Sapiosexual is the latest ‘it’ word on dating sites

[Anonymous]

'Sapiosexual' is defined as an attraction to intelligence or emotional maturity, although some have called the term pretentious.



According to his Tinder profile, Liam Nelson, 26, likes good music and good food. He dislikes bad music and bad food. He also considers himself sapiosexual.



To Nelson, who is straight and works as a recruiter in Toronto, this means not necessarily a woman's IQ but her emotional maturity and open-mindedness. He knows it's entirely subjective.



"Sapiosexual" refers to those who are "sexually attracted to highly intelligent people," according to Merriam-Webster. Derived from the Latin for wise, sapiosexuality is technically genderless and has been adopted by straight and non-straight people alike.



While the concept of sapiosexuality isn't new, it's become a common declaration on dating apps, alongside a user's height and assurances that, no, the baby in the photo is not their own.



Because it's 2017, there is, of course, an app for this. Sapio, designed for those "sick of superficial hookup apps," officially launched this year and claims to have signed up 50,000 new users in the last month, mostly in North America.



"Sapiosexual" was defined as early as 2004 on Urban Dictionary as "one who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature."



The definition has been updated several times in the last few years to take on a more cynical tone appropriate for the digital age. From 2015: "Something you put on your dating profile if you want to be pretentious."



From 2016: "For many, defining oneself as sapiosexual is also a statement against the current status quo of hookup culture and superficiality, where looks are prized above all else."



Whether sapiosexuality is indeed a true orientation, a preference or just a new way to brag remains to be seen. Some critics say sapiosexuality is ableist and possibly discriminatory, since intelligence comes in many forms.



Lindsay Gonder, 33, says she always swipes left on — ignores — self-proclaimed sapiosexuals. She started seeing the label on Tinder a year ago and doesn't like what it implies: the pressure to perform "being smart" in order to appear attractive to someone else.



"You want my body and now you want my mind, too?" says Gonder, who works at a Toronto university and is straight.



She also rejects the idea that intelligence and sex are mutually exclusive.



"I can be intelligent and just want to hook up, and it's my decision," Gonder says. "Relationships and dating are fluid."



Intelligence is an increasingly desirable trait in a partner, according to what's known as the American mate selection survey. Various researchers have used the questionnaire once a decade since the 1930s.



The most recent analysis, published in 2015 in the Journal of Family Issues, found men ranked "education and intelligence" fourth, up from 11th in 1939. Women ranked intelligence fifth, up from ninth 80 years ago. (Both sexes have ranked mutual love and attraction first since the 1980s.)



And self-described sapiosexuals who spoke to the Star said the attraction was less about having an advanced degree than about someone's perspective or curiosity about the world.



Of course, there's a difference between finding something attractive and defining a sexual orientation by it.



"Having sapiosexuality as an orientation was a choice to improve the user experience, not a lofty declaration of what we recognize as 'official' orientations," says Bernadette Libonate, director of brand partnerships for dating website and app, OkCupid, which since 2014 has allowed users to add sapiosexual to other orientations such as gay, straight, pansexual, heteroflexible and others.



Research shows it takes about seven seconds to size someone up as a potential partner, says Toronto therapist and relationship expert Kimberly Moffit. That doesn't leave much time to move beyond appearances, which is why using "sapiosexual" could just be a way to filter out unlikely candidates.



"You still might have to go on 50 dates to find someone you're attracted to, but once you do, you might find you have those core values in line with the other person," Moffit says.



Adam Shalaby included sapiosexuality on his OkCupid profile alongside his age, 39, and his hobbies: making his own sourdough, attending art openings, taking photos with a fisheye lens and conceptual Halloween costumes.



Shalaby, a teacher in Toronto, says his intention is to let potential matches know "I'm interested in someone who takes an interest in learning and understanding ideas, exploring ideas, exploring different types of thought."



"There are plenty of ways to learn and be educated. I've met plenty of people who don't have formal education who are incredibly well read. It's not a prerequisite, having a piece of paper or going to an institution."



Decades of research has shown that couples tend to be similar in a variety of ways, including age, social attitudes, intelligence, attractiveness, education, race, ethnicity, political attitudes, mental health, even height. This is called assortative mating and likely has both a genetic and social component, though the actual mechanism is still unclear.



In fact, a 2015 paper from the U.S. National Bureau of Economic Research found that husband-and-wife couples were more likely in 2005 than 1960 to have similar levels of education.



At New Jersey-based Monmouth University, psychology professor Gary Lewandowski recently conducted a survey of 800 Americans, asking what level of intelligence was most desirable in a partner.



Most (51 per cent) wanted a partner to be equally as smart. A smaller group (39 per cent) wanted someone even smarter. Just a tiny proportion (3 per cent) wanted someone less smart than them.



https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/03/28/sapiosexual-is-the-latest-it-word-on-dating-sites.html">https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/03/28 ... sites.html">https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/03/28/sapiosexual-is-the-latest-it-word-on-dating-sites.html

[Anonymous]

All of this makes so thankful I am not in the dating scene.

[Anonymous]

All of this makes so thankful I am not in the dating scene.

Me too iron horse jockey.

[Odinson]

What does it matter how intelligent the tinder woman is..



Hot woman is a hot woman..

[Anonymous]

It's just a word to distinguish between people who only want hook ups.

[Anonymous]

It's just a word to distinguish between people who only want hook ups.

Perhaps the people who use that word would be more happy on e-Harmony.

 

[GORDY GAMBINO]

Do ya take it up the ass baby ??



My best chat up line ^

[Anonymous]

So, I take it you are not looking for a sapiosexual GORDY?

[GORDY GAMBINO]

A mincer from Toronto nah honey I'll take an Asian chick.

[Anonymous]

A mincer from Toronto nah honey I'll take an Asian guy.

You got one sweetie. ac_wub

[RW]

:MG_216:

[GORDY GAMBINO]

A mincer from Toronto nah honey I'll take an Asian guy.

You got one sweetie. ac_wub

Im gonna ram ya fucken head in a vice and pop out ya gook eyes motherfucker

[Renee]

So, I take it you are not looking for a sapiosexual GORDY?

That's irrelevant....Gordy is looking for anything with a hole in it.

[GORDY GAMBINO]

So, I take it you are not looking for a sapiosexual GORDY?

That's irrelevant....Gordy is looking for anything with a hole in it.

no fatties fat fuck

[Renee]

A mincer from Toronto nah honey I'll take an Asian guy.

You got one sweetie. ac_wub

Im gonna ram ya fucken head in a vice and pop out ya gook eyes motherfucker

Back so soon?.......When's your next tantrum taking place and is there anything I can do in helping it along? Remember, I'm just here to help..... ac_biggrin



So does Seoulbro's amorous intent bring back bad memories of your days in prison? Is that why you're so threatened by it?