Prof's friend asked him if his wife moans they make love.

Prof replied, "Always, that ceiling needs painting, that blind is broken, you better not make a mess."

She can turn an orgy into a clusterfuck.

If there was a fine line between right and wrong, Herm snorted it years ago.

The Professor's grandson don't want to play with him anymore.

^^^ He was overjoyed with the news of his daughter's engagement. 

Shen's old man proposed to her at work.

Herm asked a woman he met if she liked anal.

She replied "yes, but do you have condoms? I hate getting shit on my dick."

The average vagina is only five inches deep. But hers smells like a foot.

A woman took Prof home last night after a few drinks.

As they were getting undressed in her room, a voice came from the bed "I hope that's not that shrimp-dicked fat guy from last week."

Prof said "what the hell was that?"

The woman replied "it's that bastard memory foam mattress."

She has a side hustle helping home remodelers to peel wallpaper...

... with her breath.

Prof ordered chicken wings in a restaurant.
The waitress asked him if he wanted a dry rub?
Prof replied "Sure, but can I eat first?"

She was trespassed from the local all you can eat buffet restaurant on account of "pushing the envelope". 

The cost of living has gotten so high Stu's wife started having sex with him because she can't afford batteries.

Prof asked his wife when she was coming out of the shower wrapped in a towel if he could take a picture of her without the towel.

She asked what are you going to do with it?

Prof replied "I'm going to keep it on my phone."

Prof's wife asked "can I take a picture of you getting out of the shower with no towel?"

Prof asked "what are you going to do with it?"

Prof's wife responded, "I'm going to have it enlarged."