Vow renewal to myself

[Anonymous]

Dear people of the internet,



I hereby declare that on this Sunday, August 17, 2014, I am renewing the vows I made to myself on April 6, 2013.



The vows I made to myself in 2013 were sincere, but I cheated on myself with someone other than myself on August 6, 2013, and as a result of betraying myself, I overate, I gained weight, and I believed myself to be going through some kind of false pregnancy (despite being male).  Today, I can truly say that I am working towards a healthy body weight, and I am ready to be a good husband to myself, for after all, I'm better looking than all my exes.



So, I vow to continue to love myself, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.  I now pronounce myself... still married to myself.  I may once again kiss myself by touching my upper lip to my lower lip.



RDL

[Anonymous]

Dear people of the internet,



I hereby declare that on this Sunday, August 17, 2014, I am renewing the vows I made to myself on April 6, 2013.



The vows I made to myself in 2013 were sincere, but I cheated on myself with someone other than myself on August 6, 2013, and as a result of betraying myself, I overate, I gained weight, and I believed myself to be going through some kind of false pregnancy (despite being male).  Today, I can truly say that I am working towards a healthy body weight, and I am ready to be a good husband to myself, for after all, I'm better looking than all my exes.



So, I vow to continue to love myself, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.  I now pronounce myself... still married to myself.  I may once again kiss myself by touching my upper lip to my lower lip.



RDL