THeBlueCashew

Quote from: Guest post_id=369080 time=1593450008
Mel; try this. Simply tell yourself "not today" and do your best to live up to it. If necessary, try telling yourself "not right now" and work up to the "not today" bit by bit.



Now okay, it doesn't sound like much and yes, there will be times when you fall short of your "not today", fall off the wagon and wake up with a hangover the following morning.



When that happens, forgive yourself for failing, pick yourself up and tell yourself "not today" again.



Do NOT make the mistake of telling yourself "never again". This is tantamount to setting yourself up to fail. The more you fall short of the "never again" by falling off the wagon, the more negative reinforcement you are adding to your subconscious. You are setting yourself a goal where there is little chance of a Win and every chance in the world of a Loss. By telling yourself "not today" you at least get some positive reinforcement. Hopefully more wins than losses. You can work at it, chipping away at the years of habit and strengthening your resolve.



It may not work for you, but then again it may. I admit I was skeptical at first, fell off my own wagon innumerable times. But I kept at it and gradually the temptations became more and more manageable. Eventually the "not todays" became simples "nahs" as I was able to exert the required level of control over my addiction. It felt good to take back the power I once let it have over me, it felt especially good to know that I was the one who took it back.



Could I give it that power over me again? Sure, I guess.



But not today. ac_biggrin

Quote from: Fashionista post_id=369081 time=1593452368 user_id=3254
I don't understand addiction, but I know it's powerful..

Quote from: Mel post_id=369541 time=1593769581
I keep saying "Tomorrow is the Day"...  I want it to be, but so far tomorrow hasn't been the day.

Quote from: Renee post_id=369551 time=1593781641 user_id=156

Quote from: Mel post_id=369541 time=1593769581
I keep saying "Tomorrow is the Day"...  I want it to be, but so far tomorrow hasn't been the day.

You can't do it on your own. I don't care what kind of half-assed advice you have been given by Nancy Reagan types "Just Say No" :oeudC: . That doesn't work for most addicts. Addiction is very difficult to beat. Long term success is elusive for most but studies show that addicts who have some kind support system have a better chance at a successful outcome.



You need some kind of support group be it family,  friends, a therapist, AA or whatever.



Just wishing it away is not going to work any more than wishing a fix for your ruptured asshole is going to stop the blood stains in your shorts.

Quote from: Renee post_id=369551 time=1593781641 user_id=156

Quote from: Mel post_id=369541 time=1593769581
I keep saying "Tomorrow is the Day"...  I want it to be, but so far tomorrow hasn't been the day.

You can't do it on your own. I don't care what kind of half-assed advice you have been given by Nancy Reagan types "Just Say No" :oeudC: . That doesn't work for most addicts. Addiction is very difficult to beat. Long term success is elusive for most but studies show that addicts who have some kind support system have a better chance at a successful outcome.



You need some kind of support group be it family,  friends, a therapist, AA or whatever.



Just wishing it away is not going to work any more than wishing a fix for your ruptured asshole is going to stop the blood stains in your shorts.

Quote from: Guest post_id=369572 time=1593798019


. I've already given him a tool he can try, the method worked admirably for me, if it works for him it's not going to require some "help group" to open his mind and fill it with some other bullshit replacement addiction of their devising.



Like the 12 Step program for instance. Used in three quarters of treatment centers, over half of it is aimed at telling the addict they are useless and must submit to some deity instead. "Put your faith in the shy fairy instead of yourself, that pretend ideal is far more worthy of your trust than yourself"... yeah, real confidence builder right there. One more moon-eyed door-knocker spouting the "God helped me and he can help you too" mantra... yeah, no thanks. Taking addicts and getting them addicted to something else is not treating the problem, merely the symptom. You still have an addict at the end of it, and worse still they are running about filling other peoples heads with fairytales about hairy jews getting nailed to trees, benevolent daddies who mysteriously stand by and let it happen under the presumption it forgives us for our fuckups and the contradiction that even after all this, the addict still has to grovel for every last fuckup for forgiveness and Mr Sky Fairy will mete out favour... if he feels like it.



Well I've never met the sky fairy so I cannot comment with authority one way or the other on the notion that some "higher power" with priorities so far out of whack as to keep psychoanalysts busy for centuries actually exists. But I do know that I exist; I also know what I am capable of in terms of success and failure and most important of all, I can, have and will continue to accept Responsibility for not only my failures, but my successes too. I earned that, it wasn't granted to me by some higher power, certainly not one who on the face of it is telling me "well I can't/won't accept responsibility for my part in creating a flaw in my image, but you can accept it on my behalf and spend your days thanking me for it". Fuck that noise.



You might be right in presuming Mel might not be equal to the task. The truth is he is not going to know unless he tries. If the best advice he gets is "you will fail until you pray to muh mythological mutant star goat for help" then he will never truly liberate himself from the addiction, merely shift his drug of choice to something else. What he certainly won't be doing is recognising any power he has to take charge of his own life and under his own steam, because some greedy, grasping altarboy fondler has put it into the congregation's head that the only path to personal happiness and fulfillment is via ancient superstitions and we'd all better get on our knees and bow and scrape to it.



But hey, what would I know right? To hear you tell it, the last two decades of me successfully holding my own habits at bay and without groveling to Mr Sky Fairy for the privilege is clearly a Nancy Reagan inspired experience that nobody else should aspire to and we should do all we can to shape and mould Mel into the kind of person who runs about stealing Nintendo Switches and posting here about it.

Quote from: Herman post_id=369664 time=1593812357 user_id=1689
One long winded post begets another.

Quote from: Renee post_id=369659 time=1593811254 user_id=156

Quote from: Guest post_id=369572 time=1593798019


. I've already given him a tool he can try, the method worked admirably for me, if it works for him it's not going to require some "help group" to open his mind and fill it with some other bullshit replacement addiction of their devising.



Like the 12 Step program for instance. Used in three quarters of treatment centers, over half of it is aimed at telling the addict they are useless and must submit to some deity instead. "Put your faith in the shy fairy instead of yourself, that pretend ideal is far more worthy of your trust than yourself"... yeah, real confidence builder right there. One more moon-eyed door-knocker spouting the "God helped me and he can help you too" mantra... yeah, no thanks. Taking addicts and getting them addicted to something else is not treating the problem, merely the symptom. You still have an addict at the end of it, and worse still they are running about filling other peoples heads with fairytales about hairy jews getting nailed to trees, benevolent daddies who mysteriously stand by and let it happen under the presumption it forgives us for our fuckups and the contradiction that even after all this, the addict still has to grovel for every last fuckup for forgiveness and Mr Sky Fairy will mete out favour... if he feels like it.



Well I've never met the sky fairy so I cannot comment with authority one way or the other on the notion that some "higher power" with priorities so far out of whack as to keep psychoanalysts busy for centuries actually exists. But I do know that I exist; I also know what I am capable of in terms of success and failure and most important of all, I can, have and will continue to accept Responsibility for not only my failures, but my successes too. I earned that, it wasn't granted to me by some higher power, certainly not one who on the face of it is telling me "well I can't/won't accept responsibility for my part in creating a flaw in my image, but you can accept it on my behalf and spend your days thanking me for it". Fuck that noise.



You might be right in presuming Mel might not be equal to the task. The truth is he is not going to know unless he tries. If the best advice he gets is "you will fail until you pray to muh mythological mutant star goat for help" then he will never truly liberate himself from the addiction, merely shift his drug of choice to something else. What he certainly won't be doing is recognising any power he has to take charge of his own life and under his own steam, because some greedy, grasping altarboy fondler has put it into the congregation's head that the only path to personal happiness and fulfillment is via ancient superstitions and we'd all better get on our knees and bow and scrape to it.



But hey, what would I know right? To hear you tell it, the last two decades of me successfully holding my own habits at bay and without groveling to Mr Sky Fairy for the privilege is clearly a Nancy Reagan inspired experience that nobody else should aspire to and we should do all we can to shape and mould Mel into the kind of person who runs about stealing Nintendo Switches and posting here about it.

Okay then,  :oeudC: Where to start? I'm not quite sure I know where and I'm not quite sure I want to. But here goes.



First I just want to address the long windedness of it all...

Quote from: Herman post_id=369664 time=1593812357 user_id=1689
One long winded post begets another.

Quote from: Renee post_id=369659 time=1593811254 user_id=156

Quote from: Guest post_id=369572 time=1593798019


. I've already given him a tool he can try, the method worked admirably for me, if it works for him it's not going to require some "help group" to open his mind and fill it with some other bullshit replacement addiction of their devising.



Like the 12 Step program for instance. Used in three quarters of treatment centers, over half of it is aimed at telling the addict they are useless and must submit to some deity instead. "Put your faith in the shy fairy instead of yourself, that pretend ideal is far more worthy of your trust than yourself"... yeah, real confidence builder right there. One more moon-eyed door-knocker spouting the "God helped me and he can help you too" mantra... yeah, no thanks. Taking addicts and getting them addicted to something else is not treating the problem, merely the symptom. You still have an addict at the end of it, and worse still they are running about filling other peoples heads with fairytales about hairy jews getting nailed to trees, benevolent daddies who mysteriously stand by and let it happen under the presumption it forgives us for our fuckups and the contradiction that even after all this, the addict still has to grovel for every last fuckup for forgiveness and Mr Sky Fairy will mete out favour... if he feels like it.



Well I've never met the sky fairy so I cannot comment with authority one way or the other on the notion that some "higher power" with priorities so far out of whack as to keep psychoanalysts busy for centuries actually exists. But I do know that I exist; I also know what I am capable of in terms of success and failure and most important of all, I can, have and will continue to accept Responsibility for not only my failures, but my successes too. I earned that, it wasn't granted to me by some higher power, certainly not one who on the face of it is telling me "well I can't/won't accept responsibility for my part in creating a flaw in my image, but you can accept it on my behalf and spend your days thanking me for it". Fuck that noise.



You might be right in presuming Mel might not be equal to the task. The truth is he is not going to know unless he tries. If the best advice he gets is "you will fail until you pray to muh mythological mutant star goat for help" then he will never truly liberate himself from the addiction, merely shift his drug of choice to something else. What he certainly won't be doing is recognising any power he has to take charge of his own life and under his own steam, because some greedy, grasping altarboy fondler has put it into the congregation's head that the only path to personal happiness and fulfillment is via ancient superstitions and we'd all better get on our knees and bow and scrape to it.



But hey, what would I know right? To hear you tell it, the last two decades of me successfully holding my own habits at bay and without groveling to Mr Sky Fairy for the privilege is clearly a Nancy Reagan inspired experience that nobody else should aspire to and we should do all we can to shape and mould Mel into the kind of person who runs about stealing Nintendo Switches and posting here about it.

Okay then,  :oeudC: Where to start? I'm not quite sure I know where and I'm not quite sure I want to. But here goes.



First I just want to address the long windedness of it all... Don't feel bad or take this personal because I have perpetrated my fair share of long winded twaddling on forums as well and I am probably about to do so again. I fully understand where you are coming from; you have scads of info to impart, an obsessive need to be thorough and a wish to be seen as more than just a run of the mill poster...I get it. I also want to say that I have often silently chided myself for being that way...It has led me to all too often go back and edit, condense and reevaluate and agonize over my posts needlessly. I've always striven to impart as much information as possible while trying very hard not to lose the reading audiance. This is what happens when you start treating forum venues like this as place of information exchange rather than what they are meant to be...a place of diversionary entertainment.



Now just one more thing regarding your post,  your opening statement contradicts the entire premise of what you wanted to say. Forgive me if I have misconstrued your intent but when you say "He's not doing it on his own" and then go on to lay out the virtues of the "not today" method; are you not implying that he is better off going about dealing with his addiction on his own? You openly state that if he follows the "not today" method he will not require any type of support, meaning that he will be on his own....Am I missing something here?



It appears to me that you simply used this thread as a means to express an extreme distain for any form of outside help or support especially those that use religion as a basis of their method. Why you feel that way is of no concern to me. I simply do not care what your beef with Christ or God or church is, or why or how it has come to pass. Furthermore I never expressly mentioned turning to God or any other higher power for Mel's benefit. I do know that there are individuals here that lean upon the cross in their daily lives and my attitude has always been..."whatever works for them is fine by me". I am not here to judge, belittle or criticize what gives them the strength to get through life. I am also not here as an advocate of any one individual method of support.



Obviously right from the getgo you have mistaken me for someone who actually gives a shit and that was your first mistake. I hope these few paragraphs have impressed upon you that I am here only to pick apart the stupidity that gets laid before me at my leisure and I do this purely for my own entertainment. I'm sorry that you wasted time and effort thinking otherwise.