...but as an alpha male I'm secure in my gender and my loving relationship, so... fuck it! :laugh:
A few days ago I couldn't wake up to my numerous early morning alarms because I was having a bizarre dream which kept continuing after I shut off each successive alarm off every 5 minutes.
My wife, "R", had knocked me up. ac_toofunny
I had earlier gone to the hospital after complaining of persistent abdominal discomfort and they delivered the verdict after numerous scans and ultrasounds.
I was with child, had been for many weeks, and I was one of the few biological men (1 in 3 million, or 1 in 3 billion, dunno...I forget now) that this could happen too.
She had consumed a couple of Thai energy drinks (which never ever happened ever in her rl), and managed to turbo charge one of her eggs, then my sperm, and combined it roamed her body like a zombified tweaker (or a Teh Scoundrel) until eventually ferrying back up my piss hole like a drug fueled ravers tongue (also akin to a Teh Scoundrel type).
That was all before the first alarm wake up.
I have 7 alarms and they're all set 5 minutes apart from the last one.
So what did we do in those 6 other segments some might ask?
Argue about abortion, shame, and how my wife would need to wear a strap on belly for 7-8 months, bring home the bacon, and how I'd be staying out of sight from family and coworkers until I birthed our Red Bull Urethra Star Child.... because a life is a life no matter what, and I could sense it growing in me... needing protection from baby groomers and haters. I was its man-momma. A tiny innocent and fragile life with a weird biochemistry involving caffeine and supposedly healthy supplements in carbonated delivery.
...and I was really getting emotional about it.
So much so, it made me 15 minutes late to real life work. ac_biggrin
So I don't give a fuck about dreams or how people view me for having them, so I told my elderly employer.... a farmer type in almost every way.... and he laughed so fucking hard then said... mate, your body your choice. Stick to your dream guns! You should keep your Red Bub.
(No Seamajor. I WILL NOT FUCK YOU and my scientifically novel love spawn would be guarded until the day they hit 18 years old and you're long gone interested in them... don't ask, don't hold out, don't expect a wind change. As a diligent baby d'omma, I must protect my children from creepy Chesters like you. You're a fucking freak of nature.)
The thought of giving birth through ones dick... the pain would be unbearable, but worth it when it came to firing the newborn and its attendant afterbirth out the ole spunk cannon.
Firen torpedo!
One thing does occur to me though... would you lactate something manly? Beer, bourbon... that sort of thing?
Quote from: Guest post_id=492798 time=1674899880
The thought of giving birth through ones dick... the pain would be unbearable, but worth it when it came to firing the newborn and its attendant afterbirth out the ole spunk cannon.
Firen torpedo!
The doctors were very consoling. There was no possibility or chance in hell (even at 1 to 300 billion odds) that a urethra birth could happen.
It would have to be a C-section at the appropriate time and if my body wasn't producing the necessary amounts of progesterone, estrogen, taurine, and caffeine. I'd be placed on a temporary prescription long enough to wean them off of suckling and accept french fries, chicken McNuggets, and a four pack of Red Bull each day, delivered in a baby bottle, with a nipple appropriately widened to the size of an outlet to a college beer bong.
As an expectant baby Dada Momma, my head was awash with the "what if's", yet knew that I'd be keeping our love spawn no matter what....deep down inside. Deep down in my belly, where I could feel our mutual and bonded love growing like an all knowing intuition... a bizarre reincarnation bazaar.
If Azrael fucked Smurfette and that fucking gato went prenatal instead, then Creepy Uncle Seamajor in his fat footed boot sacks and creepy black robe tried to nab baby Azette from cat belly, Azrael would be tooth, hook, and claw against that shit.
Same with my wife.
I told her "I'm having this child and you can either support me or you can leave, bitch".
To be fair, my wife came around in the dream sequences and agreed to wear a pillow under her blouse for me...
Quote from: Guest post_id=492799 time=1674900105
One thing does occur to me though... would you lactate something manly? Beer, bourbon... that sort of thing?
In this circumstance, possibly on martini's, chilled wines, and fruity lexia's... dunno.
I'm still early and in my dream sequences..
Quote from: Frood post_id=492802 time=1674901684 user_id=1676
Quote from: Guest post_id=492799 time=1674900105
One thing does occur to me though... would you lactate something manly? Beer, bourbon... that sort of thing?
In this circumstance, possibly on martini's, chilled wines, and fruity lexia's... dunno.
I'm still early and in my dream sequences..
Shhhhh, there's a bludger on the north shore who'd never get off your teats if he knew they were filled with Strongbow! ac_lmfao
That post made me almost cry and I don't even know why.
I'm a prospective dream state baby Dada Mama and you're not being kind to me or my baby shower attendees.
:sad:
Eat some snacky-smores and a half a chocolate cake, you'll be right. Just don't mix it with the pickles and anchovy smegma; I know you expectant mothers get weird cravings, but that shit is just plain disgusting and will fuck with your digestion.
If I in my current lifestyle could carry a baby to full term somewhere in my gut for 9 months and it didn't die very quickly, I'd be shovelling in extreme chillie sauces, hardcore liquor, and enough coffee in one sitting to lobotomise an elephant just to help my lil love child along.
Wait.... maybe that's why it chose me/us, right?
:laugh: Dude you are talking to yourself for views now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbcVm8iepQE
Quote from: weebles post_id=492810 time=1674904647 user_id=2191
:laugh: Dude you are talking to yourself for views now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbcVm8iepQE
Ok, ME...
Weebles seems miffed. Probably no eggs left in his carton.
Quote from: Guest post_id=492812 time=1674906518
Weebles seems miffed. Probably no eggs left in his carton.
According to my dream, I have AT LEAST ONE egg in my man carton...
But I wasn't miffed about it... I was like "I'm having our caffeine fueled crazy baby! Fuck anybody who challenges it!"
And seriously... THAT is the definition of both male and female parenthood. You make something, you love it together.
Quote from: Frood post_id=492813 time=1674908049 user_id=1676
Quote from: Guest post_id=492812 time=1674906518
Weebles seems miffed. Probably no eggs left in his carton.
According to my dream, I have AT LEAST ONE egg in my man carton...
But I wasn't miffed about it... I was like "I'm having our caffeine fueled crazy baby! Fuck anybody who challenges it!"
And seriously... THAT is the definition of both male and female parenthood. You make something, you love it together.
I must remember that the next time I'm attempting to make custard and it comes out lumpy.
Quote from: Guest post_id=492815 time=1674908362
Quote from: Frood post_id=492813 time=1674908049 user_id=1676
According to my dream, I have AT LEAST ONE egg in my man carton...
But I wasn't miffed about it... I was like "I'm having our caffeine fueled crazy baby! Fuck anybody who challenges it!"
And seriously... THAT is the definition of both male and female parenthood. You make something, you love it together.
I must remember that the next time I'm attempting to make custard and it comes out lumpy.
It's probably all in the angle and stroke. I'm sure you'll get it right one day.... ac_biggrin
Quote from: Frood post_id=492817 time=1674908944 user_id=1676
Quote from: Guest post_id=492815 time=1674908362
I must remember that the next time I'm attempting to make custard and it comes out lumpy.
It's probably all in the angle and stroke. I'm sure you'll get it right one day.... ac_biggrin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeJPbJWzu7M
ac_toofunny
Quote from: Guest post_id=492798 time=1674899880
The thought of giving birth through ones dick... the pain would be unbearable, but worth it when it came to firing the newborn and its attendant afterbirth out the ole spunk cannon.
Firen torpedo!
The pain is unbearable even doing it through a vagina.
The first time I did it I had a shitty doctor I never met (mine took a vacation last minute....nice eh?) and I didnt get the epidural I wanted. I was already terrified of birth during my entire pregnancy because women LOVE telling birth horror stories to first time moms. Had I known ahead of time it was gonna go down like it did I would have just stayed home.
So they cut your perineum during birth so you dont tear and as I pushing (with no epidural so I felt everything) I asked to PLEASE numb me before cutting. She looked at me like I was huge pain the ass and said "this is your first baby, so this is gonna take a while. So just keep pushing"
Welp that next push was the birth push so this stupid fucking cunt of a "doctor" panicked and sliced into me TWICE. I screamed and husband turned sheet white but at that point my daughter was born so we didnt dwell on.
Next day I found out I was the talk of the maternity floor because of my episiotomy stitches. I was 1 stitch away from requiring a surgeon.
They told me not to look at it. So of course I did. It didnt even look like a vagina. It looked like bruised hamburger with black fishing line sticking out of it. I thought there was no possible way that gonna ever go back to normal but somehow it did. Womens bodies are amazing.
It was considered a "birth injury" so all my births after my doctor was awesome. The pain of the entire experince changed my whole world view.
Watching troons talk about having periods and giving birth is so revolting and infuriating but I really think if they had to live in a real womans body for 90 days it would cure their gross fetish they have.
And if they want to know what birth feels like they can bang their dicks with a mallet for 8 hours because that's probably the equivalent. Have fun waddling around with severe cramping, and giant mesh underwear filled with rubber gloves filled with ice, tucks pads and giant diaper sized pads.
To respond to the OP.....I once had a dream that my husband was pregnant and it wasnt mine. It was actually another guy. I was so disturbed by it I still havent told him and it's been a few years LOL
Quote from: Frood post_id=492802 time=1674901684 user_id=1676
Quote from: Guest post_id=492799 time=1674900105
One thing does occur to me though... would you lactate something manly? Beer, bourbon... that sort of thing?
In this circumstance, possibly on martini's, chilled wines, and fruity lexia's... dunno.
I'm still early and in my dream sequences..
I always craved beer and martinis. What I settled for was sucking the pickle juice out of those bagged pickles from the gas station.
And then I'd follow it up with entire role of mint flavored rol iads.
Quote from: Dove post_id=492840 time=1674921400 user_id=3266
Quote from: Frood post_id=492802 time=1674901684 user_id=1676
In this circumstance, possibly on martini's, chilled wines, and fruity lexia's... dunno.
I'm still early and in my dream sequences..
I always craved beer and martinis. What I settled for was sucking the pickle juice out of those bagged pickles from the gas station.
.
And then I'd follow it up with entire role of mint flavored rol iads.
I feel like we're well on our way to connecting as expectant "persons" with each other in an expectant prenatal parent's group.
We could do each other's hair if I was in another such dream state
Quote from: Frood post_id=492843 time=1674921774 user_id=1676
Quote from: Dove post_id=492840 time=1674921400 user_id=3266
I always craved beer and martinis. What I settled for was sucking the pickle juice out of those bagged pickles from the gas station.
.
And then I'd follow it up with entire role of mint flavored rol iads.
I feel like we're well on our way to connecting as expectant "persons" with each other in an expectant prenatal parent's group.
We could do each other's hair if I was in another such dream state
I could be your man dula ac_wub
Quote from: Dove post_id=492844 time=1674921903 user_id=3266
Quote from: Frood post_id=492843 time=1674921774 user_id=1676
I feel like we're well on our way to connecting as expectant "persons" with each other in an expectant prenatal parent's group.
We could do each other's hair if I was in another such dream state
I could be your man dula ac_wub
I can only plait and tie pony tails but I make a stellar cup of tea...
Quote from: Frood post_id=492846 time=1674922048 user_id=1676
Quote from: Dove post_id=492844 time=1674921903 user_id=3266
I could be your man dula ac_wub
I can only plait and tie pony tails but I make a stellar cup of tea...
I didnt say anything but last year we had a very worrisome period where we were concerned the vasectomy failed. Which happens more often than youd realize.
Turns out I was just stressed. Thank God. Because if I got pregnant again now I'd freak out and probably stay freaked out until death lol.
Quote from: Dove post_id=492853 time=1674922863 user_id=3266
Quote from: Frood post_id=492846 time=1674922048 user_id=1676
I can only plait and tie pony tails but I make a stellar cup of tea...
I didnt say anything but last year we had a very worrisome period where we were concerned the vasectomy failed. Which happens more often than youd realize.
Turns out I was just stressed. Thank God. Because if I got pregnant again now I'd freak out and probably stay freaked out until death lol.
Ahh man. If you got preggers now, you'd be Oak sized in less than 5 years... :laugh3:
Quote from: Frood post_id=492860 time=1674923439 user_id=1676
Quote from: Dove post_id=492853 time=1674922863 user_id=3266
I didnt say anything but last year we had a very worrisome period where we were concerned the vasectomy failed. Which happens more often than youd realize.
Turns out I was just stressed. Thank God. Because if I got pregnant again now I'd freak out and probably stay freaked out until death lol.
Ahh man. If you got preggers now, you'd be Oak sized in less than 5 years... :laugh3:
Never. I'd never let that happen lol.
It would be a fight though :shock:
Quote from: Dove post_id=492864 time=1674924007 user_id=3266
Quote from: Frood post_id=492860 time=1674923439 user_id=1676
Ahh man. If you got preggers now, you'd be Oak sized in less than 5 years... :laugh3:
Never. I'd never let that happen lol.
It would be a fight though :shock:
I'd have to paste cut outs of Fat Oak inside LED illuminated sunglasses and wear them while sleeping if I was a momma dadda expecting father to be... or I might consume an entire Little Caesar's.... cartons, kids, and shop fittings and all.
Have you meanies been picking on Seamidget again?
Quote from: Frood post_id=492867 time=1674924534 user_id=1676
Quote from: Dove post_id=492864 time=1674924007 user_id=3266
Never. I'd never let that happen lol.
It would be a fight though :shock:
I'd have to paste cut outs of Fat Oak inside LED illuminated sunglasses and wear them while sleeping if I was a momma dadda expecting father to be... or I might consume an entire Little Caesar's.... cartons, kids, and shop fittings and all.
The only time in pregnancy where you can eat like a dump truck is like...22 to 30 weeks.
In the beginning you puke constantly. At least I did. Everything...and I mean everything...smelled like arm pit to me. Fabric fucked me up. Everything stunk. It would be fresh from the wash and I swear to god I smelled dust mite farts. My husband and I are weird and sensitive about smells as it is. A mouse farts at midnight and we are up trying to find what stinks "before it gets worse"...and even he thought I was crazy.
I would DIE for food, the minute the smell hit me i was puking.
At the end you are just nonstop miserable and have no room. You cant eat. You cant sleep. You cant stand or sit or do anything comfortably. Its just 8 to 10 weeks but it feels like years. All I did at the end was get in and out of the bath tub and bounced on a yoga ball. And whine for milkshakes.
Quote from: Dove post_id=492875 time=1674926036 user_id=3266
Quote from: Frood post_id=492867 time=1674924534 user_id=1676
I'd have to paste cut outs of Fat Oak inside LED illuminated sunglasses and wear them while sleeping if I was a momma dadda expecting father to be... or I might consume an entire Little Caesar's.... cartons, kids, and shop fittings and all.
The only time in pregnancy where you can eat like a dump truck is like...22 to 30 weeks.
In the beginning you puke constantly. At least I did. Everything...and I mean everything...smelled like arm pit to me. Fabric fucked me up. Everything stunk. It would be fresh from the wash and I swear to god I smelled dust mite farts.
I would DIE for food, the minute the smell hit me i was puking.
At the end you are just nonstop miserable and have no room. You can eat. You cant sleep. You cant stand or sit or do anything comfortably. Its just 8 to 10 weeks but it feels like years. All I did at the end was get in and out of the bath tub and bounced on a yoga ball. And whine for milkshakes.
I do those things anyway.
This phantom dream state reverse insemination should be a walk in the park!
Quote from: Frood post_id=492877 time=1674926217 user_id=1676
Quote from: Dove post_id=492875 time=1674926036 user_id=3266
The only time in pregnancy where you can eat like a dump truck is like...22 to 30 weeks.
In the beginning you puke constantly. At least I did. Everything...and I mean everything...smelled like arm pit to me. Fabric fucked me up. Everything stunk. It would be fresh from the wash and I swear to god I smelled dust mite farts.
I would DIE for food, the minute the smell hit me i was puking.
At the end you are just nonstop miserable and have no room. You can eat. You cant sleep. You cant stand or sit or do anything comfortably. Its just 8 to 10 weeks but it feels like years. All I did at the end was get in and out of the bath tub and bounced on a yoga ball. And whine for milkshakes.
I do those things anyway.
This phantom dream state reverse insemination should be a walk in the park!
https://youtu.be/3tvegr-O9vI
https://youtu.be/b81Cr97ANrk
Lol
Quote from: Dove post_id=492878 time=1674926400 user_id=3266
Quote from: Frood post_id=492877 time=1674926217 user_id=1676
I do those things anyway.
This phantom dream state reverse insemination should be a walk in the park!
https://youtu.be/3tvegr-O9vI
https://youtu.be/b81Cr97ANrk
Lol
I wasn't at those points. Just 8 weeks and barely showing.
Why do want to diminish me like that? Is it because I'm a mansal in distress?
You natural baby mommas always put your own experiences ahead of everybody else trying to conceive in alternative manners.
I never once felt my beer belly baby kick in my dream man pregnancy but I always knew they were there... maybe hiding behind an organ or intestinal.
We were CONNECTED in ways I can't explain.
I could only stroke my bulbous protruding belly and think of the future.... like when I took them for their first joyride in an old 75 series Landcruiser with malfunctioning spotlights and a dodgy clutch then we shot a wallaby with a .22 magnum and roasted it over the open fire, but my womb child insisted on a balanced diet, so I cracked a tin of corn kernels and generic
Spaghetti'O's, and my loin child was like "thanks, mommyy-daddio!
"You're so good to me! Best mommy daddy evar@"
seamajor got caught out there lusting over trannies
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Quote from: "Biggie Smiles" post_id=492899 time=1674932599 user_id=3214
seamajor got caught out there lusting over trannies
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
He is old and his eyes aint so good.
Quote from: Frood post_id=492896 time=1674931975 user_id=1676
Quote from: Dove post_id=492878 time=1674926400 user_id=3266
https://youtu.be/3tvegr-O9vI
https://youtu.be/b81Cr97ANrk
Lol
I wasn't at those points. Just 8 weeks and barely showing.
Why do want to diminish me like that? Is it because I'm a mansal in distress?
You natural baby mommas always put your own experiences ahead of everybody else trying to conceive in alternative manners.
I never once felt my beer belly baby kick in my dream man pregnancy but I always knew they were there... maybe hiding behind an organ or intestinal.
We were CONNECTED in ways I can't explain.
I could only stroke my bulbous protruding belly and think of the future.... like when I took them for their first joyride in an old 75 series Landcruiser with malfunctioning spotlights and a dodgy clutch then we shot a wallaby with a .22 magnum and roasted it over the open fire, but my womb child insisted on a balanced diet, so I cracked a tin of corn kernels and generic
Spaghetti'O's, and my loin child was like "thanks, mommyy-daddio!
"You're so good to me! Best mommy daddy evar@"
:roll:
Quote from: Dove post_id=492878 time=1674926400 user_id=3266
Quote from: Frood post_id=492877 time=1674926217 user_id=1676
I do those things anyway.
This phantom dream state reverse insemination should be a walk in the park!
https://youtu.be/3tvegr-O9vI
https://youtu.be/b81Cr97ANrk
Lol
So Dove, where does it hurt the most?
In the tummy, down under or all over?
Which part of the body is the pain most intense when a woman is in labor?
They should do that test on a real dude...
Of course a group of homosexual dramaqueens from buzzfeed are gonna be over-dramatic.
Quote from: Dove post_id=492839 time=1674921174 user_id=3266
Quote from: Guest post_id=492798 time=1674899880
The thought of giving birth through ones dick... the pain would be unbearable, but worth it when it came to firing the newborn and its attendant afterbirth out the ole spunk cannon.
Firen torpedo!
The pain is unbearable even doing it through a vagina. Watching troons talk about having periods and giving birth is so revolting and infuriating but I really think if they had to live in a real womans body for 90 days it would cure their gross fetish they have.
Ulcers can apparently mimic that level of pain, though I have my doubts. I had an ulcer for the longest time, it would flare periodically (initially around every eleven months or thereabouts) but the pain episodes would largely have corrected themselves before I could get in front of a general practitioner to find out what the hell was going on, which wasn't helpful. One of my earlier hospital stays, a nurse made the comparison between the two. I was in back arching agony from abdominal pain at the time, but I remember thinking that surely labour pains were worse. Well, it terms of pain level at least, because if we're to be honest here, you're forcing a watermelon out of a lemon sized hole which isn't exactly going to tickle. But at least you know you'll eventually be done and dusted with the worst of it, which was a consideration I did not have. I knew it wasn't labour because (duhh) "wrong equipment" and the five long hour sessions of sweating and writhing and of trying to find a position... any position... that offered even the slightest relief from that gut wrenching experience was all too often a nightly odyssey that ended with an hour or two of feeling like my guts were tearing loose from their moorings. Then I would void the contents of my stomach... violently... and be able to get a little shuteye for my troubles. It would be fourteen years of increasingly painful and frequent episodes like these before before anyone correctly diagnosed what was happening and treated it. Luckily I was in North America by then and had access to non-amoxycillin based treatments.
Even so, I doubt I'd have the pain tolerance for childbirth, though my endurance might stand me in good stead. Thankfully I won't ever have the occasion to find out... I can leave that sort of shit to the experts and tip my hat in respect of a job well done.
Quote from: JOE post_id=492927 time=1674936502 user_id=97
Quote from: Dove post_id=492878 time=1674926400 user_id=3266
https://youtu.be/3tvegr-O9vI
https://youtu.be/b81Cr97ANrk
Lol
So Dove, where does it hurt the most?
In the tummy, down under or all over?
Which part of the body is the pain most intense when a woman is in labor?
It starts off the worst gas you've ever had.
By the end it feels like gravity has turned on you and is trying to thread your belly through your spine. It's pretty fucking painful. Like comically painful.
It painful enough where pushing is actually a relief. It's a relief to have a tiny human beings shoulder ripping your whole ass asunder.
Probably the lower back is the worst towards the end. For me at least. I had back labor with each baby and now have permanent sciatic nerve damage.
Worth it though.
Quote from: Guest post_id=492934 time=1674941577
Quote from: Dove post_id=492839 time=1674921174 user_id=3266
The pain is unbearable even doing it through a vagina. Watching troons talk about having periods and giving birth is so revolting and infuriating but I really think if they had to live in a real womans body for 90 days it would cure their gross fetish they have.
Ulcers can apparently mimic that level of pain, though I have my doubts. I had an ulcer for the longest time, it would flare periodically (initially around every eleven months or thereabouts) but the pain episodes would largely have corrected themselves before I could get in front of a general practitioner to find out what the hell was going on, which wasn't helpful. One of my earlier hospital stays, a nurse made the comparison between the two. I was in back arching agony from abdominal pain at the time, but I remember thinking that surely labour pains were worse. Well, it terms of pain level at least, because if we're to be honest here, you're forcing a watermelon out of a lemon sized hole which isn't exactly going to tickle. But at least you know you'll eventually be done and dusted with the worst of it, which was a consideration I did not have. I knew it wasn't labour because (duhh) "wrong equipment" and the five long hour sessions of sweating and writhing and of trying to find a position... any position... that offered even the slightest relief from that gut wrenching experience was all too often a nightly odyssey that ended with an hour or two of feeling like my guts were tearing loose from their moorings. Then I would void the contents of my stomach... violently... and be able to get a little shuteye for my troubles. It would be fourteen years of increasingly painful and frequent episodes like these before before anyone correctly diagnosed what was happening and treated it. Luckily I was in North America by then and had access to non-amoxycillin based treatments.
Even so, I doubt I'd have the pain tolerance for childbirth, though my endurance might stand me in good stead. Thankfully I won't ever have the occasion to find out... I can leave that sort of shit to the experts and tip my hat in respect of a job well done.
Well as a woman who have birth 4 times...naturally ...and three times with no epidural so I got the full experince....and who has also had kidney stones to the point of needing a tube through my actual fucking back....I can tell you this.
First....obstructed kidney stones IMO are worse than labor.
And a good mimicking of childbirth would actually be if you took the worst gas pain you've ever had and multiplied by about 100....to the point where your palms sweat and you go to your knees....and felt like you had a melon shaped bomb in your pelvic area....that's pretty much child birth.
Usually when I say "gas pain" people are like "awww man that's nothing".....I dont mean a few cramps. I mean like post surgery gas pain lol. Severe and crippling.
Men are not built to process that level of pain. I'm not one of those women that calls men pussies because they wouldnt tolerate birth well. I honestly think if a man (could do it) and HAD to do it....he would get through it just like all is women get through it. I've seen and heard some of the shit men have gone through to survive. Like getting mauled by bears. Crawling for days with gun shot wounds. Men are tough as fuck....we dont have any REAL one up because God cursed us with incredibly painful birth process.
Ulcers are horrific! Extremely painful. NOT quite birth level but that burning is baaaadddd.
Quote from: Dove post_id=492941 time=1674943644 user_id=3266
Quote from: Guest post_id=492934 time=1674941577
Ulcers can apparently mimic that level of pain, though I have my doubts. I had an ulcer for the longest time, it would flare periodically (initially around every eleven months or thereabouts) but the pain episodes would largely have corrected themselves before I could get in front of a general practitioner to find out what the hell was going on, which wasn't helpful. One of my earlier hospital stays, a nurse made the comparison between the two. I was in back arching agony from abdominal pain at the time, but I remember thinking that surely labour pains were worse. Well, it terms of pain level at least, because if we're to be honest here, you're forcing a watermelon out of a lemon sized hole which isn't exactly going to tickle. But at least you know you'll eventually be done and dusted with the worst of it, which was a consideration I did not have. I knew it wasn't labour because (duhh) "wrong equipment" and the five long hour sessions of sweating and writhing and of trying to find a position... any position... that offered even the slightest relief from that gut wrenching experience was all too often a nightly odyssey that ended with an hour or two of feeling like my guts were tearing loose from their moorings. Then I would void the contents of my stomach... violently... and be able to get a little shuteye for my troubles. It would be fourteen years of increasingly painful and frequent episodes like these before before anyone correctly diagnosed what was happening and treated it. Luckily I was in North America by then and had access to non-amoxycillin based treatments.
Even so, I doubt I'd have the pain tolerance for childbirth, though my endurance might stand me in good stead. Thankfully I won't ever have the occasion to find out... I can leave that sort of shit to the experts and tip my hat in respect of a job well done.
Well as a woman who have birth 4 times...naturally ...and three times with no epidural so I got the full experince....and who has also had kidney stones to the point of needing a tube through my actual fucking back....I can tell you this.
First....obstructed kidney stones IMO are worse than labor.
And a good mimicking of childbirth would actually be if you took the worst gas pain you've ever had and multiplied by about 100....to the point where your palms sweat and you go to your knees....and felt like you had a melon shaped bomb in your pelvic area....that's pretty much child birth.
Usually when I say "gas pain" people are like "awww man that's nothing".....I dont mean a few cramps. I mean like post surgery gas pain lol. Severe and crippling.
Everything except the bomb in the pelvis bit. And the sweaty palms? That was every square inch of my skin. More than once paramedics were convinced the pain was indicative of a cardiac episode I knew it wasn't that, but you know how much ice it cuts with a medical professional when the patient tries to tell them their business.
Never had kidney stones, though I did have some testicular spasms in my early twenties. All the cramp pain you've ever imagined, concentrated into a needlepoint skewer and stabbed right up the crotch... not fun.
I'd slam a 5th of Jack.
Seamajor seemed like the most unhappy person I have seen posting here.
Lol too funny Frued. Maybe now you'll get a craving and try pineapple on pizza ac_dance
My wife, she craved pickles. She would put them on pizza. But the most disgusting, was using vanilla pudding as dip for pickles like chip hahaha.
Quote from: Blazor post_id=493116 time=1675097155 user_id=2221
Lol too funny Frued. Maybe now you'll get a craving and try pineapple on pizza ac_dance
My wife, she craved pickles. She would put them on pizza. But the most disgusting, was using vanilla pudding as dip for pickles like chip hahaha.
Yuck
I never eat fast food but during the first trimester I wanted a nacho bell grande so fucking bad. And I finally got one and the smell was gagging me.
So I took that shit into the bathroom with me and are it while I puked.
Quote from: Dove post_id=493124 time=1675099635 user_id=3266
Quote from: Blazor post_id=493116 time=1675097155 user_id=2221
Lol too funny Frued. Maybe now you'll get a craving and try pineapple on pizza ac_dance
My wife, she craved pickles. She would put them on pizza. But the most disgusting, was using vanilla pudding as dip for pickles like chip hahaha.
Yuck
I never eat fast food but during the first trimester I wanted a nacho bell grande so fucking bad. And I finally got one and the smell was gagging me.
So I took that shit into the bathroom with me and are it while I puked.
Lol dang!
I cant tell you how many times I had to go by Burger King for a ham and cheese from them lol. That was her MAIN craving.
I do not get food to go very often. If I go into town in the summer on my bike I always have a beer or two at the hotel.