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Forum gossip thread
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Last post: December 26, 2024, 03:58:52 PM
Re: Forum gossip thread by Renegade Quark
Laughter Lounge
Started by @realAzhyaAryola, March 17, 2015, 07:32:25 PM
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@realAzhyaAryola
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Who on earth dreams these up?
Why, a lexophile of course!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Don't worry about old age; it won't last.
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"It's come to this," he says as he casually rescues 14 endangered whales with his bare hands.
Suzuki says he hopes all Canadians will follow his example in the weeks to come. He adds that the Swingline 415 Heavy Duty stapler, available at most Office Depot locations, is the most effective choice for those looking to perform the procedure successfully.
"I will now be sucking up half the oxygen, and expelling half the carbon dioxide into the atmosphere as I was before," Suzuki proudly explains as he stands on the edge of the Amazon rainforest holding an enormous medieval shield, ready to defend the fragile jungle at any moment.
Suzuki admits that in the few short hours he's been living with a stapled nostril, he's already encountered some minor complications. "It's harder to smell my delicious tofu scrambles in the morning," he sighs. "Then again, it's also harder to smell my 56 different compost heaps!" He laughs for 25 minutes straight, joyfully nursing an infant leopard back to health with a baby bottle of milk, a little patience, and a whole lot of love.
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