I struggle. So many people die from addiction. So many relapse, even after several years of being clean. Those occasional intrusive thoughts will surface in my mind that tell me I'm kidding myself. I'm no more together than all of those others who fall back. Its hard to express to people how you can miss something you hated. Heroin rapes your brain chemistry and your soul. I think physiologically it takes about 2 years to balance out the dopemine levels. So, mean while....the lows are like mental/emotional flat lines. They are also reflective and painful. Hard to cope with when you are busy with life.
I totally understand Dove, Just have to focus on how far you come and be strong!!
Life is alot better on this side of the fence.
I'm not entertaining relapse. I'm at the point where if the drug somehow came into my space, I could flush it without breaking a sweat. Yes that's how I sometimes measure my progress. It's more the ongoing aftermath and lingering intrusive thoughts. I had to dig into all my business and that's just difficult. I don't wanna be strong. I just wanna be. I have the next few nights off, and then I have a weekend off. I'm going up north to Oscoda. I've gotten thrown off my spiritual equalibrium a few times over the past couple weeks and it's time for some nature and getting recentered with God.
Quote from: "Dove"
One can still focus and be strong and not entertain the thought of relapse. Thats not how i intended it to sound sorry.
Quote from: "Dove"
I wish I could understand what you are going through Dove, but I can't.
As you know you are never alone in any struggle..
Lean on him.
Be grateful your relapses involve a level of intention and contemplation.
From what I observe, Dove, it is remarkable how far you've come. As we say in my circle, keep it up, gurl! :thumbup:
Quote from: "Azhya Aryola"
I made the same observation.
Quote from: "Herman"
Quote from: "Azhya Aryola"
I made the same observation.
i thought thats what i said to
Quote from: "Keeper"
Quote from: "Herman"
Quote from: "Azhya Aryola"
I made the same observation.
i thought thats what i said to
I agree with both you and Herman.
ac_smile
Very honest Dove. This sentence stood out for me: Quote from: "Dove"
In seven (7) years, all of your body cells will have changed over: Quote
//http://stemcell.stanford.edu/research/
Seven years is a long time, but once you get there - you'll know that you're a whole new person, cellularly ac_smile
Thank you guys :) Keeper I didn't think you were saying that. When you are a recovering addict, you get really used to reassuring people lol. Sorry.
As a friend says to me in hard times:
"You've got this."