Merry or Sad Christmas

[Annie]

I find every year, the last week leading up to Christmas is the worst for me and New Year's. I hide it well from my family but I do a lot of crying. I reflect back on the past year and worry about the year to follow. I also think about all the loved ones that have passed and I miss them dearly. I am thankful for having what we have but feel sad that I can't provide more and at the same time I feel bad for others who have less and how they must feel while it looks like everyone around is celebrating and with family.  I hear about people killed in stupid accidents and how this must effect they're family right before Christmas.   I have a small family left but I feel sad for others who may not have anyone  ac_crying

[Obvious Li]

i really really do hate everything about christmas....i have my reasons but suffice to say i fucking hate this time of year....another compelling argument against divorce.........life was so much simpler back in the day........ ac_beating  ac_drinks

[Annie]

So you hurt at Christmas too?   ac_drinks

[keeper]

I try to make the best of this time of year, although i do have family they dont wish to celebrate it with me and dont even bother asking what i am doing...This year i focused on my job and getting "healthy", If it was up to me i would have stayed in Arizona for xmas but the company didnt want to pay me.

I try not to think about it but like you Annie ,im good at hiding how lonely i am. When i got home Friday i went to pick up my puppy at the Kennel and i just sat in my Truck sobbing how much i missed her...So, i will spend xmas with my dog ac_wub and i get a few more days off since om on rotation now. Im sure there are people who have it ALOT worse then me so im thank full for what i have.



I do miss the BIG turkey dinner though acc_angry

[cc]

Thanks for posting this Annie ... and not only posting it but describing the feelings that some of us have.



While the expenditure / presents expenditure / presents expenditure / presents part of it would alone rule it out for me, as would the increased traffic en route  to the malls, in parking lots and NOT happy unfriendly people inside the malls supposedly buying happy presents. Increased traffic / hassle alone stops me and keeps me at home a lot at this time of year



Part of that is driven by the pressure / expectation to buy presents for people they know ..... "obligation" so many feel



But one deep personal reason is having lost so many close to me, 2 kids of 3, 1 brother of 2 and many more people. No way I can feel good at this time of year - in fact, it all makes me feel totally lousy - except when I can ignore it (not easy as it is in your face everywhere).

I am sad less for myself, as I can often just turn it off "at times", and more  so for  many others out there in similar and often worse personal situations  ... many of whom cannot turn it off what with it being in their face ALL the time



Another deep personal reason  I feel sad is that I know there are so many others who do not have the opportunities I have. So many cannot afford it.



Another deep personal reason is that I know there are others who have lost a lot, many have lost more than I have and cannot cope. It is such an un bearable  sad time for them



Another deep personal reason  I feel sad is that I know there are so many others with nobody  .. nada .. to share it with. The hoopla is demeaning to them and makes life hell for many



It is the worse time of the year for so many people. I'm lucky in that for the most part I can "cave" to partially" escape the terrible feelings it brings to me



I am not finished, but have to go now. Will continue with my feelings about it later if I can

[cc]

BTW. I'm being candid here. I don't rain on the parades of people around me unless invited and we have common feelings



I fake it and try to make others who are sad this time of year feel a bit less sad

[Anonymous]

I find every year, the last week leading up to Christmas is the worst for me and New Year's. I hide it well from my family but I do a lot of crying. I reflect back on the past year and worry about the year to follow. I also think about all the loved ones that have passed and I miss them dearly. I am thankful for having what we have but feel sad that I can't provide more and at the same time I feel bad for others who have less and how they must feel while it looks like everyone around is celebrating and with family.  I hear about people killed in stupid accidents and how this must effect they're family right before Christmas.   I have a small family left but I feel sad for others who may not have anyone  ac_crying

I find New Year's brings a tear to my eye as I reflect on the sadness of the year that has passed.

[keeper]

I find every year, the last week leading up to Christmas is the worst for me and New Year's. I hide it well from my family but I do a lot of crying. I reflect back on the past year and worry about the year to follow. I also think about all the loved ones that have passed and I miss them dearly. I am thankful for having what we have but feel sad that I can't provide more and at the same time I feel bad for others who have less and how they must feel while it looks like everyone around is celebrating and with family.  I hear about people killed in stupid accidents and how this must effect they're family right before Christmas.   I have a small family left but I feel sad for others who may not have anyone  ac_crying

I find New Year's brings a tear to my eye as I reflect on the sadness of the year that has passed.

Well Said Shen acc_hugz

Edit:  ac_crying  My apologies for making the comments i did, I just didnt want to spew my heart ache and opted for stupid humor. Sorry about that.

[Anonymous]

I find every year, the last week leading up to Christmas is the worst for me and New Year's. I hide it well from my family but I do a lot of crying. I reflect back on the past year and worry about the year to follow. I also think about all the loved ones that have passed and I miss them dearly. I am thankful for having what we have but feel sad that I can't provide more and at the same time I feel bad for others who have less and how they must feel while it looks like everyone around is celebrating and with family.  I hear about people killed in stupid accidents and how this must effect they're family right before Christmas.   I have a small family left but I feel sad for others who may not have anyone  ac_crying

I find New Year's brings a tear to my eye as I reflect on the sadness of the year that has passed.

Well Said Shen acc_hugz



I always have hopeful thoughts that the new year to come will be better then the last.



And, that Santa will set me up with a nice 25-30 year old Asian beauty that doesnt want to get married and loves latex,rubber spoons,2 different color socks on a man, sleeping in, farting in the tub, long walks through wall mart, butt massages and lastly doesnt mind that i leave the toilet seat up.  ac_dance

 ac_blush

[Obvious Li]

So you hurt at Christmas too?   ac_drinks

not sure annie.....i truly think i got over that years ago...but i do miss what was, for sure...and i am angered by the fact that fathers get sidelined in a divorce and generally ripped apart....i have not spent  a christmas with my kids, and now grandkids since 1990.....they have developed their own traditions with their mother.....i am used to missing it...but i resent my kids for choosing their mother 100% of the time.....there is a terrible karma awaiting my two sons that they aren't even aware of yet......hopefully their luck holds.....what really bothers me is that i could/may/will die in the next couple of decades and they will not even know who i was......considering the life we had prior to 1990 that is a tragedy.......that's my 2014 xmas cheer

[Anonymous]

So you hurt at Christmas too?   ac_drinks

not sure annie.....i truly think i got over that years ago...but i do miss what was, for sure...and i am angered by the fact that fathers get sidelined in a divorce and generally ripped apart....i have not spent  a christmas with my kids, and now grandkids since 1990.....they have developed their own traditions with their mother.....i am used to missing it...but i resent my kids for choosing their mother 100% of the time.....there is a terrible karma awaiting my two sons that they aren't even aware of yet......hopefully their luck holds.....what really bothers me is that i could/may/will die in the next couple of decades and they will not even know who i was......considering the life we had prior to 1990 that is a tragedy.......that's my 2014 xmas cheer

All I can say is your sons are making a big mistake handsome. On the other hand, in some ways I understand them. I would be lying the yellow off my shapely ass if I said my feelings towards my Daddy have not changed this past year. However, I owe it to my son to have his grandpa a part of his life. It's not always easy and I find it hard sometimes keeping my emotions in check, but that would be terribly selfish of me to deny my son his grandpa. Besides, I will eventually get over what I am feeling....I hope!!

[@realAzhyaAryola]

ac_crying

[@realAzhyaAryola]

The "frills" that go with Christmas seem to be meant for the children only. I find it sad if an adult still gets excited over that, then again, who knows. Maybe some adults like to get excited that way.



I ride a shuttle each day and when I hear the Christmas songs that include Jingle Bells or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I find myself annoyed with it. Christmas is not about Rudolph or bells. I find it irritating now actually.

[RW]

cc, I know it is not intended but I cannot read your heartache without crying.  I still can't fathom how difficult this time of year is for you.  I wish I could give you a big hug.



Edit



This year, I suffered a significant MS relapse which is why I'm in Van.  I get extreme facial pain but this time, my right leg hurt as well and ended up going numb.  It really hard to deal with a body that just doesn't work right.  I'm finding myself extremely depressed.  I've started pushing people away because I don't want anyone close to me right now.



I hope I feel better once I get back home to my husband and midgets.  Sorry to be a drag but I opted for honesty rather than fake optimism.

[cc]

Thanks for being honest. That is what I was doing also.



I know words are easy to type, but I think you know that I mean it when I say  ... I'm sorry for your pain and guilt



I did not know about what I think you likely wisely chose to remove but I am so glad it worked out the way it did.

I wish I could give you a big hug

You just did!!!



One back for you. You are very special.