I'm the first target. Be creative.
Quote from: Renegade Quark on January 01, 2025, 11:18:49 PMI'm the first target. Be creative.
Who are you again? :pardon:
I'd like to sit on his face.
Wears her fart on her sleeve.
Sharts himself at least once week.
His mother dresses him everyday.
Plays with choo choo trains.
Bobs for apples in outhouses.
Has a face for radio.
Eats while shitting.
eats shit
Thinks ham radio is when he leaves the boom box on in his barn.
On Halloween trick or treaters give him candy.
Paid for his mail-order bride with two bits and a cotton bag of black licorice straps.
Should consider swapping his Chapstick for a glue stick.
So ugly he has to tie a porkchop around his neck to get the dog to play with him.
Ground squirrels use his testicles for speed bag training.
Goes by they/them pronouns.
Has a one owner Model T.
Any similarity between him and human is purely coincidental.
Lost his virginity at a truck stop to Johnny Cash.
They wouldn't take a cheque.
If I gave him a penny for his thoughts, I'd get change back.
She aint completely useless. She can be used as a bad example.
The last time I saw something that looked like him, I flushed.
Voted for Joe Biden in 2024.
Makes sun dried jerky out of kangaroo road kill.
Went on a date with a New Zeland female. Wore gumboots and mint sauce for cologne.
He is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
He's the reason tubes of toothpaste have instructions.
She aint a drama queen. She is whole frickin royal family.
Herman and Shen Li wear the same size underwear briefs.
Livestock rapist.
Rapist's livestock...
Responsible for 80% of all Sasquatch's incidents in Australia
Secretly lusts after Justin Bieber.
Thought that dixie cups were bra's for small chested southern girls.
I don't know how a person can participate in this thread if you do not know anything about the poster being insulted. I assume we can just hurl accusations blindly?
Makes fun of the blind.
Monday is his favourite day of the week.
This is even worse than the "what are you eating and what are you doing" threads.
killjoy
If you were any more inbred, you'd be a sandwich.
Has braided armpits.
Waxes his armpits.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Oxygen thief.
Sits down to pee in outer orbit.
Is a fan of "The View".
Wears bib overalls to funerals.
Takes up two seats when flying.
Swallows his fart bubbles in the bath tub.
Is conceited although he has never had a reason to be.
Amen.
Considers the cheese in a mousetrap to be a food source.
Thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus.
Gong farmer
Has so many gaps in his teeth it looks like his tongue is in jail.
Moved to Singapore to be a catwalk model.
She loves her new job as a kitchen porter.
Has the face only a mother could love...on payday.
His native american name is "Douche Canoe Paddled by Braves"
Is a card-carrying Swiftie.
Considers Trudeau a statesman.
Wears a flea collar.
Paid a labradoodle in Schmackos to hump his ankle.
Has a prehensile tail.
Dries his boogers in a jar to shake on his spaghetti.
Walked into a tattoo parlor and walked out later sporting a large Justin Bieber tramp stamp.
Amen.
Visited Disney world; gave Goofy a hand job in the food court.
Founder and President of the International Turds of Misery Fan Club. Doubled the membership this year when he gave Joe Biden a free membership.
Amen.
Peewee Herman is his spirit animal
Uses chopsticks to eat soup.
Someday you'll go far. I hope you stay there.
If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart.
Watched the movie "The Peanut Butter Solution; gave his dog a beard.
Speakjng of peanut butter, he recently arrived at the ER for treatment of what appeared to be numerous dog bites to his genitals. When asked to explain the peanut butter smeared on his junk, he claimed someone must've slipped some rope in his drink, so he couldn't remember a thing:
Amen.
Stupidity isn't a crime, so you're free to go.
One of Brent's most enjoyable pastimes is driving down the highway and "singing" along to Lisa the Chicken Fiddler:
Anal spelunker
Don't you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
Wears braces on his dentures.
Wears a brassiere. Claims it gives him more empathy for the opposite sex.
Amen.
If you're going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
Thinks hippos are sexy.
Got teabagged by Michelle Obama at a Tupperware party.
Spoons with fat Oak.
Gravity and age have wreaked havoc on his bean bag. Whenever he sits on the shitter, it feels like he's dippin' a teabag.
Amen.
Masturbates with his mother's wild yam cream.
Is an STD clearinghouse.
Thinks potato pancakes are flattened french fries.
Mouth-breather
Fellates dolphins.
Conceived in a massage parlor.
Grew a moustache so he can look just like his momma.
Saves his ear wax to make candles.
Went to Burning Man.
Showed his genitals at the ticket gate.
Is still double masking.
Lost his virginity to the smells of Brut, Beard Oil, and Vicks Vapor Rub.
Is now homeless and destitute, having squandered all his money buying farts in jars:
Amen.
His ass is jealous of all the shit that comes out of his mouth.
Drinks goat semen because he thinks its an aphrodisiac.
Blames the Cali fires on climate change.
Is pen pals with Greta Thunburg.
Masturbates to the results with a jar of vegemite and a wire brush.++
Thinks Gherkin's are made from incest and that makes them extra tasty.
Voted for Kamala because she gives him chub.
Dressed up as Jason Biggs for Halloween and got mistaken for Ernest P Worrell.
His guiltiest pleasure in life is suckin' on his binky when he thinks nobody is around.
Amen.
Makes fun of contortionists because he jelly...
Is furious that The Protection of Women and Girls in Sports Act has effectively ended his hopes of winning an Olympics medal in women's 100 metre swimming.
Gets his best aerobics workout from internet porn.
When he was a kid his mom dropped him off at school and got a ticket for littering.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; you, whenever you go.
Is so ugly it hurts my feelings.
Said he couldn't bear fools. Apparently his mother could.
When she jogs along the beach her cankles rubbing make whales beach themselves.
Eats so much Oreos that his teeth have become dark brown.
If you gave him an enema you could stick him in a matchbox.
Has Van Gogh's ear for music.
The #1 item on her bucket list is to be the singer and dancer in a Jardiance TV commercial.
Amen.
Spreads mayo on white bread and calls it caviar.
His idea of culture is watching old episodes of Duck Dynasty.
Those jeans do, in fact, make her ass look fat.
Went down on a raccoon for a half chewed packet of hotdogs.
Identifies as a female every Tuesday in time for Ladies Night half-price drinks at Darrel's Watering Hole & Snooker Palace.
Amen.
Buys Frood drinks every Tuesday night when Frood is in drag at Darrel's Watering Hole and Snooker Palace.
Is real estate for scabies.
His wife speaks 10 languages, but can't say no, I'm married in any of them.
Calls her local Chinese restaurant and orders a large cream of sum yung gai.
Cruises highway rest stops in rainbow coloured hospital scrubs.
Stands at street corners with a sign that says 'Will lick toilets clean for Taco Bell'.
Went into convulsions,threw up, and died at a Tupperware party. Coroner listed the cause of death as "coffee enema".
Attracts flies.
To-date has been banned from 13 Walmart stores for taking motorized shopping carts for joyrides up and down the aisles while loudly wet-farting and "singing" Born To Be Wild.
Amen.
Trims his toenails once a year with his teeth.
Has halitosis so bad that wallpaper can be peeled by just one breath.
Amateur proctologist.
His idea of butt dialing needs an XL rubber and a phone set to vibrate.
Sued his insurance company, claiming its denial of coverage for his weekly "milking-the-prostate therapy" is in bad faith and injurious to his good health. Is attempting to subpoena Seann William Scott to testify on his behalf, despite Scott's protective order against him for stalking.
Amen.
If he was a muskrat, he would chew off three of his legs and still have one caught in the trap.
If he was a Thanksgiving Day turkey, he'd get half baked then proceed to five finger his stuffing out of his own cloaca.
His version of surf and turf is fish sticks with Spam.
Masturbates to Herman's "Dayum" thread.
Has a thing for my Coloured gals that I post.
Steam comes up from between his sheets in the wintertime like it comes off of a manure pit.
Dogs won't hump his leg because there are some things even a dog won't do.
Amen.
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts - for support rather than illumination.
Uses they/them pronouns.
Watched "The Animal", got beaver milk confused with badger milk and went down on a crack whore.
Wears a tie while golfing.
Got banned from the mic on karaoke night at Darrel's Watering Hole and Snooker Palace. Darrel said his "singing" was bad for business.
Amen.
Tried to take heroin once, but he couldn't get the spoon through his skin.
His favorite pastime is taking duck lip selfies.
Amen.
Is A-OK with AOC.
Nancy Pelosi's drinking buddy.
Is Nancy Pelosi's drinking diaper.
Relieved of his position manning the Salvation Army red kettle at the local Walmart in response to a deluge of citizen complaints. When he demanded an explanation, his supervisor replied that twerking and hands-free bell ringing was "entirely unacceptable." Stormed out of the office screaming "I'm calling the ACLU!"
Amen.
Drives a rusted out Mazda Miata with a bumper sticker that says 'I ❤️ flea markets'.
Put his brain on the edge of a razor blade and it would be like a BB on a six-lane highway.
Spanks to Bryan Adams.
Lets Brian Adams spank him.
Pours lighter fluid onto ice cream and calls it baked Alaska.
Has a recurring nightly dream of motorboating the Pelosi fun bags.
(https://thebluecashew.net/gallery/3679_02_02_25_3_09_01.jpeg)
Amen.
Volunteered to be the guy responsible for changing Mitch McConnell's diapers.
Yo Mama's had the clap so many times, her doctor treats her for applause.
Amen.
Mixes vodka and brake fluid and calls it a maitai.
Thought miser.
Wears scuba gear while showering.
Being quite the frugalist, enjoys re-chewing chewing gum he harvests from underneath countertops, tables and chairs.
Amen.
Makes chili with hamburger helper and taco bell sauces.
Looks down his nose at fine redneck chili.
Gets distracted watching cows walk away.
Calls my curvy coloured gals cows.
Refers to Applebee's as fine dining.
Harvests Applbee's dumpster leftovers to sell in his push cart on Saturdays.
Herman dresses him like a beardless chug and bends him over to sate his desires.
Has a beer belly so huge that people think she's 7 months pregnant.
Thinks Eddie the Chug is Edith the Squaw.
Herman is still searching for a lawyer to help him sue Kim Jong-un for stealing his hair style.
(https://thebluecashew.net/gallery/3679_06_02_25_4_27_46.jpeg)
Amen.
Wears suspenders for his underwear.
His best quality is that he's biodegradable.
Inspired by Newbomb Turk's classic rendition of Volare, is in the recording studio working on fart covers of Michael Jackson's greatest hits.
Amen.
Splashes vinegar that has been sitting in the sun on his face every morning and calls it Old Spice.
Has his morning poo BEFORE he gets out of bed.
His insult about Prof's bed poos is an eye witness account.
Amen.
Posts YouTube videos of his feather boa collection.
Qualified for the Special Olympics.
Failed the qualification for the Special Olympics.
His first celebrity crush was Miss Piggy. :pardon:
His sock puppets are always sticky.
Called 911 to report that he was masturbating too much.
911 responded "Sir, that isn't really a problem.
Reggie yelled to his Mom, "did you hear that. It's not really a problem.
Told the judge she was innocent and that the gravestones at her pet cemetery were recipe cards because they all said Roast in Piece.
Mixes raisins with motor oil and calls it cherries jubilee.
Ever the frugalist, swallows coffee beans and makes his own home-pooped Kopi Luwak.
Amen.
There's somebody out there for everybody. For you, it's a psychiatrist.
Took the driving test 35 times before she finally passed it.
Mirrors can't talk. Lucky for you, they can't laugh, either.
Enjoyed the Super Bowl LIX halftime show.
Amen.
Drank Bud Light during Super Bowl because Dylan Mulvaney endorsed it.
Dylan Mulvaney got a protective order against him for stalking.
Amen.
Impregnated Dylan Mulvaney's mouth.
They named it Bob Low Dylan.
Works out with Dylan every day to get in shape:
Amen.
Old J E B Stuart walks into a bar and says bartender, give me a Bud Light.
Bartender asks, Do you want a bottle?
J E B Stuart replies no thanks, I'll take it in the can.
His scrotum is twice as long as his dick.
He's not Roman Catholic, but every night he celebrates PALM Sunday.
Has breath that could knock a buzzard off of a manure spreader.
Wishes he was ambidextrous as he's always fantasized about having a ménage à trois.
Amen.
Made his dog eat Skittles so he could taste the rainbow.
The dingos wouldn't take his baby/.
Reggie has a masturbation addiction. But, he's beating it.
Farts in the bath tub for the free bubble tea.
Gave his son a sex talk about maturbation. It could have been awkward, but he handled it well.
Accidentally fell out of plane.
Used her panties to safely land.
Volunteer bathroom attendant.
Isn't gay, but twenty dollars is twenty dollars.
Amen.
Mixes corn flakes with bleach and calls it the breakfast of champions.
Lost his virginity with a vacuum cleaner.
Lost his virginity at the donkey festival in San Antero, Colombia:
Amen.
Thinks that the four basic food groups are beer, wine, hard liquor, and that stuff that goes inside Twinkies.
Gets lobotomies like others take periodic enemas and for the same reason.
If he was anymore inbred he would be a sandwich.
Looks like an angry racist lobster after a thimble full of barrel wash but to be fair, she's got a lot of crabs.
There's no "I" in team, but there's a "U" in useless!
At a wet t-shirt contest at a local mall somebody yelled "release the girls!" at her...
...she freed the puppies in her shopping trolley.
Thinks pro wrestling is real.
Heard that sentient observations of quantum events alters the results so attended a demonstration of the double slit experiment but when it was their turn to make the observation nothing at all changed.
Is hittin' the Sterno again.
Amen.
Goes liquor shopping at a reservation True Value Co-Op.
Hires models to scam his OnlyFeets subscribers.
Can't afford dreamcatchers; braids his nipple hairs instead.
Goes binge drinking on Kool Aid mixed with cough syrup.
Saving his aluminum can money to become bigender so he can do just that whenever he is told "Go fuck yourself!" The way he sees it, he'll be constantly havin' sex.
Amen.
Navel lint collector.
Has a collection of baby oil that makes Diddy all jealous.
Face fucked by a mob of rodeo clowns on Cialis.
Rejected by a mob of rodeo clowns on Cialis who went after a dead badger on the roadside because it was better looking and didn't smell as bad.
Went to a see a proctologist and the doctor put his finger in Reggie's mouth.
Flicks her bean to Bryan Adams songs.
Is president of the Nickleback fan club.
Got charged for indecent exposure sexually assaulting a pool noodle at his YMCA.
Still wears a Covid mask because he got sick and tired of getting arrested for indecent exposure.
Amen.
Gypsies stole his detachable penis at Burning Man.
Is back home recovering from injuries sustained while at his side-hustle panhandling for handouts with his Basset Hound at a major traffic intersection. Turned out a van full of little old ladies didn't take too kindly to his sign which read, "HUNGRY! NEED $$$! HELP OR I'LL HAVE TO EAT MY DOG!"
The video of the blue hairs stompin' his ass is getting a buncha hits, though.
Amen.
Ok, that's just bizarre. :dontknow:
Bragged that he once did some coke off a bikini clad fanny but that was just him with a can of cola and line dancing with his mom at Buc-ee's.
His milk mustache isn't milk.
His shit eating grin isn't just symbolic...
Lost his first chance to lose his virginity when he was a lad when he blurted "Damn! Your cunt is huge!"
He never made that mistake again.
Mixes vodka with horse piss and calls it a Moscow mule.
Thinks the vodka ruins the Moscow Mule.
Tried to serve a Moscow Mule but it kicked him in the balls when he tried to Put-in.
Fucked a mule in Moscow once.
Visited Lenin's tomb; left kissy smudges on the glass.
Visited Richard Simmons grave left tears on the ground.
Visited Dollywood, walked out wearing a Dolly bra under her clothes as knickers.
Nobody suspected a thing...
Offered to buy my bra souvenir from Dollywood.
Gets her feelings hurt every year at the office Christmas party because every year they draw names for secret Santa and every year she receives a Lane Bryant "Whoppers" brassiere.
Amen.
Every year he storms out of the X-mas party in tears because he didn't receive a Lane Bryant "Whoppers" brassiere.
Extreme seafood chefs from Japan pay to have her sit on their faces. :dontknow:
Went ahead and ate Fred, his Bassett hound. "Them old hags messed with the wrong dude", he said defiantly to the arresting officer as he was hauled to jail.
(https://thebluecashew.net/gallery/3679_14_02_25_12_49_55.jpeg)
Fred, R.I.P.
Amen.
Plays Uno with himself.
Plays with himself.
Does a victory dance whenever he beats the neighborhood preschoolers at Hungry Hungry Hippo.
Amen.
Mixes gasoline, paint thinner, and draino which is his recipe for a "Kamikaze".
Mixes gasoline, paint thinner, and draino which is his home remedy for constipation.
Amen.
Lives in his car by choice, not necessity.
He's so cheap when he dies, he'll probably walk towards the light - and turn it off.
The hair on her vagina is highly prized at autobody shops for sanding back rust filler.
Uses a scouring pad like a loofah sponge on his ass.
Cleans his ass with a power washer and muriatic acid.
Things went terribly wrong last week when he apparently forgot his safe word during an intense "therapy" session with Mme. Pauline and her electric cattle prod. His doctors are hopeful his stuttering and spontaneous twitching will eventually resolve in time, but are concerned that the drooling and incontinence may very well be permanent.
Amen.
Trains macaques to fondle his balls.
When he goes fishin' for catfish, fondles his 'nads to add extra kick to his stink bait.
Amen.
Wears his skinny jeans in the sauna.
(https://thebluecashew.net/gallery/3679_16_02_25_2_43_33.jpeg)
The Kayla Lemieux shot above is the screensaver on his phone and laptop.
Amen.
Spanks to that image every Friday precisely at 4:20pm.
(https://thebluecashew.net/gallery/3679_17_02_25_4_26_02.jpeg)
No worries. As you can see, Prof Emeritus is definitely living his life.
Amen.
His wife said he missed his calling. She said he should have been a banker because he knows the penalty for early withdrawal.
Gets great parking spaces now with the handicap tag she got for her car by identifying as disabled.
Amen.
He opened a bar for men like himself with erectile dysfunction.
It was a total flop. Nobody came.
The only difference between him and a barrel of shit is the barrel.
Quote from: Renegade Quark on February 19, 2025, 12:58:16 AMThe only difference between him and a barrel of shit is the barrel.
Him? He must be consuming the contents of the barrel.
She calls her local psychic line for the winning lottery numbers of last week.
Is so ugly that his parents used to sit him in the corner and feed him with a slingshot.
He spent five hours staring at a glass of orange juice because it said 'concentrate' on the carton.
Uses a Tic Tac case as a protective sports cup.
No longer needs a cup since he transitioned.
He had to cancel his appointment at the sperm bank. He couldn't cum.
It's not his wife's birthday or their anniversary that makes him think of dinner by candlelight. It's a power failure.
Her last date was a conjugal visit at GITMO.
The only time he can multi-task is when he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time.
Was the original Eve in the garden of Eden but she misheard Adam when he said "leave"..
His face looks like he has been bobbing for french fries.
Goes to family reunions to try to get a date.
Pulls tricks at reunions and offers a family discount.
Is on the Epstein client list.
He was in a bar when some random guy called him a cheapskate. RQ was so angry he threw the guy's drink in his face.
Washed her crotch with No More Tears baby shampoo before meeting Joe Biden...
Is Cornpop.
Took Cornpop to the Harvest Festival AND Prom.
His prom dress made the other girls jealous.
His porn name is Mini Me.
When RQ got married it was like buying a dishwashing machine. He never had to do it by hand again.
If you get up close when Shen Li queefs, you can hear and smell the ocean.
All hat and no cattle.
Favorite hobby is cow tipping while nude.
Is not allowed within ten kilometres of cattle farms.
Takes his animal husbandry serious...
Frood entered his son's room and said "remember boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here" his son replied.
Is a two-bagger.
His call sign in the Navy was "Twinkle Toes".
Is a fan boy of the Twilight series.
Fanned Ron Jeremy's schlong on set.
Has a side hustle as a male wet nurse.
Amen.
Isn't adverse to the flavour of bull milk.
Just in case Fear Factor auditions ever return, his daily training regimen includes a breakfast of a half gallon of "donkey juice."
Amen.
Guzzles a half gallon of prune juice every morning to "clean out his plumbing".
His porch light is on, but there's nobody home.
When he found out that his toaster wasn't waterproof, he was shocked.
He calls his toilet the Jim instead of the John. That way he can honestly say he goes to the Jim several times a day.
Failed her driving test 5 minutes in when she asked the evaluator: "Are fat people on scooters still worth double points?"
Called the suicide prevention hotline once and they tried to encourage him.
Inspired by the Mundari people, bought his own cow to provide all his shower and bath, skincare, and teeth cleaning needs.
(https://thebluecashew.net/gallery/3679_25_02_25_5_38_14.jpeg)
Amen.
He has 2 parts of brain, left and right. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Tried out for the Spice Girls -- and was accepted.
I will admit he is street smart. Sesame Street smart.
Had a crush on George Costanza as a teen.
Quote from: Frood on February 25, 2025, 11:21:28 PMHad a crush on George Costanza as a teen.
Is jealous of George Costanza's height and hair.
Her graduating class voted her most likely have her name and number in truckstop restrooms across America.
He's trying to save money on his meat budget so he bought deer balls because he heard they're under a buck.
Shen Li and Renegade Quark were hanging out in a tree house when RQ piped up with "If fell out of this tree, I would strike oil!".
Shen said "that's nothing. If I fell out of this tree, I could trap a grizzly bear".
He's been told he's either naive or stupid. But, he's not sure which side he's moron.
Finally got her dream job as horse sheath cleaner at the local racetrack. Boasts she's so good at her job, she could do it with both hands tied behind her back.
Amen.
Was very disappointed when rejected by the International Olympic Committee to be the official transgender athlete inspector.
His wife is a sex object. Every time he asks for sex she objects.
Has been banged more than an auctioneers gavel.
He burns as many calories during sex as he does running 10 kilometres. But, who the hell runs 10 kms in 30 seconds.
Was a blow-up sex doll in another life.
Dry Cleaned blow up sex dolls in another life...
Even blow-up dolls reject his advances.
Amen.
Got protein supplements off his dry cleaned blow up dolls and built up his tits to a B+ cup.
Is very jealous of those tits.
He gave his wife some shoes and a dildo for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes she can go fuck herself.
Brought a rhino horn for her husband, but decided it worked better just for her.
He walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when he didn't stop.
Claims daily applications of hot pecker snot help keep her facial skin soft and reduces wrinkles.
Amen.
He determined the results of the application via "empirical research".
He's so cheap if you gave him poison he wouldn't die until he recovered the deposit on the bottle.
Is boil on the back of humanity.
Has sheep dags fused to his pubic hairs.
Is the pubic hair whisperer.
Does happy endings for the local sperm bank at minimum wage.
Just told us what his side gig is.
Has a recurring wet dream of getting pegged by Nancy Pelosi.
Amen.
Uses Nancy Pelosi's under-boob sweat as hair of the dog every morning.
He changed his password to 'my dick', but his PC said it's too small.
Wears two surgical masks and a piece of twine as a bra.
Mecca for lice.
The Atlantis of Lice
(Atlantlice)
When exposed to Covid 19, Covid 19 got sick.
He is proud of his Welsh and Hungarian ancestry. He can honestly say he is Well Hung.
Has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Broke down and got a vasectomy because they don't make condoms small enough.
Amen.
Is so old that when he was a kid the Dead Sea was just really sick.
Whenever RQ "cuts the cheese", his poor dog Stinky runs outside licking its ass trying to get the taste outta its mouth.
Amen.
Stuart went to a proctologist. The doctor said to him, you need to stop masturbing.
Stuart said why?
The doctor said so I can examine you.
Her gynecologist wears a hazmat suit.
Admits to being a gynecologist.
Flunked out of gynecology school because he kept fainting at the sight of vagina.
He's so frugal he got married just for the rice.
Is on the mend at Our Lady Shaniqua's Hospital after face planting on the Walmart parking lot when she accidentally tripped on one of her boobies.
Amen.
Paid a dominatrix to kick him in the nards but had accept a refund when after a dozen strikes to his groin her aim wasn't good enough to get the job done.
Cut a finger off trying to retrieve his crusty tube socks under his bed.
His wank sock is "standing" on it's own from overuse.
Was Woody Harrelson's stunt double for the "milk" scene in the Kingpin movie.
Amen.
He was addicted to masturbation, but then when he met his wife he became addicted to sex. His addiction got out of hand.
Studies have shown Shen Li to be the number one cause of ED in men over forty.
Amen.
Stuart said to his wife, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time.
She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, your dick is bigger than your best friend's.
To which Shen Li chimed in, "That ain't nothin'! Why, just this past month alone I've had over a hundred talkywackers bigger than Stu's best friend's!"
Amen.
Is so old that when he was a kid Old Faithful was called Young Cheater.
Was the inspiration for this international hit:
Do you know the difference between Stuart and chocolate?
Chocolate can satisfy a woman.
Bedswerver.
The only way his wife could get him to go down on her was by putting the TV remote between her legs.
A Blue Cashew Special -
Presenting the story of Shen Li's youth in song:Amen.
Why does Stuart's wife weigh more than the average single woman?
The average single women comes home and sees what's in the fridge and goes to bed.
Stuart's wife comes home, takes one look at what's in bed and goes to the fridge.
Thunder-thighs.
Thunder ankles.
Thunder-butt.
Amen.
Is a 22 caliber in a 357 magnum world.
Is the only heroin user in a world full of crackheads.
Snorts whiskey and drinks cocaine.
Amen.
Drugs do him.
Drug dealers do him for sugar packets.
Frood's Wife: 'I can't believe you went to a prostitute to have sex!'
Frood: 'What did you expect? We haven't done anything for months.'
Frood's wife: 'You could have told me you were willing to pay.'
Quote from: Shen Li on March 12, 2025, 07:05:09 AMFrood's Wife: 'I can't believe you went to a prostitute to have sex!'
Frood: 'What did you expect? We haven't done anything for months.'
Frood's wife: 'You could have told me you were willing to pay.'
Heh. There ain't no sucha thang as free poontang. Just sayin'.
Amen.
Hookers offer him freebies and he still says no.
Whenever he farts outdoors, buzzards arrive and begin circling.
Amen.
Amway representative.
Independent beauty consultant for Mary Kay.
Amen.
Became a Rainbow vacuum cleaner salesman because he wanted into the gay porn industry.
Is a great client of that salesman.
What's the difference between Prof's jokes and his penis?
Nobody laughs at his jokes.
What's the difference between an Iron Chink and a Pink Chink?
Two orgasms.
He's so cheap that when he played football, the object was to get the quarter back.
Old Shen Li is like a community college.
She's cheap, easy to get into, and people will settle for her if they can't do any better.
After all these years, still thinks "shit, shower and shave" means "shit in the shower and shave."
Amen.
His hobbies are stamp collecting, long walks on the beach, and full contact nude kickboxing.
Which explains his falsetto voice.
Quote from: Prof Emeritus at Fawk U on March 14, 2025, 07:25:33 PMHis hobbies are stamp collecting, long walks on the beach, and full contact nude kickboxing.
Which explains his falsetto voice.
Actually, I
am a philatelist. 🤣
Amen.
Actually, he is a coprophiliac.
Has financed a tattoo.
His mother shoulda swallowed.
Amen.
He went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed like an egg. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: It was the chicken.
Twerks to waltz music.
Twerks to gospel music.
Amen.
Has a great face for radio.
He wishes dicks were more like technology. So he could brag about how small his is
She's the local chapter president of Karens R Us. Their motto is "We're always seeing you next Tuesday".
Still hasn't gotten over his last date because as they started having sex and he thrust for all he was worth the woman giggled and said: "You can give me more than just the tip, lover."
Despite a record 23 appearances on Maury to test 31 different men, his ma has yet to find his daddy.
Amen.
He asked his wife, "why don't you tell me when you orgasm."
She replied, "I don't like calling you when you're at work."
Is Whoopi Goldberg's stunt double.
In his side hustle as a masseur, is well known for his no hands or feet happy endings.
Amen.
If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 4 people is called a foursome, I guess it's clear why Stuart is called handsome.
Swamp donkey.
In-house human test subject for the R&D department of a large dildo manufacturer.
Amen.
Wears adult diapers to a pool party.
Always has to clean the pool after the pool party.
According to Reggie what's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot. Reggie will spend hours looking for a golf ball.
Evil Li hittin' the beach in another futile attempt to redeem herself from her exceedingly sinful past:
(https://thebluecashew.net/gallery/3679_20_03_25_11_23_03.jpeg)
Amen.
According to Stuart the difference between a chickpea and a lentil is that he wouldn't pay $50 to have a lentil on his face.
Secretly voted for Kamala.
Quote from: Renegade Quark on March 21, 2025, 12:15:45 AMSecretly voted for Kamala.
Has a Kamala poster on the back of his bathroom door.
Has a father who smelt of elderberry.
When asked what she thought of Lily Phillips' having sex with 100 men in 24 hours, she scoffed and said, "Amateur."
https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/porn-star-who-slept-with-100-men-in-a-day-admits-condom-mistake/news-story/d75bffd73ab126c8bfe6e4d3c16f5935?amp
Amen.
Had to do the "clean up" after she was finished.
The butter done slipped off of his biscuit.
Thinks the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer is taste.
To her the difference between oral and rectal is about ten bucks.
Speaking of "difference", his breath is so bad that when he's speaking, people think he 's shit his britches. Likewise, whenever he shits his britches, people think he's speaking.
Amen.
Continuing with differences, Stuart thinks the difference between purple and pink is the grip.
Proudly declares:
"I have men lining up at my door!"
...but neglects to say they all want their money back.
Is the pimp that is losing the money.
Is one of her johns demanding a refund of fi' dolla 'n' fitty cent because she said, "So sad your li'l Willie isn't great big like Stu's purple helmeted warrior!"
Amen.
Looks like that guy in every zombie movie who's been bitten and is trying to hide it from the rest of the group.
Is the "biter".
Couldn't afford dentures but has had surprising success with PlayDoh® hardened in a microwave and coated with Whiteout©.
Smokes weed from a drilled out portable travel urinal.
To him a portable urinal is called a travel mug.
His wife thought he'd be a pushover in bed and wouldn't you know it, she had him pegged from the start.
She isn't exactly thriving in Singapore.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/z_BXhm1Wbvk?feature=share
Edward will not post pictures of himself, but he surprised us by posting a video of his sister.
(https://img.freepik.com/premium-photo/young-asian-nerd-man-wearing-eyeglasses-against-gray_251136-26813.jpg)
Eddie the Chug's drinking buddy.
You know how Herman makes his wife cry during sex? He phones her.
Finds the details of Herman's sex life to be quite mesmerizing.
Amen.
Is very much involved in that sex life.
When asked about his sex life, he looked bewildered and stammered, "Wh-whut th'hell izzat?"
Amen.
Named his inflatable sex doll after his father.
Wishes he was ambidextrous so he could spice up his sex life with a threesome once in a while.
Amen.
Fucks empty shampoo bottles when taking a bubble bath.
He went to a brothel, but the sign said beat it, we're closed.
Has trouble spelling her last name.
Uses spell check on social media.
He didn't remember blowing bubbles as a kid until he ran into him the other day and they started talking about it.
Thinks Bon Appétit is a breed of canine.
He recently came into a bunch of money. Which is strange for him, he usually just uses a paper towel.
Her zodiac sign is Delirious.
He watched a documentary on marijuana. I think he does everything that way.
Has so much hair on her upper lip she looks like Tom Selleck.
He's looking forward to being able to grow hair on his upper lip when puberty kicks in.
Could use a rolled-up mattress for a tampon.
He brought some flowers home for his wife.
She asked him, "Does this mean I have to spread my legs"?
RQ replied, "Do we not have a vase"?
Has an unusual side hustle at a local strip club. There, the gentlemen make it rain for her to put her clothes back on.
Amen.
Spends his entire pension cheque at the peeler bar.
Has more hair on his back than on his head.
He's so frugal he stayed in the cheapest hotel he could find. He went to the front desk and said "I've got a leak in my sink."
They said "Go ahead."
Urinated on her gaming console because Nintendo said Wii...
He doesn't need to flush after defecating... he smiles at the commode and that scares the shit out of it.
Got busted by the cops for being obnoxious to staff at a Southern Grocery Chain.
His charge was "jerked off in Publix"...
He did the jerking.
His Native American Indian name roughly translates to "Shy Slim Jim Carrying 2 Baked Beans"
His Pornhub chat handle is Mickey Mousepud.
Unsuccessfully sued
The Sweet years ago for emotional pain and suffering, claiming "Little Willy" subjected his widdle willy to public scorn, ridicule and humiliation.
Amen.
The difference between Stuart and an egg is that an egg gets laid.
Two-bagger.
Went hunting for a piece of ass; got teabagged by a pair of donkeys.
Is depriving a village somewhere of their fool.
Has to put on a cup when he wears shorts to keep his knees from knockin' his 'nads.
Amen.
Wears an "ass bra" for his walks.
Carries two ice cubes in shot glasses around just in case his nads start overheating.
Brags that he can fart at will.
Amen.
His new diet consists of eating whatever sticks to the walls of the deep fryer.
Is so ugly it hurts my feelings.
Once jerked Paul Reubens off in a truck-stop toilet stall...
...with his bare feet.
His wang is the "before" pic of those male enhancement ads.
Is the foremost authority on all things pertaining to Frood's wang.
Amen.
He got constipated while preparing his annual tax return. He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
Is proof that rock bottom has a basement.
Lives in that basement.
He paints rabbits on his bald head because from a distance they look like hares.
Gives the term "hair lip" a new meaning.
Is so fugly, he's got warts growing out of his hairs.
Is such a pussy his wife calls him to dinner by going "Pspspsps!"
Masturbates with chocolate and Graham crackers near campfires.
Short men like Freud are oppressed. They're always getting overlooked.
Five feet of bad road.
Fired from his job as a Walmart greeter, due to numerous customer complaints he demanded they pull his finger to be granted entrance into the store.
Amen.
Banned from his local garden centres for humping the Venus Fly Traps.
Fly Trap is what he named his pecker.
He was blessed with a 9 inch dick.
That priest is in jail now.
Convicted by the National Park Service for assalting and battering a Mr. Woody Woodpecker and a number of squirrely witnesses.
Wears a thong while shopping...
... for more thongs.
Boasts to anyone and everyone that he loves eatin' pussy. Perhaps it is merely a coincidence that there are no cats within 5 miles of his house.
Amen.
Has the face of a Bulldog chewing a wasp.
Has the face of a bulldog shitting a wasp nest.
Has the intelligence of a bulldog.
Has the DNA of a bulldog.
Gargles with bulldog DNA.
After listening to the great Roger Miller classic, decided Miller was fulla shit. Sooooo, one day he bought a pair o' roller skates. . . .
Doctors are hopeful Frood can go home from the hospital next weekend.
Amen.
This song was playing when the ASPCA raided his place and were shocked at what they found.
His wife dressed up as a policewoman and told him he was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After two minutes she said all charges were being dropped due to a lack of evidence.
Has bingo wings.
Has a bingo jones.
Amen.
Plays sexual bingo.
Has yet to hit the free space.
"It's a boy" he shouted, with tears rolling down his face. "It's a boy! I don't believe it" he said.
And it was at that point that he resolved never to visit Thailand again.
Has a face that makes onions cry.
Has to wear a pork chop necklace to get his dog to play with him.
Only plays with his dog until the peanut butter is licked off.
He got a vasectomy but his wife still got pregnant.
Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
Is so stingy she eats her breakfast cereal with a fork to save milk...
The other day he got pulled over by a cop. When the cop walked up, Freud pulled out his 9mm.
Once the cop stopped laughing, he wrote Freud up for indecent exposure.
Has teeth that could eat an apple through a fence.
His dentist reminded him about his wife's sensitive gag reflex.
They laughed about it for a while.
Then RQ remembered he and his wife have different dentists.
Has a successful side hustle as Kathoey Kween yum-yum ow-ow.
Amen.
Hangs out outside the exit of a prison looking for a sugar daddy.
Whenever he feels like dinner and a date, he goes to the county lockup and moons the first cop he sees.
Amen.
His old lady makes him shine the shitters in their house.
He got hearing AIDS from unprotected phone sex.
Could get lost in a 55 gallon drum with both ends cut out.
RQ said to his mother, "Mom, all the kids at school are making fun of me because I'm still a virgin."
His mother replied, "Well, start giving them bad grades and they'll stop."
Enjoys binge watching Dr. Pimple Popper with her pimple posse at their weekly zits-a-poppin' parties.
Amen.
I read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old.
Stuart is finally well above average for something.
Bint.
He asked his phone "Siri, why am I still single?" And it activated the front camera.
Has a severe pimple porn addiction.
Amen.
Is a pimple porn actor.
Is a pimple porn stand-in for the money shots.
Amen.
Stuart walks into a hotel, goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy at the desk replies "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
We all evolved from apes, but she didn't evolve far enough.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but Prof was keeping the umbrella.
Dollar Store Michelle Yeoh.
When his mother was breastfeeding she'd close her eyes and pretend she was with another baby.
He asked his girlfriend if she wanted a quickie.
She replied, as opposed to what.
Is so ugly her proctologist puts his finger in her mouth.
Discovered a new and very dangerous microbial lifeform...
...after scratching his crotch.
He looks like he would be easy to draw.
RQ walks into a bar and says to the bartender I slept with my wife before we were married. Did you?
The bartender says, I don't know what does your wife look like.
She's the reason God created the middle finger.
Amen.
His penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but the librarian told him to take it out.
Try as she might, just can't get ol' Stu's tallywacker off her mind.
Amen.