So... I know this going to send Semen-Manger bat shit fruit loopy....

[Anonymous]

I must remember that the next time I'm attempting to make custard and it comes out lumpy.

It's probably all in the angle and stroke. I'm sure you'll get it right one day....  ac_biggrin

[Frood]

ac_toofunny

[Dove]

The thought of giving birth through ones dick... the pain would be unbearable, but worth it when it came to firing the newborn and its attendant afterbirth out the ole spunk cannon.



Firen torpedo!

 The pain is unbearable even doing it through a vagina.



 The first time I did it I had a shitty doctor I never met (mine took a vacation last minute....nice eh?) and I didnt get the epidural I wanted.  I was already terrified of birth during my entire pregnancy because women LOVE telling birth horror stories to first time moms. Had I known ahead of time it was gonna go down like it did I would have just stayed home.



 So they cut your perineum during birth so you dont tear and as I pushing (with no epidural so I felt everything) I asked to PLEASE numb me before cutting. She looked at me like I was huge pain the ass and said "this is your first baby, so this is gonna take a while. So just keep pushing"



 Welp that next push was the birth push so this stupid fucking cunt of a "doctor" panicked and sliced into me TWICE. I screamed and husband turned sheet white but at that point my daughter was born so we didnt dwell on.



 Next day I found out I was the talk of the maternity floor because of my episiotomy stitches. I was 1 stitch away from requiring a surgeon.



 They told me not to look at it. So of course I did. It didnt even look like a vagina. It looked like bruised hamburger with black fishing line sticking out of it. I thought there was no possible way that gonna ever go back to normal but somehow it did. Womens bodies are amazing.



  It was considered a "birth injury" so all my births after my doctor was awesome.  The pain of the entire experince changed my whole world view.



 Watching troons talk about having periods and giving birth is so revolting and infuriating but I really think if they had to live in a real womans body for 90 days it would cure their gross fetish they have.



 And if they want to know what birth feels like they can bang their dicks with a mallet for 8 hours because that's probably the equivalent. Have fun waddling around with severe cramping, and giant mesh underwear filled with rubber gloves filled with ice, tucks pads and giant diaper sized pads.



 To respond to the OP.....I once had a dream that my husband was pregnant and it wasnt mine. It was actually another guy.  I was so disturbed by it I still havent told him and it's been a few years LOL

[Dove]

One thing does occur to me though... would you lactate something manly? Beer, bourbon... that sort of thing?

In this circumstance, possibly on martini's, chilled wines, and fruity lexia's... dunno.



I'm still early and in my dream sequences..

  I always craved beer and martinis. What I settled for was sucking the pickle juice out of those bagged pickles from the gas station.



 And then I'd follow it up with entire role of mint flavored rol iads.

[Frood]

In this circumstance, possibly on martini's, chilled wines, and fruity lexia's... dunno.



I'm still early and in my dream sequences..

  I always craved beer and martinis. What I settled for was sucking the pickle juice out of those bagged pickles from the gas station.

.

 And then I'd follow it up with entire role of mint flavored rol iads.

I feel like we're well on our way to connecting as expectant "persons" with each other in an expectant prenatal parent's group.



We could do each other's hair if I was in another such dream state

[Dove]

  I always craved beer and martinis. What I settled for was sucking the pickle juice out of those bagged pickles from the gas station.

.

 And then I'd follow it up with entire role of mint flavored rol iads.

I feel like we're well on our way to connecting as expectant "persons" with each other in an expectant prenatal parent's group.



We could do each other's hair if I was in another such dream state

 I could be your man dula  ac_wub

[Frood]

I feel like we're well on our way to connecting as expectant "persons" with each other in an expectant prenatal parent's group.



We could do each other's hair if I was in another such dream state

 I could be your man dula  ac_wub

I can only plait and tie pony tails but I make a stellar cup of tea...

[Dove]

 I could be your man dula  ac_wub

I can only plait and tie pony tails but I make a stellar cup of tea...

  I didnt say anything but last year we had a very worrisome period where we were concerned the vasectomy failed. Which happens more often than youd realize.



 Turns out I was just stressed. Thank God. Because if I got pregnant again now I'd freak out and probably stay freaked out until death lol.

[Frood]

I can only plait and tie pony tails but I make a stellar cup of tea...

  I didnt say anything but last year we had a very worrisome period where we were concerned the vasectomy failed. Which happens more often than youd realize.



 Turns out I was just stressed. Thank God. Because if I got pregnant again now I'd freak out and probably stay freaked out until death lol.

Ahh man. If you got preggers now, you'd be Oak sized in less than 5 years...  

[Dove]

  I didnt say anything but last year we had a very worrisome period where we were concerned the vasectomy failed. Which happens more often than youd realize.



 Turns out I was just stressed. Thank God. Because if I got pregnant again now I'd freak out and probably stay freaked out until death lol.

Ahh man. If you got preggers now, you'd be Oak sized in less than 5 years...  

 Never. I'd never let that happen lol.



 It would be a fight though  

[Frood]

Ahh man. If you got preggers now, you'd be Oak sized in less than 5 years...  

 Never. I'd never let that happen lol.



 It would be a fight though  

I'd have to paste cut outs of Fat Oak inside LED illuminated sunglasses and wear them while sleeping if I was a momma dadda expecting father to be... or I might consume an entire Little Caesar's.... cartons, kids, and shop fittings and all.

[Shen Li]

Have you meanies been picking on Seamidget again?

[Dove]

 Never. I'd never let that happen lol.



 It would be a fight though  

I'd have to paste cut outs of Fat Oak inside LED illuminated sunglasses and wear them while sleeping if I was a momma dadda expecting father to be... or I might consume an entire Little Caesar's.... cartons, kids, and shop fittings and all.

 The only time in pregnancy where you can eat like a dump truck is like...22 to 30 weeks.



 In the beginning you puke constantly. At least I did. Everything...and I mean everything...smelled like arm pit to me.  Fabric fucked me up. Everything stunk.  It would be fresh from the wash and I swear to god I smelled dust mite farts.  My husband and I are weird and sensitive about smells as it is. A mouse farts at midnight and we are up trying to find what stinks "before it gets worse"...and even he thought I was crazy.



 I would DIE for food, the minute the smell hit me i was puking.



 At the end you are just nonstop miserable and have no room. You cant eat. You cant sleep. You cant stand or sit or do anything comfortably. Its just 8 to 10 weeks but it feels like years. All I did at the end was get in and out of the bath tub and bounced on a yoga ball. And whine for milkshakes.

[Frood]

I'd have to paste cut outs of Fat Oak inside LED illuminated sunglasses and wear them while sleeping if I was a momma dadda expecting father to be... or I might consume an entire Little Caesar's.... cartons, kids, and shop fittings and all.

 The only time in pregnancy where you can eat like a dump truck is like...22 to 30 weeks.



 In the beginning you puke constantly. At least I did. Everything...and I mean everything...smelled like arm pit to me.  Fabric fucked me up. Everything stunk.  It would be fresh from the wash and I swear to god I smelled dust mite farts.



 I would DIE for food, the minute the smell hit me i was puking.



 At the end you are just nonstop miserable and have no room. You can eat. You cant sleep. You cant stand or sit or do anything comfortably. Its just 8 to 10 weeks but it feels like years. All I did at the end was get in and out of the bath tub and bounced on a yoga ball. And whine for milkshakes.

I do those things anyway.



This phantom dream state reverse insemination should be a walk in the park!

[Dove]

 The only time in pregnancy where you can eat like a dump truck is like...22 to 30 weeks.



 In the beginning you puke constantly. At least I did. Everything...and I mean everything...smelled like arm pit to me.  Fabric fucked me up. Everything stunk.  It would be fresh from the wash and I swear to god I smelled dust mite farts.



 I would DIE for food, the minute the smell hit me i was puking.



 At the end you are just nonstop miserable and have no room. You can eat. You cant sleep. You cant stand or sit or do anything comfortably. Its just 8 to 10 weeks but it feels like years. All I did at the end was get in and out of the bath tub and bounced on a yoga ball. And whine for milkshakes.

I do those things anyway.



This phantom dream state reverse insemination should be a walk in the park!