Ethnic jokes thread........

[Obvious Li]

Personally i think ethnic jokes are the funniest..if you stop being offended and roll with it.....lol



My boss told me this one today and it is hilarious.....no way to not enjoy it.... :o  :o



A priest and a Rabbi were walking through a park when the priest spied a small boy playing by himself in the sand box.......

The priest said to the rabbi.."lets go over and fuck that kid"....

to which the rabbi replied...."outta what".........



now that is funny

[Anonymous]

Hello Obvious Li, be careful with ethnice jokes not to hurt anyone's feelings.

[Obvious Li]

Hello Obvious Li, be careful with ethnice jokes not to hurt anyone's feelings.

hi Fash....how are you this evening......how is Calgary...did i tell you my oldest son lives in Calgary ..on the west end by the ski jump...........any ethnic jokes to share

[GORDY GAMBINO]

DEREK:Mm-cha mm-cha mm-cha mm-cha,

 mm-cha ..... (repeats over and over) CLIVE:Oooh-la-la-la-la, oop North, you know, we have a different point of view. And here, from the North country we have a wonderful comic and he's a great bloke, I'd like you welcome him here and now, he's Alfie Noakes and he's got stories from the North!DEREK:(makes sound of ecstatic audience applause, then belches)CLIVE:Hello, ah-ha-ha! Hallo! my name is Alfie Noakes, and .....DEREK:No, my name is Alfie Noakes!CLIVE:Oh! Your name is Alfie Noakes?DEREK:Yeah!CLIVE:Hallo Alfie!DEREK:Hallo Alfie, how are you?CLIVE:Aaaaayyyyyeee, nice to meet you!DEREK:Ehh, nice to see you. Yes, how are you Alfie?CLIVE:Great to see you!DEREK:Yeah, yeah, yeah .....CLIVE:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah .....DEREK:Ah, ya fuckin'- Aah.CLIVE:Aye, ayeDEREK:Oh.CLIVE:Well, my name is Alfie Noakes, and I remember the time your mother .....DEREK:Yeah.CLIVE:..... had cancer of the arsehole!DEREK:Oh! That was a funny one, wasn't it! Yeah! She said .....CLIVE:Oh, that was a funny one! Oh, I love that! Yes, I love that! DEREK:She said .....CLIVE:Oh, you love that folks! Listen to Alfie, tell it.DEREK:'Ere, I said to her, I said, I said, I said, I said, .....CLIVE:She said - what'd you hear? What'd you say? .....DEREK:..... I said, "Mother-", I said, "Mother-", ..... CLIVE:..... What'd you say? What'd you say? What'd you say? .....DEREK:..... I said, "Mother, you've got so m-", I said "Mother", I said, I said, "Mother, you've got so much-", .....CLIVE:..... He said, "Mother, mother", he said, "Mother", he said, "Mother", he said - what'd you-, "Mother", he said, "Mother", he said, "Mother", he said. What'd you say? .....DEREK:..... Oh, I said, no, leave it, I said, "Mother", .....CLIVE:..... He said, "Mother", he said, "Mother", he said. What'd you say? .....DEREK:..... no, I said, I said, "Mother", I said, no, well, I'll tell you what I said, .....CLIVE:..... He said, "Mother", he said, "Mother", I said, "Mother". What'd you say? .....DEREK:..... I said, "Mother", I said, "Mother", I said, "Mother", I said, .....CLIVE:..... I said, "Mother", I said, "Mother", I said. What'd you say?DEREK:..... I said, "Mother", I said, "Mother", I said, "Mother", I said, "Mother", .....CLIVE:..... I said, "Mother, mother." What'd you say?DEREK:CANCER!!!!!!CLIVE:Oh!DEREK:And she said to me .....CLIVE:Ah!DEREK:Ah-huugh-arrgh-ugh-oh! And I laughed! I've never laughed so much before.CLIVE:Oh, Alfie Noakes, that is the most wonderful joke I've ever heard.DEREK:Ah-hoo!CLIVE:But, never mind .....DEREK:Oh! (laughs)CLIVE:..... we've got more people coming into the room and we've got none other than my young companion, Alfie Noakes.DEREK:Hello Alfie! CLIVE:Hallo Alfie! Alfie!DEREK:How are you Alfie?CLIVE:Hallo love! Alfie, I'm fine!DEREK:Ya-hurgh, I said to her, .....CLIVE:Yes, ah, yes, yes .....DEREK:I said to her, .....CLIVE:I want to tell you a story, .....DEREK:..... yeah, oh, wh-, yeah.CLIVE:..... I want to tell you a story. There's this bloke, and he's Irish and he's Jewish and he's Pakistani and he's stupid and he's lost his teeth .....DEREK:Ahh-hugh-ho-ho!CLIVE:..... and all his h-, all his hair fell out .....DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:Oh-hoo! And .....DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:..... all his hair fell out .....DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:..... and his legs fell off .....DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:..... and, er, .....DEREK:Oh-hoo! Oh-CLIVE:..... his, his, his cock got sliced off by a lawn mower!DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:And he said, oh-hoo, .....DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:..... he said, "I'm not feeling too well."DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:And this black bloke came round and said to him, .....DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:..... "If you're not feeling well, .....DEREK:Oh-hoo!CLIVE:..... you should see how I'm feeling!"DEREK:Ohhhhhhhh!!!!!CLIVE:Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!! That's Alfie Noakes folks!DEREK:(makes sound of ecstatic audience applause)CLIVE:Aaah!! (makes applause sound) That's Alfie Noakes.DEREK:And now to top our bill, somebody I'm sure you'll all love, somebody who sings a good song, tells a good joke, and here he is, the one and only, the cuddly, the very vast, the very lovely, the very slim, the very cuddly, the very big, the very huge, the huge penis of-, the massive p-, 'n' huge penis .....CLIVE:Get on with it, Dudley!DEREK:The massive penis .....DEREK AND CLIVE:..... of ALFIE NOAKES!!!CLIVE:Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!!DEREK:Urrm-de-dum-de-dum-dum dum-dum dum-dub-be-dum-dum. Hello everybody, hallo!CLIVE:Hallo ladies and gentlemen, my name is Alfie Noakes.DEREK:Now, ladies and gentlemen, hallo, my name is Alfie Noakes.CLIVE:This person next to me is not Alfie Noakes. I'm, I'm Alfie Noakes.DEREK:N-, -next to me is Alfie Noakes. No, I'm Alfie Noakes!CLIVE:Alfie Noakes is a very good chap. Alfie Noakes.DEREK:I'm Alfie Noakes, listen, 'ere, I want to show you I'm Alfie Noakes. CLIVE:Alfie Noakes doesn't know jokes. I don't know jokes.DEREK:I want you to- look at my cock. Now, have you, have you seen it?CLIVE:No, no, Alf.DEREK:This is my, this is Alf's cock.CLIVE:Th-, my name is Alfie Noakes.DEREK:This is Alf's cock.CLIVE:I'm Alfie Noakes.DEREK:I'm Alfie Noakes.CLIVE:No. I'm Alfie Noakes.DEREK:No, I'm Alfie Noakes.CLIVE:Are you really?DEREK:Yes.CLIVE:Let's split the fee.

[GORDY GAMBINO]

CLIVE:Er, I met this cunt in, about eight years back and, er, he come up with the name of 'John Stitch'. He come up to me. He said, "I'm John Stitch and I, I do non-stop dancing."DEREK:What a cunt.CLIVE:The fucker. I said, "You do non-stop dancing?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Why, why have you, why have, why are you not dancing now?"DEREK:Right.CLIVE:He said he's out of a job. So I said, "All right, Non-Stop Dancer, .....DEREK:Cunt.CLIVE:..... start dancing." And do you know what he did?DEREK:What?CLIVE:Started dancing.DEREK:What a cunt.

 (begins singing)

 #My Mum came into my room and sucked my little knob ..... CLIVE:Did she?DEREK:#She put her mouth round the end of it and I ..... done a gob

 Out the little hole that's in my prick and cums with piss as well

 I had done a lot into the lav and, fuck, it didn't 'alf smell

 'Cause I'd had asparagus the night before, I am lucky

 I had some radishes as well and farted and, erm ..... right,

 Please don't ..... CLIVE:#I am a Cockney dancer .....

DEREK:# ..... dancer, I fucked him up .....CLIVE:# ..... I like to dance all night

 I dance, what,- ehh'ne'hm'err'h

 And in my mother's tights DEREK:#Oh, ..... (collapses laughing)CLIVE:#'Cause you can get away with it

 If you are Cockney too

 Do this fucking dancing

 And shove it up your flue!

 (begins mumbling) DEREK:#My Mum came into my room and sucked my tiny knob

 She put mouth round ..... (laughs)

 She put her mouth right round it and then ..... (laughs uncontrollably) CLIVE:Fff-uck. Dudley, are you not, is ..... ? Fucking, fucking alcoholic! You're so drunk! You must ha' be on something else, you know.DEREK:Oh, hold on, let's get this rhyme right:

 #My Mum came into the room and sucked my fucking knob, oh!

 She put her mouth right, her mouth right round it and then she done a gob

 On the end of it to make it smooth and make it nice and soft

 And then she tossed me right off with her, er, Mrs. Mopp

 Who came into the ..... (starts laughing) CLIVE:Oh yes, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you very much indeed, thank you very much indeed, it is awfully good but it's not quite what we're looking for, erm, some of our .....DEREK:Very nice! Oh ..... (continues laughing)CLIVE:..... some of our older patients might be upset.DEREK:#Oh, my Mum came into my room and sucked my fucking knob .....CLIVE:Yes! Well, thank you, thank you very, thank you very much indeed .....DEREK:#She put her mouth right round it .....CLIVE:Shoot him, Kurt!DEREK:# ..... and then she done a little gobCLIVE:CUT!DEREK:#On the end of it and smoothed it round and rubbed it up and downCLIVE:Oh God, will nothing give .....DEREK:#Until the cum came out the end and then I began to drown

 'Cause I cum like a fucking falls you know, I cum like that

 I've got a pair of enormous balls and they sat on the mat

 When I'm walking down the street, of course, they drag behind me sore

 And then, of course, I get followed by every fucking whore ..... CLIVE:(laughing in the background)DEREK:#Who says, "'ere, what we got in front of us, pair of bleedin' balls?

 By Christ all-fucking-mighty, they could fill the Albert Halls"

 With ee-aye, ee-aye, ..... (drowned out) CLIVE:# ..... Ee-aye, ee-aye-oh! Take it and shove it up your arse!

DEREK:Wait a minute! It's getting interesting!CLIVE:#I am a Cockney dancer! Justin de Villeneuve, watch out!DEREK:Yeah.

 #So I went to the city to show my private parts ..... CLIVE:'Ere! 'Ere! 'Ere!DEREK:#I went into the Festival Hall and they began to fart

 When I came onto the stage with my balls dragging right behind

 They said, "My Christ, what, there, what is he doing, he must be out of his mind?" DEREK & CLIVE:#Oh! My old man's a dustman, he wears a dustman's hat

DEREK:(continues with farting noise in tune)CLIVE:#He's got fucking cancer, now what d'you think of that?!

DEREK:#Oh, ..... (falls into helpless laughter)CLIVE:#My old man's a dustman, he's got cancer too

 Silly fucking arsehole, he's got it up the flue

 He's got so much of fucking cancer it drives him fucking mad

 He says, "I've got fucking cancer", and he's my fucking Dad

 Oh, what a fucking boring cunt, he goes on and on all day

 He's got this fucking cancer and he's too gone on the way DEREK:#Oh, .....CLIVE:#Oh, my old man's a dustman, Justin de Villeneuve is my friend .....

DEREK:# ..... they cut it off at Chelmsford, they cut it off at Crewe

 They gave him one up the ..... (laughs) CLIVE:# ..... I shoved him one up the arsehole, saying he's my friend.DEREK:(laughs uncontrollably)

 #He's got cancer of the cock and he's got cancer of the balls

 He's got cancer of the nose, mouth, eyes, teeth and he's got the, the ..... prr-oh ..... DEREK & CLIVE:#Ohhhhhhh ..... he's got .....CLIVE:# ..... cancer in his false teeth, got cancer in his wig

 He's got cancer in his fucking knob, he thinks it's fucking big

 His knob is full of cancer, the thing is falling off

 And worst of all, the worst of it, he's got this fucking cough

 He goes ..... DEREK & CLIVE:Heurgh! Heurgh! Heurgh! Heurgh! Heurgh! Heurgh! Heurgh! Heurgh! Heurrrrrgghhhhh .....DEREK:(continues laughing uncontrollably)CLIVE:..... What a cunt! He keeps waking us up at night, this fucking noise goes on! This fucking cough, his fucking cancer! We can't fucking sleep! I's trying to watch Emmerdale Farm and this fucking cough came on and I couldn't fucking concentrate on a fucking good programme 'cause my old man was dying of this fucking cough .....DEREK:Fucking cancer!!CLIVE:..... What a .....DEREK & CLIVE:..... Fucking cunt!!!DEREK:(more laughter)

 #He's got cancer of the arsehole, he's got cancer of the bum CLIVE:# ..... cancer of the knob .....DEREK:#Cancer in his eyeballs, he's got cancer on the gob

 He's got cancer in his fingernails and cancer in his palm

 Cancer up his bumhole where the ..... (drowned out) CLIVE:# ..... half way up his arm!DEREK:(laughs)CLIVE:#Oh, he's got fucking cancer, cancer everywhere

 He's got cancer of the bumhole, 'cause he's a fucking queer ..... DEREK:#Oh, .....CLIVE:#He takes his fucking knobs up, he shoves 'em up his arse

 And everybody knows it! HE'S FUCKING WORKING CLASS!!! DEREK:OHHHHHHHH!!!!! .....

[Odinson]

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[Anonymous]

Hello Obvious Li, be careful with ethnice jokes not to hurt anyone's feelings.

hi Fash....how are you this evening......how is Calgary...did i tell you my oldest son lives in Calgary ..on the west end by the ski jump...........any ethnic jokes to share

What a coincidence Obvious Li, we live in Bowness..



I do not like to tell jokes that might offend people.

[Anonymous]

A young Korean couple are lying in bed when the guy starts farting continuously.

 

"That's disgusting!" shouts the girl.

 

"It's the dog," proclaims the guy.

 

"Don't blame him," she replies, "he was cooked perfectly."

[Obvious Li]

Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

A: The NBA



Q: Why shouldn't white people go swimming?

A: Because crackers get soggy when wet.

bada bing baby....what is long and hard on a black man......GRADE THREE......hahahahaha

[Obvious Li]

Hello Obvious Li, be careful with ethnice jokes not to hurt anyone's feelings.

hi Fash....how are you this evening......how is Calgary...did i tell you my oldest son lives in Calgary ..on the west end by the ski jump...........any ethnic jokes to share

What a coincidence Obvious Li, we live in Bowness..



I do not like to tell jokes that might offend people.

[/b]



but you should though..it's good for the soul....................

[Odinson]

Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

A: The NBA



Q: Why shouldn't white people go swimming?

A: Because crackers get soggy when wet.

bada bing baby....what is long and hard on a black man......GRADE THREE......hahahahaha

Q: What is long and black?

A: The unemployment line.



Q: Why are black people so fast?

A: Because all the slow ones are in jail.



Q: What´s the difference between a black man and a pizza?

A: A pizza can feed a family of four.



Q: What do you call a black priest?

A: Holy shit.

[Odinson]

Q: Why does a black man walk in the ditch?

A: Because bread keeps a man on the road.



Q: Why superheroes never go into black-neighbourhoods?

Batman - "Robin.."

Robin - "Yes, Batman?"

Batman - "Isn´t this where we parked the car, man??"



Q: Why is a Black mans eyes always red after sex?

A: From the mace



Q: What's the difference between a British man and his girlfriend?

A: His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.



Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

[Odinson]

[Odinson]

Three million Escalades sold in anafternoon and chicken at $600 a bucket??



That was fucking hilarious Odie.

The last part was pretty funny.  



600 bucks per bucket... Here´s the explanation.  :D

[GORDY GAMBINO]

hilarious !! oi