...the prognosis for poofters and perverts may not be as bleak as first reported

[the armchair agnostic]

I see by the flickering light of the forum poutbox that heated discussions regarding the same-sex relations of the usual suspects are underway again... indeed they appear to be in full swing. Kinda like Joe's wedding tackle gets when he's on all fours with Thiel giving it to his dung funnel like crazy. I don't judge, it's just the way the condom dribbles. And as long as it's dribbling somewhere I don't have to personally deal with it, I'm fine.

Apparently it matters enough to "someone" to go off his brain (again) about his sky fairy's petulant decrees about what needs to happen to practicioners of the... noble(?) ...art of buggery. I can well understand why some might be given to concludine he was "touched" and likely inappropriately in his formative years, what with his almost alzheimers-esque tendency to rabbit on in the same vein twenty times a day on the same topic. Again, I don't judge. I know there are people in this world whose attention spans are more akin to that of a potato.

But it did get me to thinking, especially when I read the following exchange...

I respect God because he loves everyone

Sorry, but God HATES faggits and wants em DEAD!

...along with the predictable parade of uncorroborated musings of long dead scribes, yadda yadda. Ho hum. It might be considered a kill shot in fundamentalist circles, but it does rather seem like the mad clashing of a wind-up toy monkey's cymbals when you're into the five thousandth iteration of it. And as unencumbered as I am by superstition and dogma, I tend to stop listening to that crapola.

It occurred to me, what if both quotes were wrong? Assuming I'm prepared to believe that there (a) is a god and (b) he wants his creation to cannibalize itself in the manner allegedly prescribed. Both are pretty big "Ifs" I know, but as an Agnostic, I have the luxury of indulging certain aspects of the fairy tale in order to make some kind of logical headway in any argement. And at least these bible thumping fundamentalists have a text they can point to, which is more than can be said for your run of the mill Atheist. Those poor bastards can't muster up a damn thing to support the case for the non existence of a sky fairy. At least not yet. Maybe they're still working on it.

Anyway, to my original premise; "what if both quotes were wrong"? Slowly, the pieces of the puzzle start to fit together. I can make logical connections and formulate a theory that pretty much satisfies a much different scenario than either of these avowed "NO-HOMO" characters envisaged.

Consider: we are all of us on this rock that we call earth. And the Magic Sky Fairy-man up there wants a few of us dead (for reasons that will become abundantly clear presently). And having put in a solid six day working week aeons ago, the fairy has put his moccasins up on his favorite pouffe and declared it's our job to break the sixth commandment. Only it's different this time because he says its okay, "Rule for thee, not for me" you know. Also "hey you ungrateful bastards, I built this shit here and I'll bloody well fuck it up if I want to. Just ask Noah."

It's worthwhile remembering at this point too that the whole goal of being on this rock is to live a good life and, at the end of said life, you will be presented with Life Eternal. Gold VIP card access at the Pearly Gates or a never ending rock concert and barbecue in the skillet of Hades. I dunno about you, but neither sound particularly appealing to me. I find myself tempted to root for the Atheists in this regard, because as weak as their arguments assuredly are, at least I'll get the luxury of sleeping in forever if they're right. Otherwise I might be finding myself sharing an eternity with people I may not even like.

Fucking Atheists, I swear. They are truly the biggest culprits when it comes to presenting a case based purely on faith. But the sky-fairy devotees aren't lagging far behind, not really. Because they have this book, you see, and it has Words in it. Ancient Words which (and may the Sky Fairy strike me dead as dogshit where I'm standing right now if I am lying) they assure us under threat of an expedited express service to this afterlife of which they speak were uttered by their Holiest of Holy Men.

I wish I was making this shit up, I'd make a fucking mint. Regrettably, it appears someone else beat me to the punch.

So... the words of their holiest of holy poo-bahs... yeah, got that far. I've read several different editions of this Magical Manifesto though, and the one thing that struck me throughout is how different the accounts are. Even within the accounts your ancestors saw fit to not omit from your little leather-bound book of folklore there are innumerable continuity errors and glaring contradictions, beginning in Genesis and grinding through chapter after chapter. And each subsequent edition sees it's principle protagonists prose getting changed here and there. Including on the odd occasion having key parts of their scribe's testimony struck from the public record entirely.

Such as this next piece from the Gospel of Thomas. Curiously absent from the bible, even though it is apparemtly from the carpenter's son himself.

(114)

(1) Simon Peter said to them: "Let Mary go away from us, for women are not worthy of life."
(2) Jesus said: "Look, I will draw her in so as to make her male, so that she too may become a living male spirit, similar to you."
(3) (But I say to you): "Every woman who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of heaven."

LOL, whut?


Interesting. There's a lot to unpack there. Starting with female to male troonies getting automatic admission to the Sky Fairy's Endless Summer Camp! I definitely know I'm in the Wrong Place if I wake up there, what with the overabundance of sweaty hairy man-ass, swaning about in their togas and carrying on like a bunch of fagmosexual extras from the Gay N!ggers From Outer Space set!!! And what about the woman that don't submit to being male? If some queermo and his sidekick are in agreement that women aren't worthy of life, what does that say for women's prospects at Life Eternal? I can only imagine the disappointment and feeling of being cheated when, after living a pious and honest life you are told by some ratbag "Grow a dick, bitch, or we won't let you into the boys club". Fucking outrageous if you ask me.

I could go further, but I think the initial premise that "God loves us all" and "God hates fags" hax been thoroughly debunked. Because God wants mo man-ass in Hebbin and has instructed Lokmar to get as much of it off the street as possible and shuffled into his fruity kingdom among the clouds, the rainbows and... fuck it, probably unicorn farts too for all we know. God isn't fussed about women, but according to Jesus himself he'll let 'em in no questions asked if they slice off their tits and swing a frankencock between their legs. Real fucken jealous and proprietorial of those "men" isn't he? "You come right on in, gurlybois" he'd say, magicking up some sanctified lubricant and viagras for his 12,000 year old toga-maggot while deciding which lucky troon gets pole position on his godly helmet.

Yes folks... that is where this argument leads us. God doesn't hate faggots... God IS a faggot and he wants that man-ass. The deviant deity, working his ass off for six days has finished his rest and is ready for nookie. God is a fag, his son was a fag, his son's mates were fags and he wants all your women to be fags too. And considering how ardently certain people are arguing for the expedition of the process of getting as much man-ass off the planet and onto the celestial market for the Sky Fairy to swing his cock at, I think it safe to say that they are ate the very least allies to the cause, if not screaming homosexuals themselves.

Hypothetically speaking of course. I mean I did have to presume that he existed in the first place and that he wanted us all to function as his unpaid pimps. It is equally as possible that he never existed at all.

There is a third alternative, similarly struck from the public record (and for reasons that must have seemed like a good idea at the time), far more fantastical  and "out there" than anything Thomas had to say. To entertain it at all, you must first be ready to ask yourself this....

"Where did that homo-fag sky fairy come from???"

[DKG]

I see by the flickering light of the forum poutbox that heated discussions regarding the same-sex relations of the usual suspects are underway again... indeed they appear to be in full swing. Kinda like Joe's wedding tackle gets when he's on all fours with Thiel giving it to his dung funnel like crazy. I don't judge, it's just the way the condom dribbles. And as long as it's dribbling somewhere I don't have to personally deal with it, I'm fine.

Apparently it matters enough to "someone" to go off his brain (again) about his sky fairy's petulant decrees about what needs to happen to practicioners of the... noble(?) ...art of buggery. I can well understand why some might be given to concludine he was "touched" and likely inappropriately in his formative years, what with his almost alzheimers-esque tendency to rabbit on in the same vein twenty times a day on the same topic. Again, I don't judge. I know there are people in this world whose attention spans are more akin to that of a potato.

But it did get me to thinking, especially when I read the following exchange...

...along with the predictable parade of uncorroborated musings of long dead scribes, yadda yadda. Ho hum. It might be considered a kill shot in fundamentalist circles, but it does rather seem like the mad clashing of a wind-up toy monkey's cymbals when you're into the five thousandth iteration of it. And as unencumbered as I am by superstition and dogma, I tend to stop listening to that crapola.

It occurred to me, what if both quotes were wrong? Assuming I'm prepared to believe that there (a) is a god and (b) he wants his creation to cannibalize itself in the manner allegedly prescribed. Both are pretty big "Ifs" I know, but as an Agnostic, I have the luxury of indulging certain aspects of the fairy tale in order to make some kind of logical headway in any argement. And at least these bible thumping fundamentalists have a text they can point to, which is more than can be said for your run of the mill Atheist. Those poor bastards can't muster up a damn thing to support the case for the non existence of a sky fairy. At least not yet. Maybe they're still working on it.

Anyway, to my original premise; "what if both quotes were wrong"? Slowly, the pieces of the puzzle start to fit together. I can make logical connections and formulate a theory that pretty much satisfies a much different scenario than either of these avowed "NO-HOMO" characters envisaged.

Consider: we are all of us on this rock that we call earth. And the Magic Sky Fairy-man up there wants a few of us dead (for reasons that will become abundantly clear presently). And having put in a solid six day working week aeons ago, the fairy has put his moccasins up on his favorite pouffe and declared it's our job to break the sixth commandment. Only it's different this time because he says its okay, "Rule for thee, not for me" you know. Also "hey you ungrateful bastards, I built this shit here and I'll bloody well fuck it up if I want to. Just ask Noah."

It's worthwhile remembering at this point too that the whole goal of being on this rock is to live a good life and, at the end of said life, you will be presented with Life Eternal. Gold VIP card access at the Pearly Gates or a never ending rock concert and barbecue in the skillet of Hades. I dunno about you, but neither sound particularly appealing to me. I find myself tempted to root for the Atheists in this regard, because as weak as their arguments assuredly are, at least I'll get the luxury of sleeping in forever if they're right. Otherwise I might be finding myself sharing an eternity with people I may not even like.

Fucking Atheists, I swear. They are truly the biggest culprits when it comes to presenting a case based purely on faith. But the sky-fairy devotees aren't lagging far behind, not really. Because they have this book, you see, and it has Words in it. Ancient Words which (and may the Sky Fairy strike me dead as dogshit where I'm standing right now if I am lying) they assure us under threat of an expedited express service to this afterlife of which they speak were uttered by their Holiest of Holy Men.

I wish I was making this shit up, I'd make a fucking mint. Regrettably, it appears someone else beat me to the punch.

So... the words of their holiest of holy poo-bahs... yeah, got that far. I've read several different editions of this Magical Manifesto though, and the one thing that struck me throughout is how different the accounts are. Even within the accounts your ancestors saw fit to not omit from your little leather-bound book of folklore there are innumerable continuity errors and glaring contradictions, beginning in Genesis and grinding through chapter after chapter. And each subsequent edition sees it's principle protagonists prose getting changed here and there. Including on the odd occasion having key parts of their scribe's testimony struck from the public record entirely.

Such as this next piece from the Gospel of Thomas. Curiously absent from the bible, even though it is apparemtly from the carpenter's son himself.

 

LOL, whut?


Interesting. There's a lot to unpack there. Starting with female to male troonies getting automatic admission to the Sky Fairy's Endless Summer Camp! I definitely know I'm in the Wrong Place if I wake up there, what with the overabundance of sweaty hairy man-ass, swaning about in their togas and carrying on like a bunch of fagmosexual extras from the Gay N!ggers From Outer Space set!!! And what about the woman that don't submit to being male? If some queermo and his sidekick are in agreement that women aren't worthy of life, what does that say for women's prospects at Life Eternal? I can only imagine the disappointment and feeling of being cheated when, after living a pious and honest life you are told by some ratbag "Grow a dick, bitch, or we won't let you into the boys club". Fucking outrageous if you ask me.

I could go further, but I think the initial premise that "God loves us all" and "God hates fags" hax been thoroughly debunked. Because God wants mo man-ass in Hebbin and has instructed Lokmar to get as much of it off the street as possible and shuffled into his fruity kingdom among the clouds, the rainbows and... fuck it, probably unicorn farts too for all we know. God isn't fussed about women, but according to Jesus himself he'll let 'em in no questions asked if they slice off their tits and swing a frankencock between their legs. Real fucken jealous and proprietorial of those "men" isn't he? "You come right on in, gurlybois" he'd say, magicking up some sanctified lubricant and viagras for his 12,000 year old toga-maggot while deciding which lucky troon gets pole position on his godly helmet.

Yes folks... that is where this argument leads us. God doesn't hate faggots... God IS a faggot and he wants that man-ass. The deviant deity, working his ass off for six days has finished his rest and is ready for nookie. God is a fag, his son was a fag, his son's mates were fags and he wants all your women to be fags too. And considering how ardently certain people are arguing for the expedition of the process of getting as much man-ass off the planet and onto the celestial market for the Sky Fairy to swing his cock at, I think it safe to say that they are ate the very least allies to the cause, if not screaming homosexuals themselves.

Hypothetically speaking of course. I mean I did have to presume that he existed in the first place and that he wanted us all to function as his unpaid pimps. It is equally as possible that he never existed at all.

There is a third alternative, similarly struck from the public record (and for reasons that must have seemed like a good idea at the time), far more fantastical  and "out there" than anything Thomas had to say. To entertain it at all, you must first be ready to ask yourself this....

"Where did that homo-fag sky fairy come from???"

I am having trouble approving this.

[DKG]

It was a new topic. I had to click on topic first.

[the armchair agnostic]

I doubt the effort was worth it really. Yours or mine. But thanks.


Cue the outrage from the fundamentalist christian right.

[caskur]

It was a new topic. I had to click on topic first.

just another blowhard spending his last days blowing raspberries at God.

[the armchair agnostic]

just another blowhard spending his last days blowing raspberries at God.

Ohh, hi Caskie. I just got back from watching you getting slaughtere in the gossip thread.

So... when are you getting the dick transplant so you can get into heaven and cavort about with "God" and all the other demons with the rest of the troonies?

[the armchair agnostic]

Sorry, I didn't catch your answer, sweetie. Is the surgery happening before or after your eighth 100% safe and effective experimental gene modifying booster shot?

And while we're on the topic, what is your stance on the Jay-Dubs relaxing of their previous hardline "no" to vaccines circa 1952? Did the Magical Sky Fairy change his mind on the subject, or was it just one of those pesky revisions to biblical folklore that I alluded to in the OP?

Inquiring minds and all. See, I'm inclined to think you haven't thought any of this through at all, and I am absolutely certain that your silence on the matter will speak even more eloquently of you ignorance than 20 pages of you digging your heels in and making an ass of yourself with your denials.

Like presenting your "informative" paid-for commentary, then admitting your desire to remain willfully ignorant of further education by not paying any attention to other people's.

[Oliver the Second]

Sorry, but God HATES faggits and wants em DEAD!

Gee I wonder who wrote that 

[the armchair agnostic]

"Mostly harmless" I imagine.

[smartass]

you never read peoples posts properly.... you just go along with the other dopes. The trials were not rushed at all so one day when you have time read my posts because my  posts are informed and 100% correct.

Meanwhile...

...the discovery of increasingly alarming side effects come to light as testing continues at a snails pace just as the forum Karen said.


Of course, it's customary to do all the testing before releasing it to the public, but let's not allow such a minor detail to get in the way of The Science, yes?

[DKG]

just another blowhard spending his last days blowing raspberries at God.

He is allowed to post an opinion just like everybody else.

[caskur]

He is allowed to post an opinion just like everybody else.

And where may I ask did I say he wasn't?

[smartass]

He is allowed to post an opinion just like everybody else.

I especially enjoy posting my opinions when they float to the top of the colostemy of "approved opinion" to reveal themselves as the veritable diamonds I suspected to be back when I made them.