QuoteStudy: COVID-19 Impacts Men, Women More Than All Other Genders Combined

March 26th, 2020



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BALTIMORE, MD—A new study by Johns Hopkins University found that the novel coronavirus is impacting men and women more than all the other genders combined.



According to the study, 100% of coronavirus cases have affected men and women and not a single other gender.



"It's incredible - we've found this virus is far more likely to affect biological males and biological females than any other biological gender," said Head of Gender Research Dr. Benji Charmin. "We thought the data had to be flawed, but we checked again and again, and sure enough, this thing is aggressively going after men and women and ignoring the other genders entirely."



He shrugged. "It's just science."



Progressives quickly applauded the virus for not attacking any of the other genders and only focusing on traditional, outdated, binary genders.



"Finally, a virus that ignores the demiboys, dragonkin, and those who identify as tater tots," said one activist in Portland. "It's about time the tables were turned. Thanks, COVID-19!" He then headed over to his local Communist cafe to lick a doorknob -- "just my little way of showing my gratitude."