Babylon Bee, People's Cube etc.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/blm-founder-reminds-everyone-justice-wont-fully-be-served-until-she-pays-off-her-houses">BLM Founder Reminds Everyone that despite  Floyd Verdict, Justice Won't Fully Be Served Until She Can Buy A 5th House



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8458-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all three counts, the crowds outside the courthouse breathed a sigh of relief and began to celebrate.



"Wait! Not so fast!" said BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors to the crowds. "We have more work to do! We haven't really achieved justice! We must not stop until I can afford to buy a 5th house! Er-- I mean, until we dismantle all the systems or whatever!"



"Chant with me now! No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!"



The crowd was initially confused as they thought justice had already been served, but they forgot about all that when they joined along with Cullors and remembered how fun it was to chant.



"No justice, no peace!" they all chanted in unison.



They then marched on the courthouse to decide whether they would use all the bricks and soup cans they had brought for the occasion.



BLM leaders estimate it may take another few more months of violent activism until Cullors can afford her 5th dream home.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/jurors-read-their-final-will-before-giving-verdict">Jurors To Read Their Final Wills Before Giving Verdict



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8457-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After hours of sequestered deliberation, the jury in the Derek Chauvin trial has reached a decision. Before that, however, they will be each reading their last wills to ensure their affairs are in order before giving the verdict.



"Yeah, we reached a verdict pretty quickly, but most of our time deliberating was actually spent on LegalZoom getting our affairs in order," said one nervous juror who was decked out in Kevlar and a fireproof hazmat suit. "We will be reading our wills aloud so there will be witnesses just in case the peaceful protestors murder us all."



Experts are saying the jury will be fair and impartial in spite of the fact that a sitting U.S. congresswoman called for riots, the sitting President called for a "guilty" verdict, and there are 1000 pitchfork and torch-wielding rioters right outside the doors.



Biden has sent a National Guard helicopter to pick up the jurists at the courthouse and bring them to safety-- as long as they reach his preferred verdict.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/in-closing-argument-prosecutor-tearfully-addresses-each-juror-by-name-phone-number-and-street-address">In Closing Argument, Prosecutor Tearfully Addresses Each Juror By Name, Phone Number, And Street Address



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8444-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Prosecutor Steve Schleicher delivered powerful closing arguments today in the Derek Chauvin trial. In one especially touching moment, he made sure to individually address every member of the jury by name, phone number, and street address.



"I call on you, [redacted] whose phone number is [redacted] and who lives at [redacted]," he said through tears. "Do the right thing and pronounce the defendant guilty. And you [redacted], who can be reached at [redacted] and usually comes home each night at 6pm, I implore you to do what's best for you and your adorable 2-year-old boy. It would be a shame if Antifa found out where he goes to school."



Media reports indicated the jury appeared very moved by the closing arguments, as they were all shaking and crying by the end of them.



In yet another touching gesture, Antifa has already shown up at all the addresses with bricks and Molotov cocktails to help protect them in case any fascists show up.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/college-student-aces-final-by-just-answering-racism-to-every-question">College Student Aces Final By Just Answering 'Racism!' To Every Question



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8438-2.jpg">



ARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—According to sources, local English major Charlie Miller was able to ace her final exam by simply writing in the word "racism!" for every answer.



"Yeah, I completely forgot to study last night so I figured I would try it," she said. "90% of my lectures this year were just hour-long sessions of my professor saying 'racism' over and over again in different inflections, so I figured my chances were pretty good if I made that the answer to all the test questions."



The Skidmore College English professor who delivered the passing grade explained her rationale. "Charlie's test answers weren't technically correct, but they spoke to a deeper truth: everything is racist. At Skidmore College, creating leftist radicals who can find racism everywhere and help us burn down Western Civilization is much more important than educating people. For that reason, we decided to give her a passing grade!"



Local sources say Skidmore College is facing an influx of racist behavior, such as students being openly conservative and voting for Republicans or Libertarians.



"The rise in white supremacist activity at our school is really frightening," said the professor. "One girl named Hannah Davis actually tried to start a conservative student organization on campus. I'm literally shaking right now just thinking about it."



In addition to accepting "racist!" as the answer to every question on every test, the professor said she will offer extra credit for sending threatening letters or doxxing conservatives.



https://media.babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-8438-art607dd508ae0d4.jpg">



NOT SATIRE: Young Americans for Liberty is fighting back against cancel culture!



YAL is the largest and most effective pro-liberty student organization in the country. You can help students like Hannah Davis DEFEAT cancel culture by sponsoring YAL student activists.



Cancel culture emerged from college campuses and that's where YAL is fighting back.





"We have to do this so our students will feel safe," she said.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/jurors-read-their-final-will-before-giving-verdict">Jurors To Read Their Final Wills Before Giving Verdict



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8457-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After hours of sequestered deliberation, the jury in the Derek Chauvin trial has reached a decision. Before that, however, they will be each reading their last wills to ensure their affairs are in order before giving the verdict.



"Yeah, we reached a verdict pretty quickly, but most of our time deliberating was actually spent on LegalZoom getting our affairs in order," said one nervous juror who was decked out in Kevlar and a fireproof hazmat suit. "We will be reading our wills aloud so there will be witnesses just in case the peaceful protestors murder us all."



Experts are saying the jury will be fair and impartial in spite of the fact that a sitting U.S. congresswoman called for riots, the sitting President called for a "guilty" verdict, and there are 1000 pitchfork and torch-wielding rioters right outside the doors.



Biden has sent a National Guard helicopter to pick up the jurists at the courthouse and bring them to safety-- as long as they reach his preferred verdict.

[Anonymous]

https://server1.kproxy.com/servlet/redirect.srv/sruj/snomzbznrrt/p2/news/blm-founder-reminds-everyone-justice-wont-fully-be-served-until-she-pays-off-her-houses">BLM Founder Reminds Everyone that despite  Floyd Verdict, Justice Won't Fully Be Served Until She Can Buy A 5th House



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8458-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all three counts, the crowds outside the courthouse breathed a sigh of relief and began to celebrate.



"Wait! Not so fast!" said BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors to the crowds. "We have more work to do! We haven't really achieved justice! We must not stop until I can afford to buy a 5th house! Er-- I mean, until we dismantle all the systems or whatever!"



"Chant with me now! No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!"



The crowd was initially confused as they thought justice had already been served, but they forgot about all that when they joined along with Cullors and remembered how fun it was to chant.



"No justice, no peace!" they all chanted in unison.



They then marched on the courthouse to decide whether they would use all the bricks and soup cans they had brought for the occasion.



BLM leaders estimate it may take another few more months of violent activism until Cullors can afford her 5th dream home.

Is it racist to point out her hypocrisy?

[Anonymous]

https://server1.kproxy.com/servlet/redirect.srv/sruj/snomzbznrrt/p2/news/college-student-aces-final-by-just-answering-racism-to-every-question">College Student Aces Final By Just Answering 'Racism!' To Every Question



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8438-2.jpg">



ARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—According to sources, local English major Charlie Miller was able to ace her final exam by simply writing in the word "racism!" for every answer.



"Yeah, I completely forgot to study last night so I figured I would try it," she said. "90% of my lectures this year were just hour-long sessions of my professor saying 'racism' over and over again in different inflections, so I figured my chances were pretty good if I made that the answer to all the test questions."



The Skidmore College English professor who delivered the passing grade explained her rationale. "Charlie's test answers weren't technically correct, but they spoke to a deeper truth: everything is racist. At Skidmore College, creating leftist radicals who can find racism everywhere and help us burn down Western Civilization is much more important than educating people. For that reason, we decided to give her a passing grade!"



Local sources say Skidmore College is facing an influx of racist behavior, such as students being openly conservative and voting for Republicans or Libertarians.



"The rise in white supremacist activity at our school is really frightening," said the professor. "One girl named Hannah Davis actually tried to start a conservative student organization on campus. I'm literally shaking right now just thinking about it."



In addition to accepting "racist!" as the answer to every question on every test, the professor said she will offer extra credit for sending threatening letters or doxxing conservatives.



https://media.babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-8438-art607dd508ae0d4.jpg">



NOT SATIRE: Young Americans for Liberty is fighting back against cancel culture!



YAL is the largest and most effective pro-liberty student organization in the country. You can help students like Hannah Davis DEFEAT cancel culture by sponsoring YAL student activists.



Cancel culture emerged from college campuses and that's where YAL is fighting back.





"We have to do this so our students will feel safe," she said.

I believed it.

 

[Anonymous]

This is good stuff cc.

[cc]

https://server1.kproxy.com/servlet/redirect.srv/sruj/snomzbznrrt/p2/news/blm-founder-reminds-everyone-justice-wont-fully-be-served-until-she-pays-off-her-houses">BLM Founder Reminds Everyone that despite  Floyd Verdict, Justice Won't Fully Be Served Until She Can Buy A 5th House



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8458-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—After Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all three counts, the crowds outside the courthouse breathed a sigh of relief and began to celebrate.



"Wait! Not so fast!" said BLM co-founder Patrisse Cullors to the crowds. "We have more work to do! We haven't really achieved justice! We must not stop until I can afford to buy a 5th house! Er-- I mean, until we dismantle all the systems or whatever!"



"Chant with me now! No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!"



The crowd was initially confused as they thought justice had already been served, but they forgot about all that when they joined along with Cullors and remembered how fun it was to chant.



"No justice, no peace!" they all chanted in unison.



They then marched on the courthouse to decide whether they would use all the bricks and soup cans they had brought for the occasion.



BLM leaders estimate it may take another few more months of violent activism until Cullors can afford her 5th dream home.

Is it racist to point out her hypocrisy?

Of course. We have people with large backpacks and flares circling our condo and pressuring City Hall for "Defund the Cops"



I'm cancelled by the board  .. all whites wishing they had been born black & racked with guilt



Didn't take long

[cc]

This is good stuff cc.

OK. if you like it I'll post more. I figure if we can't stop the silliness, we might as well laff @ it .. because it's not all that far off the truth



Here's Karen, a wannabe helper of BLM.  trying to help the cause



https://babylonbee.com/news/wife-loots-target-in-name-of-racial-justice-still-somehow-spends-250">Wife Loots Target In Name Of Racial Justice, Still Somehow Spends $250



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8453-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Local woman Chloe Larson heard that there were protests going on in the name of racial justice. She wasn't really interested, though, until she heard that protesters were looting a local Target. Larson immediately jumped up and shouted "For George Floyd!" as she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.



Baffled sources confirmed that she still somehow managed to spend $250.



"I'm not sure this lady knows how looting works," said one Target employee. "Just out of habit, she came up to our last self-checkout machine that hadn't been smashed in and looted yet and happily spent $250 on her Target card. I tried to tell her everything was free today, but she didn't seem to hear. She said something about getting points on her Target app."



She also stopped at the in-store Starbucks and looted a Frappuccino, somehow spending $6.



Larson then stopped to loot a Hobby Lobby on the way home and managed to spend over $1,000, sources had confirmed at publishing time.

[Anonymous]

This is good stuff cc.

OK. if you like it I'll post more. I figure if we can't stop the silliness, we might as well laff @ it .. because it's not all that far off the truth



Here's Karen, a wannabe helper of BLM.  trying to help the cause



//Wife%20Loots%20Target%20In%20Name%20Of%20Racial%20Justice,%20Still%20Somehow%20Spends%20$250



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-8453-1.jpg">



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—Local woman Chloe Larson heard that there were protests going on in the name of racial justice. She wasn't really interested, though, until she heard that protesters were looting a local Target. Larson immediately jumped up and shouted "For George Floyd!" as she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.



Baffled sources confirmed that she still somehow managed to spend $250.



"I'm not sure this lady knows how looting works," said one Target employee. "Just out of habit, she came up to our last self-checkout machine that hadn't been smashed in and looted yet and happily spent $250 on her Target card. I tried to tell her everything was free today, but she didn't seem to hear. She said something about getting points on her Target app."



She also stopped at the in-store Starbucks and looted a Frappuccino, somehow spending $6.



Larson then stopped to loot a Hobby Lobby on the way home and managed to spend over $1,000, sources had confirmed at publishing time.

 

[Anonymous]

After Chauvin Verdict, BLM Volunteers To Rebuild Minneapolis, Return All Looted Items

https://babylonbee.com/news/after-chauvin-verdict-blm-volunteers-to-rebuild-minneapolis-return-all-looted-items">https://babylonbee.com/news/after-chauv ... oted-items">https://babylonbee.com/news/after-chauvin-verdict-blm-volunteers-to-rebuild-minneapolis-return-all-looted-items



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—BLM organizers celebrated the verdict of the Chauvin trial this week. In a touching and healing gesture, they have offered to rebuild the wreckage of Minneapolis and return all looted items back to their owners.



"We did what we came to do," said one BLM organizer. "Now we have achieved perfect justice and our work here is completed. We are looking forward to being a part of reconciliation and healing moving forward."



For the next several years, organizers will be donating their time to repair broken windows, restore torched cars, and return costly loot back to their rightful owners.



"It's the least we can do," said another organizer. "We are so thankful for the American justice system that gave the defendant due process and rightfully convicted him as guilty. What a great country we live in!"



The country is expected to now join in unity and hold hands in gratefulness-- at least until the latest outrage is broadcast on the evening news.

[cc]

[Anonymous]

I like that site.

[Anonymous]

After Chauvin Verdict, BLM Volunteers To Rebuild Minneapolis, Return All Looted Items

https://babylonbee.com/news/after-chauvin-verdict-blm-volunteers-to-rebuild-minneapolis-return-all-looted-items">https://babylonbee.com/news/after-chauv ... oted-items">https://babylonbee.com/news/after-chauvin-verdict-blm-volunteers-to-rebuild-minneapolis-return-all-looted-items



MINNEAPOLIS, MN—BLM organizers celebrated the verdict of the Chauvin trial this week. In a touching and healing gesture, they have offered to rebuild the wreckage of Minneapolis and return all looted items back to their owners.



"We did what we came to do," said one BLM organizer. "Now we have achieved perfect justice and our work here is completed. We are looking forward to being a part of reconciliation and healing moving forward."



For the next several years, organizers will be donating their time to repair broken windows, restore torched cars, and return costly loot back to their rightful owners.



"It's the least we can do," said another organizer. "We are so thankful for the American justice system that gave the defendant due process and rightfully convicted him as guilty. What a great country we live in!"



The country is expected to now join in unity and hold hands in gratefulness-- at least until the latest outrage is broadcast on the evening news.

Yes, I'm sure they'll rebuild everything they destroyed.