Laughter Lounge

[Couch Potato]

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

[priscilla1961]

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[kiebers]

[Anonymous]

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

 ac_dunno

[priscilla1961]

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[priscilla1961]

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[Odinson]

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2265415/84894044.jpg">

Its just Trump grabbing them by the pussy.

[Bricktop]

http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2265415/84894044.jpg">

"So THAT'S where you hide your peanuts!!"

[Bricktop]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."

[Blazor]

lol tomorrow is turkey day...



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[Anonymous]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."

 

[kiebers]

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[Anonymous]

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Well it is isn't it. ac_toofunny

[kiebers]

I booked into a hotel the other day. As the receptionist was handing me the keys I commented, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."



"No it's regular porn, you sick fuck," I was stunned to hear.

[kiebers]

The teacher tells the class what a parable is and gives them homework of researching a real life one.



The next day. Mary tells the story of her father needing to sell 12 chickens, so he bought 12 eggs and incubated them. Only 10 hatched, so he didn't have 12 chickens to sell. "What is the moral of that story, Mary?" "Don't count your chickens till they're hatched, miss." Mary gets a gold star.



Judy is up next and tells the story of her mother buying a dozen eggs which she carried home in a basket on the front seat. At one point she slammed on the brakes and all the eggs broke when the basket fell off the seat. "What is the moral of that story, Judy?" "Don't put all your eggs in one basket, miss." Judy gets a gold star.



You guessed it, the next speaker is Johnny. He relates a story told by his dad. His aunt, Shirl, was a fighter pilot shot down over Iraq. As she was coming down by parachute she saw she would land amongst about 100 enemy soldiers. A review of her possessions revealed a half bottle of whisky, an M60 machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky, landed amongst the enemy, mowed 85 of them down with the gun then finished off the rest with the machete.



Of course the teacher was flabbergasted. "What is the moral of that story, Johnny?" "Dad says it's, don't fuck with Auntie Shirl when she's pissed."