Babylon Bee, People's Cube etc.

[Anonymous]

https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/097/685/513/original/d8984d26158e4248.jpg">

 

[Thiel]

https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/097/685/513/original/d8984d26158e4248.jpg">

Priceless

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-employees-now-required-to-wear-chastity-belts">CNN Employees Now Required To Wear Chastity Belts



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-10443-1.jpg">



NEW YORK—Following a slew of sexual misconduct allegations concerning staff,

CNN has been forced to take extreme action to repair its image. The interim president has announced that henceforth, all CNN employees must wear chastity belts at all times.



"I know everyone wants to sleep with me, Jim Acosta," said Jim Acosta. "But this seems like overkill."



"I have never done anything wrong, ever," said Jake Tapper. "I'm not sure why this is necessary."



"Desperate times call for desperate measures," said Brian Stelter sporting his new metal chastity belt. "We take sexual misconduct seriously at CNN, that's why we have all gladly locked ourselves away, lest we be tempted."



"We considered a multitude of options, but none of them made as much sense as simply placing a giant cage and metal padlock over every employee's genitals." said new CNN interim President Michael Bass. "Some have called this measure overkill, and inconvenient—I call it necessary."



The keys to the belts have all been given to their spouses for safekeeping. "I can't tell what this move has done for our marriage," said Brian Stelter's wife. "Knowing that my Brian is not acting up in the office has given me tremendous peace of mind."

[Anonymous]

https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-employees-now-required-to-wear-chastity-belts">CNN Employees Now Required To Wear Chastity Belts



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-10443-1.jpg">



NEW YORK—Following a slew of sexual misconduct allegations concerning staff,

CNN has been forced to take extreme action to repair its image. The interim president has announced that henceforth, all CNN employees must wear chastity belts at all times.



"I know everyone wants to sleep with me, Jim Acosta," said Jim Acosta. "But this seems like overkill."



"I have never done anything wrong, ever," said Jake Tapper. "I'm not sure why this is necessary."



"Desperate times call for desperate measures," said Brian Stelter sporting his new metal chastity belt. "We take sexual misconduct seriously at CNN, that's why we have all gladly locked ourselves away, lest we be tempted."



"We considered a multitude of options, but none of them made as much sense as simply placing a giant cage and metal padlock over every employee's genitals." said new CNN interim President Michael Bass. "Some have called this measure overkill, and inconvenient—I call it necessary."



The keys to the belts have all been given to their spouses for safekeeping. "I can't tell what this move has done for our marriage," said Brian Stelter's wife. "Knowing that my Brian is not acting up in the office has given me tremendous peace of mind."

All white libtard hypotwat predators should be required by law to wear them.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-employees-now-required-to-wear-chastity-belts">CNN Employees Now Required To Wear Chastity Belts



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-10443-1.jpg">



NEW YORK—Following a slew of sexual misconduct allegations concerning staff,

CNN has been forced to take extreme action to repair its image. The interim president has announced that henceforth, all CNN employees must wear chastity belts at all times.



"I know everyone wants to sleep with me, Jim Acosta," said Jim Acosta. "But this seems like overkill."



"I have never done anything wrong, ever," said Jake Tapper. "I'm not sure why this is necessary."



"Desperate times call for desperate measures," said Brian Stelter sporting his new metal chastity belt. "We take sexual misconduct seriously at CNN, that's why we have all gladly locked ourselves away, lest we be tempted."



"We considered a multitude of options, but none of them made as much sense as simply placing a giant cage and metal padlock over every employee's genitals." said new CNN interim President Michael Bass. "Some have called this measure overkill, and inconvenient—I call it necessary."



The keys to the belts have all been given to their spouses for safekeeping. "I can't tell what this move has done for our marriage," said Brian Stelter's wife. "Knowing that my Brian is not acting up in the office has given me tremendous peace of mind."

Al white libtard hypotwat predators should be required by law to wear them.

No further procreation of the entire breed would be a good plan



As for CNN & Similar ilk ., gags could be considered

[Anonymous]

Parents, don't let your daughters work for CNN.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/us-to-invade-canada-to-establish-a-democracy/">U.S. To Invade Canada To Establish A Democracy



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-10539-1.jpg">



WASHINGTON, D.C.—Meeting in a top-secret, smoke-filled war room, U.S. generals agreed on a plan earlier this week to invade the foreign dictatorship known as "Canada" and establish a democracy there.



"Gentlemen, it's time," said General Butch "Meathead" Tanner of the U.S. Army as he munched a cigar. "We can't let this evil, religious zealot Trudeau oppress his people any longer. It's time to let freedom ring."



"And by 'let freedom ring', of course, I mean 'rain down an ungodly amount of explosives,'" he added. "I love democracy."



A few generals urged caution, pointing out that getting involved in a land war in Canada was "one of the classic blunders," though they were later shouted down as that's actually land wars in Asia. Eventually, the vote was unanimous, and troops were mobilized along the Canadian border. Tanks began churning through the snow, running over moose and beavers, and F-22 Raptors screamed into Ottawa blasting away tons of bogeys, which were later revealed to be geese. Horrified Royal Mounties ran away from the combined arms assault, apologizing profusely.



Commander-in-Chief Joe Biden will be notified of the invasion at a later date, or whenever his nap time is over, whichever comes first.



At publishing time, it had been revealed that the plan all along was just to get their strategic reserves of maple syrup.



(Pssst .. Rumor has it, they intend to move the capitol to Red Deer Alberta)

[Anonymous]

https://server6.kproxy.com/servlet/redirect.srv/sruj/shhzdcy/s6iwolzo/p2/servlet/redirect.srv/sruj/snomzbznrrt/p2/news/us-to-invade-canada-to-establish-a-democracy/">U.S. To Invade Canada To Establish A Democracy



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-10539-1.jpg">



WASHINGTON, D.C.—Meeting in a top-secret, smoke-filled war room, U.S. generals agreed on a plan earlier this week to invade the foreign dictatorship known as "Canada" and establish a democracy there.



"Gentlemen, it's time," said General Butch "Meathead" Tanner of the U.S. Army as he munched a cigar. "We can't let this evil, religious zealot Trudeau oppress his people any longer. It's time to let freedom ring."



"And by 'let freedom ring', of course, I mean 'rain down an ungodly amount of explosives,'" he added. "I love democracy."



A few generals urged caution, pointing out that getting involved in a land war in Canada was "one of the classic blunders," though they were later shouted down as that's actually land wars in Asia. Eventually, the vote was unanimous, and troops were mobilized along the Canadian border. Tanks began churning through the snow, running over moose and beavers, and F-22 Raptors screamed into Ottawa blasting away tons of bogeys, which were later revealed to be geese. Horrified Royal Mounties ran away from the combined arms assault, apologizing profusely.



Commander-in-Chief Joe Biden will be notified of the invasion at a later date, or whenever his nap time is over, whichever comes first.



At publishing time, it had been revealed that the plan all along was just to get their strategic reserves of maple syrup.



(Pssst .. Rumor has it, they intend to move the capitol to Red Deer Alberta)

They could hold temporary parliament in the arena where the Red Deer Rebels play hockey until they establish a permanent one on Gaetz Avenue.

[cc]

(Pssst .. Rumor has it, they intend to move the capitol to Red Deer Alberta)

They could hold temporary parliament in the arena where the Red Deer Rebels play hockey until they establish a permanent one on Gaetz Avenue.

and the Rebels can play on a pond in the meantime  ac_smile

[Bricktop]

Your country is being invaded and all you care about is hockey?



Oh...wait...you're Canadian. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Your country is being invaded and all you care about is hockey?



Oh...wait...you're Canadian. Carry on.

If another country invaded and deposed Trudeau there would be block parties in every city in Canada that would make the Ottawa protests look like a backyard barbeque.

[cc]

Your country is being invaded and all you care about is hockey?



Oh...wait...you're Canadian. Carry on.

If another country invaded and deposed Trudeau there would be block parties in every city in Canada that would make the Ottawa protests look like a backyard barbeque.

 

[Anonymous]

Your country is being invaded and all you care about is hockey?



Oh...wait...you're Canadian. Carry on.

If another country invaded and deposed Trudeau there would be block parties in every city in Canada that would make the Ottawa protests look like a backyard barbeque.

 

That aint no joke.

[cc]

https://babylonbee.com/news/man-identifying-6-year-old-crushes-game-winning-homer-tee-ball-championship">Man Identifying As 6-Year-Old Crushes Game-Winning Homer In Tee-Ball Championship



https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-1027.jpg">



AUBURN, CA—Local 36-year-old man Nate Ripley, who identifies as a six-year-old, "absolutely crushed" a game-winning homer at a local tee-ball game and won the championship for his team Monday evening, reports confirmed.



Ripley reportedly walked up to the plate in the bottom of the 6th, pointed his bat toward the left-field wall looming 130 feet in the distance, and let her rip, sending the ball rocketing over the fence and into a parking lot as the fans cheered and his coach yelled out, "Attaboy, Nate! Good job, bud!"



His team, the Lil' Padres, attempted to hoist him up on their shoulders in celebration of their great victory over the favored Tiny Tigers, but were unable to pick up the large 230-pound man.



Ripley's feat comes at the end of a momentous tee-ball season, in which the self-identified six-year-old absolutely shattered every record set prior to that point. With a 1.000 batting average, 52 home runs, and an incredible showing at first base, second base, shortstop, third base, and pitcher, the man is being called an inspiration to other six-year-olds everywhere.



"I'm just proud to be here with my team. It's all for the love of the game," an emotional Ripley told reporters while enjoying an orange slice and juice box after the championship. "I couldn't have done it without my team."

[Bricktop]

Your country is being invaded and all you care about is hockey?



Oh...wait...you're Canadian. Carry on.

If another country invaded and deposed Trudeau there would be block parties in every city in Canada that would make the Ottawa protests look like a backyard barbeque.

Really?



We'll be right there. Freud will take care of catering.



How many troops do you think we'll need? 50? 100?



 ac_dunno