I've been around it since I simply haven't felt like it. I could probably score some gummies or a bud or two right now in fact - I wouldn't have to go far for it, but I just don't feel like doing it. I wasn't looking to give that aspect of my drug usage away, it's just the way things shook out.

I do still vape, don't bother with the smokes except very occasionally (about two packs of smokes in the last four years) and my caffeine intake goes up and down on the regular. Mostly coffee and green tea. Those are my drugs these days and I'm feeling pretty good about that. I may give the vaping up... I dunno though. Yes, nicotine is a poison but in the near absence of burning vegetable matter my lung function has improved immeasurably and I suspect there might have been something to those French tests that indicated coronaviruses didn't fare too well with the nic floating past them.

It could all be bullshit for what I know; the one thing I do know is whatever I'm doing now is working for me. So why fuck with it?

Quote from: knows things on June 25, 2024, 10:10:02 AMFrom personal experience, it is psychologically better to set shorter term goals. "Not now" and "not today" are easier targets than "never again" in that you are rewarded on the regular for your success and are more likely to try again should you ever "fall off the wagon". They effectively rewire your thought processes towards feeling good about your continued and accrued achievements for as long as you persist in your course. Eventually, the chattering monkey of addiction on your back is no longer a concern. You no longer need to rely on willpower, you can be in the thick of people indulging in what you used to indulge in and feel no desire whatsoever to participate in it yourself.

It does take time, as all good things do. But you do win the battle over yourself in the end if you keep reminding yourself that all the times your "not today" has triumphed over failure. I know because I've done it. Had I said "never" instead, all I'd have would have been a string of failures for every time I fell off the wagon and the expectation that I might again at any time in the future. Instead I told myself "not today". I still fell off the wagon a few times, but nowhere near as many times as I prevailed over it. Within a year I was thumbing my nose at that monkey. These days I barely give it a second thought.

I imagine you are proud you've made it this far on your "never again" as you should justly be. And perhaps you might be comfortable in waging a war of Will against the craving for the rest of your days, I wouldn't question you if that were your mind.

But if you ever feel like kicking that monkey completely to the curb and leaving it utterly defeated in your wake, remember what I've said here today.

 When I was kicking heroin I HAD to use the "just today I won't use" mindset

 Because the thought of NEVER feeling that high again was devastating. It honestly made me feel like life wasn't even worth it anymore.

 I KNOW how pathetic that sounds.

 But I am 10 years clean and NOW I don't even want it anymore.

 When I'm in my last days my daughters will make sure I'm flying on morphine so...I can look forward to that lol

Quote...that reminded me I once craved nicotine and still do but will never have it again....

From personal experience, it is psychologically better to set shorter term goals. "Not now" and "not today" are easier targets than "never again" in that you are rewarded on the regular for your success and are more likely to try again should you ever "fall off the wagon". They effectively rewire your thought processes towards feeling good about your continued and accrued achievements for as long as you persist in your course. Eventually, the chattering monkey of addiction on your back is no longer a concern. You no longer need to rely on willpower, you can be in the thick of people indulging in what you used to indulge in and feel no desire whatsoever to participate in it yourself.

It does take time, as all good things do. But you do win the battle over yourself in the end if you keep reminding yourself that all the times your "not today" has triumphed over failure. I know because I've done it. Had I said "never" instead, all I'd have would have been a string of failures for every time I fell off the wagon and the expectation that I might again at any time in the future. Instead I told myself "not today". I still fell off the wagon a few times, but nowhere near as many times as I prevailed over it. Within a year I was thumbing my nose at that monkey. These days I barely give it a second thought.

I imagine you are proud you've made it this far on your "never again" as you should justly be. And perhaps you might be comfortable in waging a war of Will against the craving for the rest of your days, I wouldn't question you if that were your mind.

But if you ever feel like kicking that monkey completely to the curb and leaving it utterly defeated in your wake, remember what I've said here today.

Quote from: Dove on June 24, 2024, 05:26:20 PMYep. Sometimes my daughter (the 18 year old) grabs my vape. I smack her in the head and yell about how she doesn't need a nic addiction.

Lol,... just reading that reminded me I once craved nicotine and still do but will never have it again....

Let's not talk about nicotine anymore....lol

Quote from: caskur on June 23, 2024, 11:31:24 AMRemember Scoundrel on the 3rd Rail? He used vape.

You cannot vape in Australia unless a doctor gives permission...

Kids are  vaping (vainglorious) and they are going to stomp on it so there isn't a new generation addicted to nicotine.

We live on a nanny continent... sometimes it is good but sometimes it's downright abominable. I think it's good that kids are being deterred though.

 Yep. Sometimes my daughter (the 18 year old) grabs my vape. I smack her in the head and yell about how she doesn't need a nic addiction.

Prohibition does not work, just ask Al Capone.

See that....   the bloody auto correct change vaping to vainglorious

    


Don't get confused Dovey.

Quote from: Dove on June 23, 2024, 10:59:19 AMI haven't smoked cigarettes in years either.

 I do vape on occasion though.

Remember Scoundrel on the 3rd Rail? He used vape.

You cannot vape in Australia unless a doctor gives permission...

Kids are  vaping (vainglorious) and they are going to stomp on it so there isn't a new generation addicted to nicotine.

We live on a nanny continent... sometimes it is good but sometimes it's downright abominable. I think it's good that kids are being deterred though.

Quote from: caskur on June 23, 2024, 10:43:55 AMWhen our house burnt down an old man saw the smoke, got his camera and headed towards the house. He took plenty of shots and I was grateful he did. When he gave me all the photos and had chat, he had to leave because he was overdue for his methadone. He became addicted to methadone because he hurt his back at work and they put him on methadone. HE said he couldn't miss the time he had to take it, his scheduled time... he couldn't  even go an hour past his schdule time without being distressed.

But you can go past your times because you won't die... you just feel like dying.

In 5 days time it will be 10 years I stopped chain smoking and 3 days ago off nicotine lozenge 6 years.

And yes, I always feel like smoking especially if I talk about it like now.

I cannot afford to smoke at $65 a day. That is how much the charge for smokes. They want people to give up.

It would cost me $90 a day for 51 cigarettes a day. But you know what is really good....no more bums coming around to bum a smoke off me.

 

 I haven't smoked cigarettes in years either.

 I do vape on occasion though.

Quote from: Dove on June 23, 2024, 10:02:16 AMIt never works that way or I'd have done that.

 Addicts always use more and more.

 Methadone is a good MAT drug because it stays in the system much longer than heroin or morphine.

 I didn't chose MAT meds...because I wanted to be free of dependency. 

 But using heroin once a day wouldn't be sustainable because it leaves your system pretty quickly. 

 At the peak of my addiction I was using probably about 5 times a day if I had access to enough. Your whole life becomes about getting more. It's nonstop. Horrible way to live.

When our house burnt down an old man saw the smoke, got his camera and headed towards the house. He took plenty of shots and I was grateful he did. When he gave me all the photos and had chat, he had to leave because he was overdue for his methadone. He became addicted to methadone because he hurt his back at work and they put him on methadone. HE said he couldn't miss the time he had to take it, his scheduled time... he couldn't  even go an hour past his schdule time without being distressed.

But you can go past your times because you won't die... you just feel like dying.

In 5 days time it will be 10 years I stopped chain smoking and 3 days ago off nicotine lozenge 6 years.

And yes, I always feel like smoking especially if I talk about it like now.

I cannot afford to smoke at $65 a day. That is how much the charge for smokes. They want people to give up.

It would cost me $90 a day for 51 cigarettes a day. But you know what is really good....no more bums coming around to bum a smoke off me.

 

Quote from: caskur on June 23, 2024, 09:39:25 AMHeroin is the only pain killer that takes away pain 100%.

Too bad 10% get addicted... (maybe more)...

I am not against heroin. I think addicts just need their daily dose from a pharmacy with encourgent to wean off it. I know they use a replacement ( methadone? ) but methodone is more addictive than Heroin and harder to get off.

 It never works that way or I'd have done that.

 Addicts always use more and more.

 Methadone is a good MAT drug because it stays in the system much longer than heroin or morphine.

 I didn't chose MAT meds...because I wanted to be free of dependency. 

 But using heroin once a day wouldn't be sustainable because it leaves your system pretty quickly. 

 At the peak of my addiction I was using probably about 5 times a day if I had access to enough. Your whole life becomes about getting more. It's nonstop. Horrible way to live.

Quote from: Dove on June 22, 2024, 02:51:07 PMI almost died using heroin. A few times.

 It would be perfect if it wasn't so intense and all consuming.
 

Heroin is the only pain killer that takes away pain 100%.

Too bad 10% get addicted... (maybe more)...

I am not against heroin. I think addicts just need their daily dose from a pharmacy with encourgent to wean off it. I know they use a replacement ( methadone? ) but methodone is more addictive than Heroin and harder to get off.

Quote from: caskur on June 08, 2024, 05:37:05 AMThat is commendable but you know very well that other humans aren't so commendable.

I am very well aware of the drug industry because I have a family of addicts and drug dealers...

Drugs are a huge part of our society and have been since the sixties... I was 14 nearly 15 when I got stoned off my tits the first time.

DOPE has been decriminalised where I live for over 2 decades.

I hate marijuana with a passion. I always had too much and it used to make me violently ill...

The only nice way of using it, if there is one, and that's the oil heating it up with a spoon and breathing the vapour. And I haven't done that for 1/4 of a century.

It's not a drug that suits me physically and worst of all are all my friends and acquaintances who ended up stoned and road kill.

One poor BIL is the same age as me and now looks 30 to 40 years older...

My brother who is 1 year younger is on Kemo because his addictions have given him cancer.

It also causes me extreme anguish watching drugged people I know die slowly.

3 of my nephews are smack junkies.

 I almost died using heroin. A few times.

 It would be perfect if it wasn't so intense and all consuming.
 

Quote from: Oliver the Second on June 07, 2024, 11:29:00 PMMarijuana is legal here and I use it every day. But I do NOT drive while stoned. If I have to go to the store or the bank or anything it gets done before my first puff. After my first puff I'm not driving for the rest of the day. The very last thing I need is a DUI.

That is commendable but you know very well that other humans aren't so commendable.

I am very well aware of the drug industry because I have a family of addicts and drug dealers...

Drugs are a huge part of our society and have been since the sixties... I was 14 nearly 15 when I got stoned off my tits the first time.

DOPE has been decriminalised where I live for over 2 decades.

I hate marijuana with a passion. I always had too much and it used to make me violently ill...

The only nice way of using it, if there is one, and that's the oil heating it up with a spoon and breathing the vapour. And I haven't done that for 1/4 of a century.

It's not a drug that suits me physically and worst of all are all my friends and acquaintances who ended up stoned and road kill.

One poor BIL is the same age as me and now looks 30 to 40 years older...

My brother who is 1 year younger is on Kemo because his addictions have given him cancer.

It also causes me extreme anguish watching drugged people I know die slowly.

3 of my nephews are smack junkies.